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This is a simple list of things to remember when Dungeoneering. Add to it as you wish.
I will not do any of the following, under penalty of contracting the troll virus and being targeted by karma for culling.
I will above all remember that this is just a game, here for entertainment and lowering stress for myself and others.
I can only blame myself if I die while switching between watching the game and watching the tv or texting.
I will not sell any items tier 3 or above, for I know high alching gives significantly more money.
I will give grudging respect to the fellow that enters rooms first, and let them have first pick of foods, or give them a few fish if they need it.
I will restrain myself from taking every scrap of food when my teamates are dying and my inventory is a small buffet.
If I feel the urge to call someone down for skilling, I must remember that I need their supplies to unleash the beast on any monsters I encounter.
I will however, not lower myself to grabbing items mid fight, especially when my allies need help badly. That's not being a savvy skiller, that's being a greedy little monkey.
If I die at any point, I will try my best not to blame others, especially if I wasn't patient enough to wait for backup or make more food or potions.
If I start a dungeon, and an ally dies in the first couple minutes, it's almost forgiveable for them to leave, for I'd consider it in their position too.
If I die so many times my experience is ruined, I will throw myself at the enemy in a mouth frothing fashion until only corpses litter the dungeon floor. This will save my teammates from having to risk themselves and cool the rage with the sweet taste of vengeance.
I will remember that mages on my team are important too, but don't start out with much if any ammo, and the defense values of an 11 year old girl. I will not call them down for gating out and re-casting vengeance if a boss is about to connect a hit, or they ran out of food again. I will gate out with my team and wait for more vengeance casts. Unless the boss is the Glutton. Then I may yell and perhaps even kick if they made it heal.
I will remember to ask about boss abilities I am unfamiliar with, such as Thunderous and Icefiends blocking of teleports, or the Shadowforgers charged blast. These will get me killed, and knowledge is power.
I will not beg for an item I want to bind. I will ask politely. I will also not use up all the teams supplies making said item, and I definetly will not leave after I bind the item, for fear of Chuck Norris.
I will remember that after a dungeon is an hour long or more, at least one person will get hungry or need to use the facilities. This is natural, and I will see my doctor for pills of happiness if the stress continues.
If a vote to kick someone occurs, I will not blindly click yes, but ask what happened. I will also take more note if it's just before the boss has been slain and people have died or arguments have started. Only losers try to settle a vendetta by kicking, and stopping this trend will prevent it happening to me in the future.
I will not complain if I can't seem to find food during a rush. I understand that running through rooms full of monsters, and not fighting to complete the dungeon more quickly is faster experience but also dangerous. Keep up with the group or die. I'll probably die even if I do.
I will not mock the skill levels of other players.
I must keep in mind that every time I kick someone, somewhere someone else is also kicking a small puppy. If it was before the boss, you wasted hours of someones life because you were impatient, therefore the puppy also has cancer.
If someone is training defense, they have to use the tank ring for any bonus. For the love of the gods let them have a shield.
I will always remember that all low level foods such as bananas, heim crabs, and potatoes all give significantly more health when I have a skinweaver summoned.
I will not leave ignore a key on the floor. If everyone else leaves the room, drop an item and bring the key back to Smuggles McGuggles.
I will write down the different skills for each potion in my notes section, and also remember that cure potions protect from disease and dragonfire as well as poison.
I will not mindlessly repeat to others that a certain weapon is the best and only weapon. I will recall this when 4 people with spears or mauls continue to miss the same monster for 3 minutes, as they have no other combat style.
I will not shame my ancestors by dying from failing a skill. I will blackmail others until they rub fish into my wounds.
If a necromancer summons zombies, I will ignore them, because they collapse on their own after awhile.
I will try not to be randomly rude to players, and if I see someone else do this, I will not jump on the bandwagon. This is a game not elementary school.:)
If someone is lagging badly and disconnecting alot, it's okay if they mostly skill. I'm a beast of war and can handle their share, as long as they supply me properly. More experience and loot for me.
I will also remember that when someone skills, I have more of a shot at picking up that blood amulet, hexhunter bow, or silk hood first. So really they're funding my treasure hunting expedition.
Almost all bosses have very low natural healing. If it's a hard boss I'll remember that everyone gating out for another round of vengeance, prayer, and food will lower the death rate immensely. If I charge in again early it's my own fault I die.
If there is a real life emergency, I will type "Real life emergency" if I can and go. If it's a minor event I will instead say "sorry brb!" and try to take only 5 minutes maximum. If I have been kicked by then I can't complain too much, as real life trumps gaming.
I will also not eat anything overly greasy or messy when playing, for it may make me misclick or clog my keyboard.
I will recall that while most people speak acronym, some do not, but for my own reference ggs means group gate stone teleport, g/g means gatestone, de means dead end, and ffs means fluffy fluffy socks I want to leave.
I will monitor others for signs of the troll virus. Examples include spamming of chat with the same messages over and over, snooty demands of respect for no reason, and telling others they are doing nothing. I will not be surprised if they attempt to kick a random player or leave themselves, and plan accordingly.
I will NEVER drop the group gate stone in a dangerous area, if it has been, I will warn everyone about it, more than once.
I will remember that the little dinosaurs give more materials when hunted, and that they do not affect my experience in killing monsters for that dungeon. I will let them be hunted by others or ignore them.
I will remember that having a farming patch, range, or altar one room away from smuggler means I don't have to put one into the gate portal space out even if I am cursed with laziness.
If I am rushing for prestige on complexity one, I will not bother to pick up food in the starting room, I will only charge forward.
I will remember to switch ring specialties when it's important, such as before a boss or using scarce or rare materials.
If I find myself unable to move near a doorway, I will recall that I cannot move through the locking shield, and have to click next to myself, not far away.
If I am rushing floors with a team, and someone has leeched 3 floors in a row, I should think about kicking them, especially if they left without a word.
I will keep a stock of snacks nearby in case I get hungry, but keep liquids to a minimum, for obvious reasons.
I will try to use the facilities before starting a large dungeon, and eat dinner or a good snack. I will also try not to start one if I have plans up to 3 hours from now.
If no one wants to do tools or keys, if one person is stuck with both jobs, they are allowed to cower through most battles. They have no space for food, and no time to armor themselves or even make runes. Slight irritation on their part is expected.
If I complain that skillers do nothing, then also ask where all the food or other supplies are on that same floor, I will also slam my face into the nearest flat surface.
If I really am having trouble getting through solo dungeons, I will either go train skills outside, or bring a friend who skills to make up for my low attention span.
If most of the chat in my party is just them sniping at eachother and generally hateful, I will quietly mention that there is an ignore function for chat, if it looks like it will prevent rage quitters or kicking.
I will also try to keep general chat light or somewhat humorous, as dungeons tend to put people on edge as time wears on.
I will resist the urge to call someone an idiot, even if they are being one. I will try to correct them once, politely, and if I have treated my team well they won't kick me even if the person tries to be ignorant and kick out of spite. They may in fact turn on the kicker if I wish to return the favor when the kick fails.
If I have completed 10 large dungeons in a row without dying, I will reward my own awesomeness with a cookie. I may also substitute a pie, muffin, or fruity treat. This will do two things: Cause a Pavlovian response making me drool like a madman and driving away potential interuptions in real life when I near my goal, and remind me there are other things to enjoy in life nearby if I grow tired.
If I complete 30 floors in one sitting, I will go outside. Then I will consider showering.
I will mock the power of the necrolord if he gives my team a hard time, by instructing my party to gate out and wait for his summons to fall apart on their own. I will even rest on the floor outside his room to heal faster, making the skeletons feel bad about themselves and their short lifespans.
I am fully in my rights to shout "Bake Puppy" (only on dogs), "I cast Superheat Person" (humanoids), "Kamehameha", "Shoop Da Woop", "Lightning Bolt!", and "Lerooooy Jenkins" whenever I choose to use magic. No one may judge me for this.
If I have to dungeoneer with someone new to the skill, I will try to be patient and give them some basic hints and tips, and answer their questions when I can. If I make fun of them for their low combat levels and lack of knowledge without really bothering to help them, I deserve to be eaten by weasels.
I will remember to drop any tools I have in favor of food when it comes to boss time, except for the bulwark beast of course.
I will remember that the large amounts of experience I get for five man dungeons is a reward for dealing with a bunch of most probably antisocial gamers fighting the onset of carpal tunnel, and cobbling together a working team of heroes. Every win is an epic win, if I think about it this way.
If I have averaged over 5 hours a day of dungeoneering for a week, I will find someone close to me and tell them I love them. If I don't have anyone to do this with, I will strike up a conversation with a nice person at the local library. Friends are good, they stave off the voices that come in the solitude.
If someone does a very nice thing for me in the dungeons, such as taking the time to make me an item to bind, or saving a rare drop such as a hood for me to wear, I will try to do something equally nice for a stranger in the next week. If I do not, the Ghost of Superstition will attack me in my sleep and eat my toes.
I will do five push ups or sit ups every time I do one of the following: Say "lol" aloud, squeel like a gleeful little girl, perform an anime pose, clean dead skin off of my keyboard or mouse, or kick another player.
I will not melee Lexicus Runewright if low on food. I will range him as the gods intended. I will also consider killing his summons if no one has volunteered for the job, because a flock of level 70 pures with 10 hp kill alot faster than the librarian himself.
If it looks like my team wants to boot me for whatever reason, despite my being incredibly helpful, making everyone items they use and opening most of the rooms, I will amass all the money and food I can gather. I will then create a worldbearer and load myself and it up with food, and stay in combat as much as possible to look like i'm "Actually doing somehing" in the eyes of the combat junkies. I will not leave combat for more than 30 seconds, as such people look for any excuse to kick. If I have luckily not been booted, I will note their names and play with others instead.
I will remember that the Shadowforgers only attack prayable against is melee, therefore the safest place to be when he is not charging his blast is by him with that prayer on. I will also remember that armor bypassing shadows will hit me if I hide behind the pillars too often when he is not charging up.
I shall not debase myself by scrabbling for every last bit of food in the starting area. I will consider what I need and go for that instead. Five fish and that shield I need for tank mode or some decent runes work out far better in the end than those two blue crabs I'll be eating a minute from now. Everyone needs food, even skillers for doors.
I will be thankful for having two kinds of quick teleports, and be sure to use both frequently. I will abuse their powers often for escaping death by Shadowforger, Gravecreeper goop, Gravecreeper brains attack, Necrolord skeletal army, and Runebound Behememoth breath attacks.
I will not forget the usefulness of home teleports even in boss rooms, though I probably won't get away with it unless I'm facing Shadowforger diagonally and far off, Stomp when he heals, or Thunderous from behind the safety pillars. If I somehow forget my runes or am unable to use them I can still make a last ditch effort to get away this way.
I will remember that even if I happen to be a very bad person (one who poke holes into personal protection items at the local drug store with a small needle as a random example) I can for the period of a dungeon, pretend to be a nicer person to prevent kicking. False sincerity makes no difference in the end. There is no sarcasm font yet.
If I am a good person, I will try not to become jaded if I get booted many times for no reason. I will man up and do better in the next one. Don't let the trolls win!
If I take medicine that suggests I don't use heavy machinery after dosage, I will try to limit myself to skilling safely outside of dungeoneering. The spin is rooming and perhaps I should lay down.
I will train my skills outside of dungeoneering if I repeatedly find myself unable to do what I need to in dungeons, then return and gloat over my new heroic power. Even if it has to be heroicly sitting down and discussing personal problems with a ghost until it gives up and stops guarding that door.
If at any point someone actually makes me laugh, I will not say "lol". I will instead say something along the lines of "thanks you actually made me laugh". "Lol" has been so overused it has no meaning anymore.
I will remember that every ring style gives diminishing returns and increased cost for every upgrade. I will get level one in everything for more options, then focus on what I really need such as gatherer, artisan, my prefered combat styles, and perhaps even medic.
I will, once I buy an antipoison totem, pour contact poison all over my body and grapple with my enemies as men once did, wearing only my totem. If no contact poison has been added, I will demand Jagex adds it for my Disturbed Lunatic Wrestling League.
I will have a goal firmly in mind when I dungeoneer, be it a level, token amount, or anything else I can think of. I will also have at least one other goal or hobby outside of dungeoneering for when I could use a break.
If I know someone is planning on leeching, and the dungeon hasn't been really started yet, I may consider telling everyone to leave instead of kick. I will explain that it's funnier if they only check their screen to see if they're outside yet, and they will wait alone a long time before figuring it out. I may consider whispering this part.
I will remember to bind runes according to my play style. Laws if I prefer combat and staying with the team, cosmics for gathering, deaths for casting Vengeance, combat runes if I love setting things on fire, and elemental runes if I clearly don't know what I'm doing.
I will never cook using tier-1 fires, I will chop wood if I find it or even buy it. If there is a range within five rooms of me I'll walk.
I will not gather plants, wood, or ores without my Gatherer's ring on. It doesn't take too long to switch, I'm not that lazy. If I am that lazy I'll start a thread asking skiller upgrades to be passive.
If I am skilling, the resources exist, and the team is not rushing, I will ensure the entire team is adequately armed and armored. They will appreciate this. They will probably still expect me to help with the boss and clear rooms if they're not a skilled team though, so I will also make myself a few choice items.
I will not make multiple-bar/hide/cloth items without my Artisan's ring on. With luck I can make just five bars into an almost full set by making the plate, then the legs, helmet, and some gloves or boots.
When not rushing, I will clear any room that has any potential to lead somewhere important. Additionally, I will clear dead-ends that contain very useful resources, food, or altars. A pair of blue crab fishing spots goes a long way when starving.
I won't even attempt a cave-in room without an ample supply of food and a hammer. An inventory of food is exactly the same as years of re-constructive surgery to replace the damage done by a falling rock inverting my nose.
I will attempt to have potions ready before the rest of the team is ready for the boss fight, to avoid wasting time. I will also proudly announce my achievement lest some troll claim I did nothing.
I will drop extra food at base camp, since it could be useful at the boss preparation period when I drop all my tools for food and potion space.
If there are extra resources I will them them by Smuggle McGuggles, so I or my teammates can use them if necessary.
I will use prayer conservatively at all times, since it is a finite resource. If possible, I will flash protection prayers.
I will not ever, under any circumstances, leave the Group Gatestone in any part of the agility course room. That's death waiting to happen, usually precluded by painful squeeling and images from Saw IV.
I will range or mage the Gravecreeper from the doorway where the ooze won't burn my feet. I will mock him this way, and not feel a coward for doing so.
I will be targeted for natural selection if I waste so many resources at the start that we cannot proceed for lack of tools or food.
If others are herding ferrets, I will keep far out of the way to make things easier.
I will take note of various strategies that others use, and use the superior ones as my own, if I am able.
I will remember my celestial box carries only 125 castings worth of air surges over to the next floor, and only counts as an ammo item. I shall henceforth refer to it as the Death Box, for it pleases me.
I will not use my ring of kinship on a fire, lest I feel obligated to toss it in a volcano after.
I will use my ring's party interface to its full extent, clicking the names of party members to see their inventories and skills if necessary. I will also leave the inventory of the person who carries the keys open so I won't have to bother asking what flavor key they own.
I will rememebr that when customising my ring, I can right click the "switch to" button to set my quick switch ring of choice. The secondary will be the one I am currently using.
I will start using the forums or world 77 for party searching if world 117 is too dang laggy for me. Getting a team is nice, but so is facing boss knowing I won't spike and die.
If for any reason, a person leaves the dungeon at the start, the party continues on, and said person logs in when the dungeon is nearly complete, I will boot them unless the following occurs: The person, drawn away by real life circumstances, paints an epic journey making everyone laugh, cry, and sit on the edge of their seats as the tale unfolds. This story must touch my heart in a way it has never been touched before, making me feel the heartbeat of the universe for just... one... second. I will then printscreen the entire thing as they say it, type it out in Word, copyright it, and sell it off as my own, making millions and joining Oprahs book club.
I will read this to the end, not just the last note and the first