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I am no longer especially active on this wiki, due to the fact that the new layout is balls.

An Asparagoose Introduction[edit | edit source]

Asparagoose (a portmanteau of "asparagus" and "goose") is a level 90-something Adventurer with a thirst for questing and an express fondness for the History of Gielinor. He is an active member of the RuneScape Wiki, often editing historical articles such as battles or important people, and even creating his own, such as "canon". Asparagoose is a follower of Guthix by birth and colour, though he apparently has Saradominist interests, stating that "Saradomin doesn't get enough press nowadays".

While he enjoys quests and minigames, Asparagoose rarely trains his skills for fun or acheivement; the only reason he levels up is so that he can complete more quests. He does not aspire to obtain the Quest Cape, instead playing for fun, though he claims that "a quest cape would be nice". His highest non-combat skill is Agility, which is the only skill he still trains without an express reason. Other than skilling, Asparagoose is known to be fond of Temple Trekking and Burgh De Rott Ramble, and can often be found in Morytania working alongside the infamous Myreque rebels.

YouTube[edit | edit source]

In addition to playing RuneScape and using the wiki, Asparagoose uses the video hosting website YouTube to make RuneScape videos or "machinima", and has done since 2006. He makes an animated cartoon series with fellow video maker Ice Drago 44 and since early 2009, has branched out to making reviews of RuneScape quests, known as "Asparagoose Reviews". These he has released several of to date, and is still working on them, saying that he hopes to "make up for lost numbers" (refering to his decline in popularity)

Controversies[edit | edit source]

Asparagoose is subject to much hatred on YouTube, primarily because of his ongoing video war with famous video maker ForSandG, whom he views as obnoxious and arrogant. Asparagoose continues his campaign, though he has lost more subscribers than he has gained from the ordeal. He believes, however, that "it's not about subscribers. I'm doing this to stand up for my friends, not to get more." The main controversies were in late 2007 and early 2008, though arguments and hate videos flared up once more in 2010 when ForSandG returned after months of absence, an event which sparked a few days of heavy trolling on Asparagoose's channel, however it was short-lived, and Asparagoose and ForSandG are known to have put their differences aside.

Asparagoose's Favourite Articles[edit | edit source]

  • The Myreque - The protagonists from my all-time favourite Quest chain, the Myreque quest series.
  • Scale Theory - To help explain all those pesky little inconsistencies in RuneScape.
  • Calendar - Another extremely important article, and one that receives far too little recognition.
  • Canon - One of my own creations, another article to help explain RuneScape.

Gielinor's Words Of Wisdom[edit | edit source]

She has spurned my offer to sire more of our race. She came out with some nonsense about her feelings being for Zamorak. What have feelings got to do with anything? This is about our continued survival here. Pah - women!

That was the worst fifth birthday party in the history of the world.
Pirate Pete

Solus Dellagar

Sneaky sneaky, stick da chompy.

That's not funny.
Princess Astrid

Do you really wish to die so readily? Are you prepared to face your death?
Surok Magis

You're a little tall, soldier, but we could use a man like you! Get down there and kick some Chaos Dwarf ass! For Keldagrim!
Colonel Grenda

He lives in Edgeville. With his mother. In her basement. I make no judgement on that.
Gypsy Aris on Evil Dave

Oh goody goody. I can't wait.

I see. You are a moron. You have probably settled right in with the rest of the idiots in this pathetic excuse for a village.

Ye're all dead. All of ye. And it'll be me that makes ye lie down and accept it.
Rabid Jack

Will you people stop invading my secret bases!
Lord Daquarius

Words of Wisdom indeed.

The Story Of The Gods[edit | edit source]

I'll lay this down for y'all. Basically what happened was that in the First Age, Guthix came to Gielinor and found it was more-or-less blank (the jury is out on whether races like the Dragonkin or TzHaar were already there), and shaped it to his liking. Then, he went to sleep for several thousand years, and the First Age ended. In the early Second Age, gods like Zaros, Saradomin, Bandos, Armadyl and those in the Desert Pantheon (again, it's not known if Seren was already in RuneScape, as Elves were present in the First Age; See Meeting History), and the god Icthlarin, son of Tumeken brought the race called the Mahjarrat into RuneScape from their realm of Freneskae, but they chose to break away from Icthlarin because of his peaceful ways and followed the more chaotic (but not to say evil) Zaros.

Before long, however, one particularly hateful and warlike Mahjarrat, called Zamorak, wanted rid of Zaros so he could replace him and be worshipped. This led to his rebellion with several followers including his fellow Mahjarrat Hazeel, a human follower called Viggora and the Vampyre Lord Lowerniel Vergidiyad Drakan and several others. They managed to steal the Staff of Armadyl and an undercover Saradomin wizard, Dhalak, hoping the destruction of Zaros would bring even greater power to Saradomin, placed a spell on it so Zaros could not detect it. Zamorak ambushed him and impaled him on the staff. Zaros, becoming angry, thrust himself at Zamorak and impaled him aswell. Zaros' powers were drained from him and through the staff, now embedded in Zamorak's chest, and into the Mahjarrat. Zamorak then rose to become the god of chaos and this initiated the God Wars and the Third Age which we should all know a little about by now.

As for Saradomin, well, opinion is divided, but some say Armadyl gave his godly powers to Saradomin when he fled Gielinor (after the war, following the extinction of the Aviantese. When the God Wars was at its most violent, Guthix was woken up by the sound of the fighting, and came to the surface. He saw the battle-scarred land and the destruction the gods had caused, and he became angry. He commanded the gods to stop, and they did so. He then established the Edicts of Guthix before departing underground again, stopping briefly in a cave to rest. He thought about his beautiful world, destroyed by the carnage, and he wept. Then, he went back into the planet's core and fell to sleep once again. The Guthixian Edicts dictate that none of the gods can interfere with their followers directly, and they can't fight with eachother any more. However, there are Zamorakian and Saradominist conspirators working to break these rules; See Legacy of Seergaze. That's about all there is to it. There's stuff with Bandos and the Goblins, but that's another storyline altogether, and one for another time.

As for the issue of the God Letters, well, that was a long time ago. The game of RuneScape was sketchy, rough around the edges, and Jagex hadn't developed their storyline as much as they have now. For example, Guthix, when writing about the true names of places, calls Gielinor "Gielenor", a spelling which they've since changed. He also makes note of Falador originally having been called "Farradorn", and we haven't another word of it ingame. So, all the stuff people bring up about how the gods are brothers, or how this happened when that happened and all the conflicting theories and such, I think we can say that Jagex probably don't even consider the God Letters canon anymore. Of course, some parts of it are true, so let's call it semi-canon for now.

Asparagoose 14:26, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Silver sickle.png Asparagoose