Dialogue for Smith

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This transcript involves dialogue with Smith and the player.

While carrying a Little Book o' Piracy or after Rocking Out[edit | edit source]

  • Smith: Yer standin' in me light stranger. Can I sell ye somethin' that'll make ye move?
  • Select an option
    • Probably, let's see what you have.
    • I doubt it.
      • Player: I doubt it.
      • Smith: Then move on stranger.
    • That depends on if you have any cutlasses.
      • Player: That depends on if you have any cutlasses.
      • Smith: Cutlasses! Think yer a pirate now lad?
      • Player: Well, yes.
      • Smith: Well, I have some cutlasses. I have Brass Hand Harry's Cutlass. Well, a load of them to be honest. Then there's Unlucky Jenkins' Lucky Cutlass. Lovely blade that. I've also got Gentleman Mallard's Rapier. Not a cutlass I know, but the finest blade ever wielded by a privateer. Now, which would ye like to hear about?
      • Select an option
        • Brass Hand Harry's Cutlass.
          • Player: Brass Hand Harry's Cutlass.
          • Smith: A good choice! Ye may end up meeting Brass Hand Harry if ye hang around long enough. He lost his right hand to a canister round, but that didn't stop him much. Then he lost his replacement right hook fightin' the excise men off the coast of Karamja. Not bein' the sort to lie about mopin', he asked me to make him a cutlass with a brass gauntlet fixed to the handle, and rig it up with a load of straps so he could keep on fightin' without losing his hand again. He's a great man is Harry, but he keeps snappin' the straps while he's at sea, so he sells the cutlasses back to me in exchange for a new one. It's quite a good blade, but the big, brass gauntlet is what makes it worthwhile. It's big enough to fit over even a real gauntlet, so ye get extra protection to yer sword hand. I can sell ye one fer 1,040 coins. Interested?
          • Select an option
            • Yes.
              • Player: Yes.
              • Player has 1,040 coins removed from them. Player receives Harry's cutlass.
              • Smith: Here ye go. I've got a load of these left over if ye need more.
            • No.
              • Player: No.
              • Smith: Well I'll still be here if ye change yer mind.
        • Unlucky Jenkins' Lucky Cutlass.
          • Player: Unlucky Jenkins' Lucky Cutlass.
          • Smith: Arr, tis a sad tale to this sword. Jenkins was the lookout on the Jonah, a cursed vessel if there ever was one. One day his ship were attacked by another group of pirates durin' a fierce storm. One of their bowmen took a shot at the Cap'n of the vessel, but it were deflected off his compass and hit Jenkins in the back.
          • Player: How unlucky!
          • Smith: That weren't the worst of it lad. He survived the fight, and the ship's surgeon was trying to get the arrow out when... Are ye familiar with the spell bones to bananas?
          • Player: Yes, why?
          • Smith: Well, due to a blow to the head he took in the fight, the surgeon cast that spell, thinking it was some sort of new healing spell. And he did so while touching Jenkins' ribs.
          • Player: And that killed him?
          • Smith: No lad! See, he survived, his bones turned to bananas, as a huge storm blew up and the crew debated what to do with him. But you see, the storm was actually the tail end of a hurricane that had swept the nearby jungle islands, and when it approached the ship it petered out, droppin' all manner of strange things onto the deck and into the ocean. The worst part was when the ship was bombarded with ravenous, hunger-crazed monkeys, the majority of which landed on Jenkins as he lay recoverin'.
          • Player: And that killed him?
          • Smith: No lad! See, what happened next, after the monkeys had had their way with him was...
          • Player: Look, I don't want to hear any more. Why would I want to buy his cutlass?
          • Smith: Well, after the poor man passed on... In a final, terrifying, mashed potato coated tragedy... His shipmates found his cutlass was completely untouched. See, having been exposed to all the bad luck that Jenkins went through, the thing is unlikely to ever see anything that bad again. Hence, it must be lucky. Ye can have it fer 2560 coins. Interested?
          • Select an option
            • Yes.
              • Player: Yes.
              • Player has 2,560 coins removed from them. Player receives lucky cutlass.
              • Smith: Here ye go. I hope it brings you luck.
              • Player: Me too, but only the good kind.
            • No.
              • Player: No.
              • Smith: Well I'll still be here if ye change yer mind.
        • Gentleman Mallard's Rapier
          • Player: Gentleman Mallard's Rapier.
          • Smith: Well, I'll tell ye the story, but it'll take a great deal of convincin' for me to sell you this rapier. See, gentleman Mallard is a legend in these parts. His family had been rich, shipping all sorts of goods up and down the coast. Then their rivals got together and had their ships sunk, one after the other, and his business partners were all either bought off or had...accidents. With no money and only one ship left, he took to the life of a pirate, but no brigand was he. He took only from those men that had brought about his downfall, was fair with his men, and generous with his loot. Why, this island would have been wiped out by the shakes if he hadn't turned over his stash to buy medicine. One day his ship was attacked by a huge sea creature that swept the decks of men with its tentacles. The crew took to the lifeboats, and the last they saw of him the gentleman was stabbin' at the thing as it hauled the ship under the water. A week later about ten foot of tentacle washed up on the beach, with his rapier embedded in it to the hilt. I took it, cleaned it up, and I've been lookin' after it ever since. I can't let it go for less than 25600 coins, and even then that's a bargain. Ye think ye have what it takes to wield it?
          • Select an option
            • Yes.
              • Player: Yes.
              • Player has 25,600 coins removed from them. Player receives rapier.
              • Smith: I hope yer worthy enough to wield this, stranger. I'd hate te think Gentleman Mallard would be disappointed in me fer sellin' it to ye.
            • No.
              • Player: No.
              • Smith: Well I'll still be here if ye change yer mind.