Transcript of Land of the Goblins

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This transcript involves dialogue with Aggie, Grubfoot, Guard (Goblin), High priest (Goblin), Make-over Mage, Mistag, Morris, Oldak, Zanik, and the player.

An Unexpected Visitor[edit | edit source]

  • Grubfoot: Please let me in Dorgesh-city!
  • Mistag: I'm sorry, but surface goblins are not allowed into the city.
  • Grubfoot: [Player]! I so glad you here! You help me get into Dorgesh-city? I want talk to Chosen Commander.
    • Player: Chosen Commander? You mean Zanik?
      • Grubfoot: Yea, that her. I have dream about her, remember, before you come to Goblin Village. She Chosen Commander who lead all goblins to new age. Generals still not sure, but Grubfoot sure. She Chosen Commander!
    • Player: Mistag, why won't you let Grubfoot into the city?
      • Mistag: Our laws don't allow surface goblins to enter. The council made an agreement to let humans from the surface into the city, but there was no such agreement about goblins. The council wants to extend a hand of friendship to surface goblins, but we have heard that they are a very warlike people. Most of the Dorgeshuun think that letting them into the city now would be going too far.
        • Player: Grubfoot is a very puny goblin. He's no threat at all!
          • Grubfoot: Yes, that right. just insult me?
          • Mistag: Rules are rules. I'm sorry, [Player].
        • Player: So you're just going to make Grubfoot wait out here?
          • Mistag: I'm afraid I will have to.
        • Player: I'll take responsibility for Grubfoot. I know he won't cause any trouble.
          • Mistag: Hmm... If you are prepared to vouch for him, then I suppose we can trust him. Very well, Grubfoot. You may enter Dorgesh-Kaan, but you must stay with [Player] until you leave.
          • Grubfoot: Thank you, [Player]! I promise I be no trouble.
          • Player: Follow me.
        • Player: You two can sort this out yourselves.
    • Player: You two can sort this out yourselves.
  • Grubfoot: Will you take me into Dorgesh-city now?
    • Player: Follow me.
    • Player: I need to do something else.
      • Grubfoot: Okay, I go back to wait in Dorgesh-mines.

If the player walks too far

  • Grubfoot: I want go into Dorgesh-city, not go that way. I meet you back at Dorgesh-mines.
  • Grubfoot: Hello, [Player]! Will you take me into Dorgesh-city now?
    • Player: Follow me.
    • Player: I don't have time right now.

Entering the City[edit | edit source]

  • Grubfoot: So many Dorgesh-goblins...
    • Player: Follow me.
    • Player: I need to do something else.
      • Grubfoot: Okay, I go back to wait in Dorgesh-mines.

Talking to a cave goblin guard inside Dorgesh-Kaan

  • Guard: What are you doing in the city, surface goblin?
    • Grubfoot: I looking for Chosen Commander!
    • Guard: Commander of the guard?
    • Player: He means Zanik.
    • Guard: Zanik's not any kind of commander. She'd never fit into a command structure, she's too independant.
    • Guard: Anyway, I think I saw her with Oldak earlier. You should check his workshop.
  • Guard: I'm keeping an eye on you, surface gobiln.
    • Grubfoot: I not make any trouble!
  • Guard: A surface goblin in the city? That's against the rules!
    • Player: Mistag said that Grubfoot could come in as long as he stayed with me.
    • Guard: Carry on, then. But I'm keeping an eye on you.

Talking to a cave goblin

  • Cave goblin: Eek! A goblin!
    • Player:'re a goblin.
    • Cave goblin: Yes, but a goblin from the surface.
    • Grubfoot: I not mean any harm. Just here to see Chosen Commander.
    • Cave goblin: Chosen Commander?
    • Player: He means Zanik.
    • Cave goblin: Zanik? I should hope that fool isn't in command of anything!
  • Cave goblin: Hello?
    • Grubfoot: Where is Chosen Commander?
    • Cave goblin: Who?
    • Player: He means Zanik.
    • Grubfoot: Yes. Zanik is Chosen Commander.
    • Cave goblin: Oh? Chosen by whom?
    • Grubfoot: Big High War God! He choose Zanik to lead all goblins into new age!
    • Cave goblin: The war god? Oh no!
    • Player: It's okay! Zanik isn't in league with any war god.
    • Player: Grubfoot, you probably shouldn't mention the Big High War God down here. He's not exactly popular with the Dorgeshuun.
  • Cave goblin: What happened to your eyes?
    • Grubfoot: Nothing wrong with my eyes.
    • Player: Grubfoot is a goblin from the surface. They all have eyes that size.
    • Cave goblin: Oh! Welcome to the city, surface gobiln! What are you doing down here?
    • Grubfoot: I looking for Chosen Commander.
    • Player: He means Zanik.
    • Cave goblin: Zanik? She's no commander.
    • Cave goblin: I think she's in Oldak's workshop at the moment.

Talking to Captain Undak

  • Captain Undak: Surface goblin. Who let you in?
    • Grubfoot: I looking for Chosen Commander.
    • Captain Undak: I'm commander of the guard. What can I do for you?
    • Grubfoot: No! Chosen Commander!
    • Player: He means Zanik.
    • Grubfoot: Yes! Chosen Commander!
    • Captain Undak: Zanik? A commander! Ha ha ha!
    • Captain Undak: Zanik's a great kid - best shot with a crossbow I've seen - but she couldn't command anything.
    • Captain Undak: I think she's in Oldak's lab right now, messing about with runes.

Grubfoot's Dream[edit | edit source]

Talking to Oldak

  • Oldak: You must be a goblin from the surface! What are you here for, surface goblin?
  • Grubfoot: Want to talk to Chosen Commander.
  • Oldak: Ah yes, that's your name for Zanik, isn't it? Well, she's right here.

Talking to Zanik

  • Zanik: Hello, [Player]!
  • Player: Hello, Zanik! There's someone here to see you.
  • Grubfoot: Chosen Commander?
  • Oldak: Remarkable! You must be a goblin from the surface, correct?
  • Grubfoot: Yes, I am goblin.
  • Zanik: I recognise you. You were at Goblin Village, weren't you? You said you had that dream about me.
  • Grubfoot: Yes. You Chosen Commander. Other goblins not believe, but I believe.
    • Player: Why don't other goblins believe?
      • Grubfoot: They say Zanik not true goblin. She cannot be Chosen Commander because she not worship Big High War God. Because she not think war good.
      • Zanik: I certainly don't!
      • Grubfoot: But does that mean she have no destiny? Perhaps her destiny to lead goblins into new age of peace.
    • Player: What is the Chosen Commander?
      • Grubfoot: Goblin legend. Hopespear, long ago goblin, he have dream. He say some day Chosen Commander come, lead all goblins to new age. Most goblins, they think Chosen Commander lead goblins to war and fight other races. But I think maybe not. I have dreams that Zanik is Chosen Commander. Before you visit Goblin Village I dream about Zanik. And now, last night I have new dream.
        • Player: What was this new dream?
      • Player: So why have you come to talk to Zanik?
        • Grubfoot: To tell Chosen Commander about new dream I have.
          • (Same dialogue options as previous)
          • Player: What was this dream?
            • Zanik: Yes, what was it?
            • (Cutscene)
            • Grubfoot: I have dream of far-off land. It like no land I ever see, but somehow I know it. It cool and wet. Ground is soft, big plants everywhere, red water bubbling. I see goblins, many goblins. Goblins of all tribes, but they not fight. They have no weapons. They live in peace. Then I see Chosen Commander. She stand at entrance to new land. She show way in. She lead all goblins on long journey to new land. I never see land before. I see it only in dream. But somehow I know what it is. It Yu'biusk, Land of the Goblins.
            • (Cutscene ends)
              • Player: Yu'biusk?
                • Grubfoot: That goblin legend. Land of Goblins. Legend say long ago, even before war of gods, goblins come from Yu'biusk. Big High War God find them in Yu'biusk and take them to other lands. Most goblins forget legend. Think only of war. But I think, if Zanik lead us back to Yu'biusk, maybe we have peace. Maybe we be safe from people who want to kill us.
                  • Player: That's an unusual sentiment for a goblin.
                    • Zanik: Yes. I thought all surface goblins thought war was good.
                    • Grubfoot: Most do, but not me. I see goblins kill goblins, humans kill goblins. I think, is this really best thing in life? I not say that to other goblins. They kill me if they think I not like war.
                  • Player: How do you know your dream was true?
                    • (Identical to outer option)
              • Player: How do you know your dream was true?
                • Oldak: Yes, how do you know? Dorgeshuun scientists and philosophers generally believe that dreams are a way for the mind to sort through memories. There is no known mechanism by which they can predict the future.
                • Grubfoot: This dream not like other dream. It so real.
                • Zanik: What do you think, [Player]?
                  • Player: It's just a dream. It doesn't mean anything.
                    • Grubfoot: It's not just dream! It true! I know in heart!
                    • Oldak: I'm sorry, Grubfoot, but wanting something badly doesn't make it true.
                    • Zanik: Even so...if there's any chance there might be something in it, we have to investigate.
                    • Zanik: So where is this promised land, Grubfoot? (identical to the other options)
                  • Player: I think it must mean something.
                    • Grubfoot: Thank you, [Player]. I know you believe me!
                    • Zanik: So where is this promised land, Grubfoot?
                    • Grubfoot: I not know. Not know any goblin who know. But...
                    • Zanik: But what?
                    • Grubfoot: I should not tell! Not in front of non-goblin!
                    • Zanik: [Player] is a friend. You can tell [him/her].
                    • Grubfoot: I suppose... but you must promise to keep goblin secret. There secret place. Secret temple to Big High War God. No one know of it but goblins. Priests in secret temple, I think they know way to Yu'biusk. But before I tell you where temple is, you must make promise. Promise not to tell any other non-goblins where temple is. If humans find out, maybe they attack, kill all goblins in temple.
                    • Zanik: I promise, Grubfoot. I won't tell anyone where the temple is.
                    • Oldak: If that is what is required to keep your temple safe, then I promise as well.
                    • Grubfoot: [Player], you must promise as well. That very important.
                      • Player: I promise not to tell anyone where the temple is.
                        • Grubfoot: I trust you, [Player]. You save village from H.A.M. Now I tell you where temple is. It built long ago, on Plain of Mud. It sink into mud and now it underground in muddy caves. It far west of here, near place where many humans catch fish.
                        • Oldak: Hmm... I believe that I know which cave system you mean. I can make teleport spheres to take you there.
                        • Grubfoot: I can't go. I must get back to Goblin Village before generals miss me.
                        • Oldak: Oh, that's a pity. Just a minute... Here, break this sphere on the ground. It will take you back to Goblin Village. [Player], Zanik, are you ready to leave?
                        • Zanik: I'm ready.
                          • Player: I'm ready.
                            • Zanik: Then let's go!
                          • Player: I'm not ready.
                            • Zanik: I'll wait for you to be ready, then, [Player]. I don't want to go without you!
                      • Player: I won't promise that.
                        • Zanik: I want your help with this, [Player]. If you won't promise to keep the temple secret then I won't go there.
                  • Player: I don't know.
                    • Zanik: It's probably nothing, but if there's even a small chance there's something in it, we have to investigate.
                    • Zanik: So where is this promised land, Grubfoot? (identical to the other options)

Goblin 'Guise[edit | edit source]

Talking to Zanik

  • Zanik: The entrance to the secret temple must be around here somewhere, [Player].
    • Player: Follow me.
    • Player: I need to do something else.

No Humans Allowed[edit | edit source]

  • Goblin guard [1]: Who you?
  • Zanik: I'm Zanik of the Dorgeshuun.
  • Goblin guard [2]: Dorgesh-tribe?
  • Goblin guard [1]: Me hear Dorgesh tribe return from below ground.
  • Goblin guard [2]: You want get into temple, Dorgesh-goblin?
  • Zanik: Yes please!
  • Goblin guard [1]: You goblin, you come in.

Zanik enters the temple.

  • Goblin guard [2]: Human! Where you think you going?
  • Player: But you said we could go in.
  • Goblin guard [1]: No, we say Dorgesh-goblin go in. You human, you go away!
  • Goblin guard [2]: Humans not allowed! Only goblins allowed!

Talking to the goblins again.

  • Goblin guard [1]: Go away, human!
  • Player: Is this the entrance to the secret goblin temple?
  • Goblin guard [1]: No, Def'nitly not. There no secret goblin temple.
  • Goblin guard [2]: What? Then what we guarding then?
  • Goblin guard [1]: Nothing. We not guarding anything. There no secret goblin temple.
  • Goblin guard [2]: was just down there earlier.
  • Goblin guard [1]: Yes, but me try to fool human. Get him to go away.
  • Goblin guard [2]: Oh me see. Human, you go away. We not let you in to secret temple that not down these stairs.
  • Goblin guard [1]: Idiot.

Oldak's Solution[edit | edit source]

  • Oldak: Hello, [Player]. What did you find in the secret goblin temple?
    • Player: They wouldn't let me into the temple. They let Zanik in, but not me.
      • Oldak: Hmm... that is an interesting problem. But I think there is a way to get you in.
      • Player: How can I get into the temple without being a goblin?
      • Oldak: Perhaps you can't.
      • Player: What? But you said you had a way.
      • Oldak: Yes, I think you can get into the temple, but not without being a goblin. I have been in correspondence with some of the wizards who live on the surface. One of them might be able to help you. She... or he... calls him or herself the Makeover Mage. You should go and talk to him, or possibly her.
    • Player: Can you teleport me to the temple again?
      • Oldak: I can, but I can't afford to keep doing it for free. If you give me two law runes and a piece of molten glass I'll make a sphere to take you there.
        • Player: Okay.
          • Player: I'll have to go get the law runes and molten glass, though. (when you don't have the items)
        • Player: Never mind, I'll walk.
    • Player: Can I buy a teleport sphere, please?

Transmogrification[edit | edit source]

  • Make-over Mage: Hello there! I am known as the Makeover Mage! I have spent many years researching magicks that can change your physical appearance. I call it a 'makeover'. Would you like me to perform my magicks on you?
    • Player: Tell me more about this 'makeover'.
    • Player: Sure, do it.
    • Player: No, thanks.
    • Player: Cool amulet! Can I have one?
    • Player: Can you turn me into a goblin?
      • Make-over Mage: Into a goblin? What do you want to turn into a goblin for?
        • Player: I need to slip past some goblin guards.
          • Make-over Mage: Really? What are they guarding?
            • Player: I promised not to tell anyone.
              • Make-over Mage: Okay, okay, sorry I asked.
            • Player: I just like goblins.
            • Player: Can you turn me into a goblin or not?
            • Player: Actually, I don't want to be a goblin.
        • Player: I just like goblins.
          • Make-over Mage: What a strange thing to want to turn into.
            • Player: I need to slip past some goblin guards.
            • Player: Can you turn me into a goblin or not?
              • Make-over Mage: I think I know how, but I've never deliberately transmogrified someone into another species before. It's a very risky procedure and I don't want to be held responsible if it goes wrong. I'll tell you the recipe so you can make the potion yourself. You'll need some pharmakos berries; they are the special ingredient I use to transmogrify people. Make a potion with them and toadflax, like this...
              • The Makeover Mage gives you a bunch of strange red berries and explains how to mix a goblin transmogrification potion.
              • Make-over Mage: Now, when you've made the potion, remember that the transmogrification is very delicate. It will reverse itself if you are in direct sunlight or if you perform a strenuous activity like fighting. It will also reverse itself if you try to wear anything that goblins don't normally wear. You should only drink it in the area you're going to need it, so you don't waste it.
            • Player: Actually, I don't want to be a goblin.
        • Player: Actually, I don't want to be a goblin.

Talking to Oldak after talking with the Make-over Mage

  • Oldak: Hello, [Player]. Did you talk to the Makeover Mage?
    • Player: Yes. She told me how to make a goblin transmogrification potion.
      • Oldak: Excellent! You should use it to get into the secret goblin temple.
    • Player: Yes. He told me how to make a goblin transmogrification potion.
      • Oldak: Excellent! You should use it to get into the secret goblin temple.
    • Player: Can you teleport me to the temple again?
    • Player: Can I buy a teleport sphere, please?

A Second Attempt[edit | edit source]

You drink some goblin transmogrification potion. You have 2 doses of goblin transmogrification potion left.

Attempt to enter the temple
  • Goblin guard [2]: What you want?
    • Player: Me want get into temple.
      • Goblin guard [2]: What your name, goblin?
      • Goblin guard [1]: No wait, I guess. Is it [Goblin Name]?
        • Player: Yes, I'm [Goblin Name].
          • Goblin guard [1]: Ha ha! Me knew me guess right!
          • Goblin guard [2]: You go into temple now, [Goblin name].
          • Player: Thank you.
        • Player: Guess again.
        • Player: Actually, I don't want to go into the temple.
    • Player: I'd like to get into the temple please.
    • Player: Nothing. Never mind.

Goblin Temple[edit | edit source]

The High Priest's Test[edit | edit source]

  • High Priest: May the Big High War God fill your eyes with hate for his enemies!
  • High Priest: May the Big High War God fill your soul with the glory of war!
  • High Priest: May the Big High War God fill your arms with strength to do his bidding!
  • High Priest: May the Big High War God fill your heart with courage to die for him!
  • High Priest: May the Big High War God clear your mind of all thoughts!
    • Player: Can you tell me about Yu'biusk?
      • High Priest: That knowledge not for ordinary goblin. Only those who understand ways of Big High War God may learn secret.
      • Player: I understand the ways of the Big High War God.
        • High Priest: Do you? You must prove it to me. Pass test.
          • Player: I'm ready for the test.
            • High Priest: Then I begin test. True or false: those who do not believe in Big High War God, whether they goblins or other races, must die.
              • Player: True.
                • High Priest: Oh? Why?
                  • Player: The Big High War God commands it.
                    • High Priest: 'Not to doubt Big High War God! Doubters must die!' This mean we slay goblins who not believe. 'Always to slay enemies of Big High War God! Enemies must die!' This mean we slay other races who not believe.
                  • Player: Otherwise they would lead us astray.
                    • High Priest: That wrong! No true goblin be led astray by those who not believe. If goblin led astray, that goblin deserve to die!
                    • High Priest: I think you weak in faith, if you think you be led astray. You go now, think on this, be stronger in faith.
                  • Player: I don't know.
              • Player: False.
                • High Priest: Oh? Why not?
                  • Player: The Big High War God commands it.
                  • High Priest: Big High War God command we NOT kill enemies?
                  • High Priest: You not understand Big High War God at all! You like filthy, stinking cave goblin! Go away and think on how stupid you are!
                  • Player: Goblins should not fight against goblin.
                  • High Priest: It true that prophet Hopespear tell us goblin should not fight against goblin. But Big High War God, He command that those who not believe must die.
                  • High Priest: To little mind, weak mind, this seems to contradict. But only if you not have faith. In Big High War God there no contradiction.
                  • Player: We should try to convert them instead.
                  • High Priest: Convert them?
                  • High Priest: You stupid goblin! You not even know name of god. He Big High WAR God! We kill enemies, not convert!
                  • Player: I don't know.
  • Player: I don't know.
  • (After correct response)
  • High Priest: Second question. True or false: Big High War God chose goblins to be his race because goblins mighty warriors.
    • Player: True.
      • High Priest: Really? Then how we come to be mighty warriors, before Big High War God find us?
        • Player: We taught ourselves to be mighty!
          • High Priest: Fool! Heretic! You guilty of sin of pride! Goblins teach selves nothing. All good we have come from Big High War God!
        • Player: Some other god made us mighty.
          • High Priest: You confused. Yes, in time of great wars, some goblins serve other gods. But no one make us mighty but Big High War God.
          • High Priest: Look around at how mighty we are! How we proud of war, how we never flinch from battle or pain or death, how we never surrender of show mercy or pity!
          • High Priest: How could any other god but Big High War God do this?
        • Player: We are naturally mighty warriors.
          • High Priest: Naturally? Ha ha ha!
          • High Priest: Let me tell you what goblins are naturally! We tiny, we weak, we cowardly, we love peace and not war! All that is good, that is strong, that is powerful, we get from Big High War God! Go away and remember this.
    • Player: False.
      • High Priest: Oh? Why you say that?
        • Player: He chose us for some other quality.
          • High Priest: What other quality important, except that we great warriors?
          • High Priest: Get away, silly goblin! Too much drink muddle brain, give you strange thoughts!
        • Player: Goblins were not mighty warriors before he chose us.
          • High Priest: That good! Goblins mighty warriors now, but that only because Big High War God make us so! Without Big High War God we nothing! Remember that.
        • Player: Goblins are not mighty warriors.
          • High Priest: How dare you? You insult goblin race in holy temple! We mighty warriors becasue we worship Big High War God!
          • High Priest: Goblins like you, who say we not strong, you are thing that make us weak! Never doubt, never question, never think! That way of Big High War God.
        • Player: I don't know.
  • (After correct response)
  • High Priest: Third question. True or false: goblin leaders should be good at planning in order to win battles.
    • Player: True.
      • High Priest: Oh? Why you say that?
        • Player: Big High War God rewards victory.
          • High Priest: Even victory that comes through clever dirty tricks? Even victory that comes through breaking Big High War God's commandments?
          • High Priest: No. Not all victory honour Big High War God.
        • Player: Big High War God teaches us to think for ourselves.
          • High Priest: What? Where you hear that?
          • High Priest: You think for yourself, you maybe think stupid, dangerous thoughts. You maybe think war not good, or Big High War God not best god.
          • High Priest: No. Do not think for self. Think only thoughts of Big High War God. His thoughts perfect, so if you think different thoughts, those thoughts bad. That why Big High War God command, 'Not to make own plans. Thinkers must die.'
        • Player: Planning is part of war and all parts of war are good.
          • High Priest: You confused. It true all parts of war are good, but not all parts of war are for goblins.
          • High Priest: Big High War God not make us commanders. He make us solders, and send commanders to lead us. They make plans for us. We not have commander now, but still we must not make own plans.
    • Player: False.
      • High Priest: Why not?
        • Player: That's one of the commandments.
          • High Priest: That right. 'Not to make own plans. Thinkers must die.'
        • Player: The Big High War God controls the outcome of the battle.
          • High Priest: That true. But it true whether goblin leaders make plans or not. So it not answer question.
        • Player: Goblins are stupid and would make poor plans.
          • High Priest: You call me stupid? Big High War God make goblins perfect! Big High War God tell us not make plans, but if we make plans, they be best plans ever!
        • Player: I don't know.
    • Player: I don't know.
  • High Priest: Last question. Prophecy say some day Big High War God send Chosen Commander. What Chosen Commander do?
    • Player: Lead all goblins to the promised land of Yu'biusk.
      • High Priest: Yu'biusk? You have story wrong way round!
      • High Priest: Yu'biusk land all goblins come from. But there no prophecy we go back there.
    • Player: Lead goblins to victory over the whole world.
      • High Priest: That right! And war will end in victory and victory last forever! You have passed test. Now I answer questions.
    • Player: Destroy the world.
      • High Priest: Destroy world? Why Big High War God want to do that? Then there be no goblins to fight for him!
    • Player: Make goblins fight one another.
      • High Priest: Ha ha ha! Big High War God not need send commander to do that! Only reason goblins not fight more is prophet Hopespear say not.
    • Player: I don't know.
  • Player: I'm not ready for the test.
  • Player: It's not for me, then.
  • Player: Where is Zanik?
  • Player: Never mind.

For all "I don't know." options

  • High Priest: That good. Goblins not menat to know ways of Big High War God. Now go, fight and die for his glory and never think again.
    • Player: Where is Zanik?
      • High Priest: Zanik? Who is Zanik?
        • Player: She's a Dorgeshuun goblin.
          • High Priest: Yes, there was goblin who say she Dorgesh-goblin. She have big eyes and she speak in strange accent. She ask about Yu'biusk, but she not pass test. She not just not know answers, lots of goblins not know. She start shouting crazy ideas, about how war is bad and we not need gods. Huzamogaarb guards, guards in black armour, they grab her, they put her in prison in Huzamogaarb enclave.
        • Player: She's the Chosen Commander.
          • High Priest: Chosen Commander? You have history mixed up. Chosen Commander come in future, not now. When Chosen Commander come, I know, and I not see any Chosen Commander today.

Gathering Info[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Can you tell me about Yu'biusk?
    • High Priest: Yu'biusk is goblin legend. Very old legend, from before this temple built, from before Hopespear the prophet. Even before great war. Legend say that goblins come from land of Yu'biusk. Big High War God find goblins in Yu'biusk and bring them to other lands to train them as warriors.
      • Player: Will goblins ever return to Yu'biusk?
        • High Priest: Why we want to return to Yu'biusk? In Yu'biusk we weak. Big High War God take us from Yu'biusk and make us strong.
      • Player: Where is Yu'biusk?
        • High Priest: Me not know. Me think Snothead know though.
        • Player: Where can I find him?
        • High Priest: He is in temple crypt. He dead!
        • Player: Oh well.
        • High Priest: Maybe me ask him next time me see him.
        • Player: What? But you said he was dead!
        • High Priest: Ha ha! You not know. Since you pass test, me tell you. When goblin high priest die, they buried in crypt in special magic way. This mean next high priest can ask them questions, even though they dead. I just say name of priest over grave, and he appear and answer questions.
          • Player: Can I talk to the old high priest?
            • High Priest: No. Only high priest allowed into crypt. You not get into crypt. Door locked by six keys, kept by six tribal priests. Priests only give keys to me. They not give them to normal goblin like you.
          • (Other options)
      • (Other options)
  • Player: What is the Big High War God's true name?
      • High Priest: You ask many questions. Big High War God's true name not for normal goblin minds. But since you pass test, I tell you. His true name Bandos. That name that ogres call him, that orks call him. That name that goblin priests call him on holy days. But normal goblins, you must show respect. You only call him Big High War God.
        • Player: You do know Bandos is dead, right?
        • High Priest: What you talking about? Bandos not dead. Nothing can kill Big High War God.
        • Player: He fought Armadyl on Gielinor. Armadyl killed him, turning him into stone with a cannon powered by divine energy.
        • High Priest: I heard of Armadyl. Big Chicken God. Fought against Bandos in God Wars. He weak, he let Saradomin push him round. No way he kill Bandos. You wrong.
        • Player: But you can go and see what's left of him! His head's there near the G... near our village.
        • High Priest: No! You lying, or you crazy, and when Bandos hear you talking like that he kill you either way. Now stop it.
  • Player: Why are there only six tribes in the temple? What happened to the other tribes?
    • High Priest: Goblin tribes are thing of past. Long ago, all goblins divided into twelve tribes. Dorgeshuun tribe rebel, Big High War God punish them, then there eleven tribes. No other tribes disappear like Dorgeshuun, but over ages, tribes all merge. Now most goblins, they not know what tribe they come from. Sometimes goblins remember. General Wartface and General Bentnoze, they know they come from different tribes. But most goblins in Goblin Village, they not know what tribes they come from. Sometimes, goblins who know what tribe they come from, they come here and make tribal room. They colour armour different colours to show what tribe they in. But not all tribes here.
      • Player: How can I get into the tribal rooms?
        • High Priest: No one really know what goblin from what tribe. So when goblin want to be part of tribe, they dye armour in special tribe colour.
          • Player: Where can I get dye?
            • High Priest: Me not sure. Me not need dye, me go into any room me like because me high priest. Me hear other goblins say they go to witch-lady in Draynor to get dye. Me hope they beat up witch-lady and take dye! That way of Big High War God!
          • (Other options)
      • (Other options)
  • Player: Can I take your test again?
  • Player: Never mind.

A Dye-namic Wardrobe[edit | edit source]

  • Aggie: What can I help you with?
    • Player: Hey, you're a witch aren't you?
    • Player: You mad old witch, you can't help me.
    • Player: So what is actually in that cauldron?
    • Talk about Vampire Slayer:
    • Player: What could you make for me?
      • Aggie: I mostly just make what I find pretty. I sometimes make dye for the women's clothes to brighten the place up. I can make red, yellow and blue dyes. If you'd like some, just bring me the appropriate ingredients.
      • Player: What do you need to make red dye?
      • Player: What do you need to make yellow dye?
      • Player: What do you need to make blue dye?
      • Player: Can you make black or white dye?
        • Aggie: Black dye can be made by grinding up black mushrooms. That's dead easy. The mushrooms grow in some old caves and ruins, and you can grind them up yourself with a pestle and mortar. But white dye? There's no such thing!
        • Player: Then how can you colour your clothes white?
        • Aggie: Usually you can't. But with poorly-made clothes, like goblin armour, it's possible to remove the dye. Even then, its' a very tricky process and involves a special ingredient found in the gut of the Hemenster whitefish. It requires specific bait to catch: slimy eels. If you bring me a Hemenster whitefish and some goblin mail, I can try to do it for you. I'll charge five coins for it.
          • Player: Okay remove the dye from this goblin mail please.
            • Aggie: You'll need to go and get a Hemenster whitefish first. (not having a whitefish)
              • Player: Yeah, I was just about to do that.
            • You hand the goblin mail, whitefish and payment to Aggie. Aggie produced a white goblin mail and hands it to you. (having all the ingredients)
          • Player: I don't think I have all the ingredients yet.
            • Aggie: ​You know what you need to get, now come back when you have them. Goodbye for now.
          • Player: I can do without dye at that price.
            • Aggie: ​That's your choice, but I would think you have killed for less. I can see it in your eyes.
          • Player: Where can I get the whitefish?
            • Aggie: ​From Hemenster, of course. It's only found in the Fishing spots where the Fishing Contest takes place. To catch it, you need to use another fish as bait: slimy eels. I think you can find them in Morytania and Lumbridge Swamp Dungeon. When you've done all that, bring the whitefish to me and I'll see what I can do.
          • Player: What other colours can you make?
      • Player: No thanks, I am happy the colour I am.
    • Player: Can you make dyes for me please?

Hemenster[edit | edit source]

  • Morris: Competition pass please.
    • Player: I don't have one of them.
    • Player: What do I need that for?
    • Player: I need to catch a Hemenster whitefish.
      • Morris: The whitefish, eh? Okay, since you've won the competition before then I'll let you in.

Fluid Loyalty[edit | edit source]

Enter a room in the temple with the correct armour
  • Guard: Pass, brother!
Pickpocket a priest

You steal a strange key from the priest's pocket.

Exit a room
  • Guard: Praise Big High War God!
Speak to the imprisoned Zanik
  • Zanik: What do you want now?
  • Player: Zanik! It's me, [Player]!
  • Zanik: [Player]?
  • Player: I turned myself into a goblin so I could get in here!
  • Zanik: Oh! Thank you, [Player]! I knew you'd come to rescue me!
    • Player: I have a teleport sphere here.
      • Zanik: Oh, thank you, [Player]! I shouldn't try coming back in here, so it's all up to you now to find the way to Yu'biusk!
    • Player: Why did you get put in prison?
      • Zanik: I said the wrong things to the high priest. The high priest said he would answer my questions if I passed a test about goblin religion. But I didn't know how to answer! I don't know anything about goblin religion! They were already suspicious of me because I was a cave goblin rather than a surface goblin. So when I couldn't answer, they locked me up in here.
    • Player: Have you learned anything about Yu'biusk?
      • Zanik: I'm sure the high priest knows something. He said he would tell me if I passed his test. But I failed, so I'm in here.
    • Player: How can I rescue you?
      • Zanik: I just need a Moving-Over-Distance Sphere. The goblins confiscated mine when they put me in here. They didn't know what it was, and they were frightened that it might explode if they broke it. So they put it away in one of the crates around here.
    • Player: Sit tight. I'll be back soon.
Open the door to the crypt

The door opens.

The Goblin Priests[edit | edit source]

The First Four[edit | edit source]

  • Player: [Snothead/Snailfeet/Mosschin/Redeyes]!

An undead goblin priest rises from the grave...

Defeat the undead priest
  • [Snothead: You beat me. What you want?]


  • [Snailfeet: You beaten me. Ask your questions.]


  • [Mosschin: You have defeated me, human, Ask your questions]


  • [Redeyes: You have defeated me, human. Ask your questions.]
    • Player: Where is Yu'biusk?
      • [Snothead: It long way away. Me not know where. Priest who come before me, he say that when goblins die we go to Yu'biusk. Perhaps he know where it is.]
      • Or
      • [Snailfeet: Far, far away. Me not know where. But priest who come before me, he say that when goblins die in battle our souls travel to Yu'biusk.]
      • Or
      • [Mosschin: Far, far away, on the other side of the world. Long ago, the Big High War God brought goblins from Yu'biusk. The priest who came before me said that whenever goblins die in battle and their blood spills onto the ground, Yu'biusk is close and their souls can travel there.]
      • Or
      • [Redeyes: Yu'biusk is far away. Beyond the icelands to the north, beyond the mountains to the west, beyond the oceans to the south and the deserts to the east. But it is also close. Wherever goblins fight in the name of the Big High War God and their blood spill on the ground, Yu'biusk is close. My predecessor told me that no living goblin has ever gone back to Yu'biusk. I think, if no living goblin can go there, then perhaps the dead can.
    • Player: What was your predecessor's name?
      • [Snothead: Snailfeet. That his name.]
      • Or
      • [Snailfeet: Mosschin.]
      • Or
      • [Mosschin: Redeyes.]
      • Or
      • [Redeyes: Strongbones. He was a mighty priest and warrior of the Big High War God. It was he who learned the magic that allows us to be called up to speak with the living.]
    • Player: Why did you attack me?
      • [Snothead: You not goblin. Not high priest. So me attack.]
      • Or
      • [Snailfeet: You not goblin high priest! Me only answer questions for goblin high priest!]
      • Or
      • [Mosschin: I only answer the questions of those who are worthy. I had to test you.]
      • Or
      • [Redeyes: You are not a goblin high priest, so I had to see if you were worthy.]
    • Player: What's it like being dead?
      • [Snothead: It dark. Very dark. And cold.]
      • Or
      • [Snailfeet: Why me here? Me die in battle, fighting humans! Why me not in Yu'biusk?]
      • Or
      • [Mosschin: All alone. I thought my soul would travel to Yu'biusk. But perhaps I was not worthy.
      • Or
      • [Redeyes: I had thought perhaps I would go to Yu'biusk, to fight in endless battles with the Big High War God but, instead, there is only endless sleep.
    • Player: Goodbye.
      • [Snothead and Snailfeet: ...]
      • [Mosshin: Goodbye, human.]
      • [Redeyes: Good luck in your quest, human.]

Strongbones[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Strongbones!

An undead goblin priest rises from the grave.

Defeat the priest
  • Strongbones: You have proved yourself the stronger, human. Ask your questions.
    • Player: Where is Yu'biusk?
      • Strongbones: Yu'biusk is not a place on RuneScape. It is another plane of existence. No goblin alive today has ever been there. It is many millennia since the Big High War God brought our ancestors from Yu'biusk, but the call to that plane is still strong in us. If the barriers between the planes were ever to be broken, goblin blood would call out to open a portal to Yu'biusk.
    • Player: What was your predecessor's name?
      • Strongbones: His name is not important. He is not buried here. Before my time, priests were cremated, and their ashes scattered to the winds. You cannot talk to him.
    • Player: Why did you attack me?
      • Strongbones: You are a human, not one of the children of the Big High War God. For this reason you had to prove yourself in combat before I could answer you.
    • Player: What's it like being dead?
      • Strongbones: I cannot tell you. I no longer remember what it is like to be alive.
    • Player: Goodbye
      • Strongbones: Goodbye, human. I am sure that the Chosen Commander will find what she is looking for when you bring her to Yu'biusk.

Path to Yu'biusk[edit | edit source]

Returning to the City[edit | edit source]

  • Zanik: How are you getting on in the temple? Have you found out where Yu'biusk is?
  • Player: I defeated all the undead high priests in the crypt, and the last one told me how to reach Yu'biusk. He said Yu'biusk was another plane of existence, but if the barriers between the planes were ever breached, goblin blood would call out to Yu'biusk and create a portal to there.
  • Oldak: Another plane? You mean goblins aren't native to RuneScape? That's remarkable. Think of the historical implications...
  • Player: But how could we breach the barriers between the planes?
  • Zanik: I know! The fungus ring in the southern caves! Didn't you say it had magical properties, Oldak?
  • Oldak: Yes... that sample you showed me had properties very similar to the active ingredient in 'law' runes. I believe that the fungus ring could create an effect similar to my Moving-Over-Distance Spheres.
  • Player: That's a fairy ring. They're part of the fairies' teleportation network. (unknown conditions)
  • Oldak: If it can create a Moving-Over-Distance effect then, with enough power, we should be able to break the planar barriers. All we need to do is activate it without any destination set, with Zanik standing next to it, and it should open a portal to Yu'biusk!
  • Zanik: I can't believe this! If we can reach the goblin homeland, Grubfoot and the other goblins will be able to go there and be safe! [Player], this is my destiny! I'm sure of it.
  • Oldak: We should see if this works before we tell anyone else. I think I can create an apparatus to open the fungus ring. Come on, Zanik. [Player], will you meet us by the fungus ring to the south of the city? You should be there to see what happens.

Through the Fungus Ring[edit | edit source]

  • Oldak: Ah, [Player]. The machine is nearly ready. When I activate the machine, it will bombard the fungus ring with magical energy. But the power will have to be distributed correctly between the three circles of fungus. I need to handle the activation. [Player], could you please handle the distribution of power between the rings? The inner ring is two zurgs wide, the next one is four zurgs, and the outer one is six zurgs wide. You will need to distribute the power in proportion to the area inside each ring.
Correctly distribute the power

Oldak activates the fairy ring.

  • Zanik: Oldak! It's working!

A portal opens.

Land of the Goblins[edit | edit source]

  • Oldak: Something must have gone wrong. This isn't what Grubfoot described.
  • Zanik: No, this is the place. I can sense it.
  • Oldak: But it's so barren. What happened here?
  • Zanik: The Big High War God happened. [Player], how long ago did the goblins come from Yu'biusk?
  • Player: The high priests didn't know exactly. Thousands of years.
  • Zanik: That vision that Grubfoot had – it was of Yu'biusk thousands of years ago. This is what happens when the god of war has his way with a place for thousands of years.
  • Oldak: You two should explore. See if you can find any more information. I'll stay here and shout if the portal starts to close.
Explore Yu'biusk
  • Oldak: Zanik! [Player]! The portal is starting to close! You don't have much longer!
  • Zanik: What's that? Quickly, [Player], we can look at it before the portal closes.
Examine the box
  • Zanik: Help me get this open, [Player]! There's something important in here, I'm sure of it!

You and Zanik push at the strange box's lid.

  • Zanik: What's happening? [Player]!
  • Oldak: The portal is closing! You've got to get back NOW! [Player]! What happened? Where's Zanik?
  • Player: I don't know! She just vanished!
  • Oldak: There is no time to find her. The portal will close any second.

You and Oldak leave Yu'biusk.

  • Player: We've got to get back there. We've got to rescue Zanik!
  • Oldak: There's no way to rescue her, [Player]. I'm sorry. When the portal closed, it was as if the fungus ring was becoming resistant to my machine. Opening the portal again now would take more power than there is in the whole of Dorgesh-Kaan. If you can find some other way to use the fairy rings, maybe you could look for Zanik. But even then you might not be able to find her. Whatever's happened to Zanik, wherever she is... she's on her own.