Dialogue for Platypus

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Baby platypus[edit | edit source]

  • Platypus: Chirrup-chirrup snuffle honk squeeeee? (What are we doing today? Huh? Huh?)
  • Player: Well, what do you want to do?
  • Platypus: Honk! (Oo, can we do some trigonometry together? Or maybe we could discuss the philosophical implications of postmodernism?)
  • Player: Um, you're a platypus. A *baby* platypus. Don't you want to burrow in soft earth and splash about in big, muddy puddles?
  • Platypus: Chirrup-honk! (That sounds good too! What a perfect environment in which to discuss the viscosity and other physical principles that describe the world around us! Where's the mud?)
  • Player: Uh...right over here. Mud galore. Just follow me...

Adult platypus[edit | edit source]

Conversation 1[edit | edit source]

  • Player: So what would you like to do today?
  • Platypus: Snoofle-snort sniff. (Not knowing, and having no adequate means of ascertaining for a certainty...)
  • Player: Yeah?
  • Platypus: Chirrup-chirrup-chee... (...and for fear of prevaricating, or in some form deviating from the paths of rectitude, which have always characterised the generalities of my remarks...)
  • Player: Uh-huh...
  • Platypus: Woof. (...I'd hesitate to say.)
  • Player: You mean, you don't know?
  • Platypus: *Cough*. (Correct.)
  • Player: You know, you could've just said so in the first place!

Conversation 2[edit | edit source]

  • Platypus: Sniffle snuffle churrup-sneeze? (So, it occurred to me... Might I suggest that we hunt for a nice, hollow log inside which we could take a little snooze?)
  • Player: Um...that doesn't sound like the most comfy spot for a rest to me.
  • Platypus: Chirrup-snuff? Sniff? (Well, how about a nice, irriguous burrow? Or a large aggregation of frowsty vegetation?)
  • Player: You want to nap in a pile of rotting leaves?
  • Platypus: Brrrip-chirrup! Chirrup! ('Frowsty'! I said 'frowsty'!)
  • Player: Sorry, you're still not selling it to me.

Conversation 3[edit | edit source]

  • Platypus: Chirrup-chirrup snuffle BARK! (Nice day for a stroll, isn't it?)
  • Player: Um, excuse me, did you just...bark?
  • Platypus: Chim chim chiree. (I may have done. Is it really necessary to make personal comments?)
  • Player: Oh, no, it's not necessary; it's just fun.
  • Platypus: Chirp! (Maybe I'd get more respect around here if I wore my monocle more often!)
  • Player: Oh, I'm sure you'd get more of *something*!
  • Platypus: Grr.. (Hmph. Philistine.)

Conversation 4[edit | edit source]

  • Platypus: Chirrup sniffle-snuff? (So, have you read anything interesting lately? A good novel? A historical tome? Winsome love letters?)
  • Player: Oh, and what business is that of yours, nosy?
  • Platypus: Chirrup-chirrup sniff! (I think you'll find that I have a beak, not a nose, sir!)
  • Player: Oo, looks like somebody has their pedantic hat on today!
  • Platypus: Brrip-squee? (Do you mean 'pedantic' in the pejorative sense or 'pedantic' in the Shakespearean sense?)
  • Player: Whichever makes you most happy, beaky.
  • Platypus: Brup. (Well, it makes a difference. And don't call me 'beaky'.)

Conversation 5[edit | edit source]

If you talk to your Platypus while holding smouldering lavender, you will have the following conversation:

  • Platypus: Chirrup-chirrup? (Oo, is that aromatic lavender I smell?)
  • Player: Why yes! Nice, isn't it?
  • Platypus: Sniffle snuffle. (Ah, such a fragrant aroma. I'll tell you a secret - if your burrow ever smells a bit, well, whiffy, a sprig of lavender fixes everything!)
  • Platypus: Sniffle-squee! (Nothing says 'home' like a monocle rack, a decanter of port, and some lavender potpourri!)
  • Player: Well, I'll certainly keep that in mind if I ever have to, um, unstinkify a burrow!