Dialogue for Granny Potterington

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Tutorial[edit | edit source]

After the tutorial[edit | edit source]

  • (First line chosen at random out of the following:)
    • Granny Potterington: Good day, my little bread basket.
    • Granny Potterington: Greetings, sugar plum.
    • Granny Potterington: Hello there, banana cake.
    • Granny Potterington: Hello there, my little cupcake with pineapple sprinkles.
    • Granny Potterington: Hello there, my lovely little biscuit.
    • Granny Potterington: Hello, treacle.
    • Granny Potterington: Hey there, grapefruit.
    • Granny Potterington: Hey there, pickle... er, I mean pudding... Pickle's the dog I think. Or was it the cat?
    • Granny Potterington: How goes it, string bean?
    • Granny Potterington: Nice to see you, my little cherry tomato.
    • Granny Potterington: Well, if it isn't my favourite cheese wheel. What can I do for you?
    • Granny Potterington: Well, if it isn't my favourite cucumber sandwich.
    • Granny Potterington: What brings you to my farm, pumpkin?
  • (Only if the beans from levelling Farming are not claimed:)
    • Granny Potterington: Oh! I found some beans down the back of the sofa. Here you go!
    • (If the beans from level 99 Farming aren't claimed:)
      • The player receives 100 beans.
      • (Continues below.)
    • (If the beans from level 120 Farming aren't claimed:)
      • The player receives 500 beans.
      • Granny just handed you 500 beans.
      • (Continues below.)
  • If a male lizard chicken named Malcolm with the Chaotic trait is in the inventory:
    • Granny Potterington: Wait a minute, how did you get a MALE lizard chicken? I though they were all hens! Mind if I keep him around on the farm?
      • Hand in Malcolm the lizard chicken to Granny P?
        • Yes.
          • Congratulations! You have completed: 'Life, Uh, Found a Way'. (Hand in a lizard chicken called Malcolm with the Chaotic trait to Granny P.)
        • No.
          • (Continues below.)
  • (If a magical zygomite named Trevor with the Loyal trait is in the backpack:)
    • Granny Potterington: Oh, who's that little fun guy? Trevor, the magical zygomite, hey? He's loyal too. He'd make for a great pet! Want me to housebreak him for ya?
    • HAND IN MAGICAL TREVOR TO GRANNY P?
      • Yes.
        • Congratulations! You have completed: 'Ever So Clever' - Hand in a magical zygomite called Trevor with the Loyal trait to Granny P.
        • (Continues below.)
      • No.
        • (Continues below.)
  • Select an option
    • [Ask about Granny.]
      • Select an option
        • Tell me about life on the farm.
          • Granny Potterington: These days, it's not quite as fun as it used to be. I can't go galivanting in the wheat fields with scores of young men chasing after me. Oh my, those were the days.
          • Granny Potterington: ....
          • Player: Er... Granny?
          • Granny Potterington: Hrmm, what? Oh. Sorry, sausage, I was reminiscing. Where was I?
          • Player: You were telling me about the farm.
          • Granny Potterington: Well, these days I don't really do much except for seducing attractive young adventurers into helping me out around the farm. No no, don't deny it. How could you resist this graceful nose and my magnificent...arms? I know I have a siren like allure, there's no need to be ashamed.
          • Player: Riiiiiight.
          • (Returns to the previous options.)
        • Tell me about your family.
          • Granny Potterington: They're all gone now, sadly. My husband, Hector, passed away a few months ago.
          • Player: Old age?
          • [Monday]
            • Granny Potterington: It was a terrible accident. Somehow, our entire supply of pitchforks just fell into him...some, apparently, out and then into him again a few times.
          • [Tuesday]
            • Granny Potterington: At 27? No, sadly he misread a cooking recipe and managed to set himself on fire. Sad,really. The meal was ruined.
          • [Wednesday]
            • Granny Potterington: Angry sheep. Don't let the wooliness lull you into a false sense of security, sheep are malicious killers at heart.
          • [Thursday]
            • Granny Potterington: A chimney fell on him. It's weird, it wasn't even ours. It just came out of nowhere. I blame those floating island types.
          • [Friday]
            • Granny Potterington: He was electrocuted to death by a wandering pig. Very strange, but his heart couldn't take it and he gave out.
          • [Saturday]
            • Granny Potterington: Crushed to death by cheese wheels. He was trying to stack them too high and down they all came. His funeral stank; in hindsight, we shouldn't have cremated him.
          • [Sunday]
            • Granny Potterington: He decided he could make more money as an adventurer. Chickens can apparently be dangerous opponents when angry.
          • Player: That's, er, terrible. What about your kids?
          • Granny Potterington: Ah, Henry and Harry. Both of them went off to join the Battle of Lumbridge, but were tragically killed by adventurers looking to support one of the gods. They could probably have helped each other out if they hadn't insisted on joining opposite sides.
          • (Returns to the previous options.)
        • What have you been up to?
          • Granny Potterington: Oh, you know, not much. Just been bumbling about the farm like I always do. 'Course, I have also been brewing a lot of homemade mead and some of it is quite potent. So there's every chance I've also been rampaging through Ardougne like a deranged dragon on cart wheels. Difficult to say, really.
          • During the month of October:
            • Granny Potterington: Well, you know what season it is and all the dangers that comes with that, so I've been making sure I'm prepared. I've been eating seven cloves of garlic each meal so no vampyres are going to give me trouble. I've got all me best silverware in my underwiring so I'm ready for any werewolves that come a-prowlin'. I've got a nice sturdy spade to wallop any zombie on the head. I think I'm covered.
            • Player: What are you doing about ghosts?
            • Granny Potterington: ... Oh,$'!^.
          • During the month of November:
            • Granny Potterington: I've been writing a book.
            • Player: What kind of book?
            • Granny Potterington: Oh, just a little book o' poetry.
            • Player: Mind if I have a read?
            • Granny hands you over the book, which you foolishly read out loud.
            • Player: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
            • Player: With brilliant light from the heavens sits.
            • Player: You lay with me in the golden hay.
            • Player: Then place your hands upon me...
            • Player: Granny! NO!
            • Granny Potterington: It's a work in progress.
          • (Returns to the previous options.)
        • Can you tell me a joke?
          • [Day unknown]
            • Granny Potterington: Knock knock.
            • Player: Who's there?
            • Granny Potteringont: Interrupting cow.
            • Player: Interrupting cow-
            • Granny Potterington: MOOOOOOOOOO!
          • [Day 3]
            • Granny Potterington: As a farmer, I hear lots of jokes about sheep... I'd tell them to me dog, but he'd herd them all.
          • [Day 5]
            • Granny Potterington: Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands!
          • [Day 7]
            • Granny Potterington: Who tells chicken jokes? Comedi-hens!
            • Player: That's rubbish.
            • Granny Potterington: Yeah, it's not me best.
          • [Day 8]
            • Granny Potterington: What kind of thing does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows? - Udder nonsense!
          • [Day 9]
            • Granny Potterington: Why did the guards arrest the rooster? - They suspected him of fowl play!
          • [Day 10]
            • Granny Potterington: Why were the baby strawberries crying? - Because their mum and dad were in a jam!
            • Player: That's pretty dark when you think about it.
            • Granny Potterington: Oh, don't be a spoilsport.
          • [Day 11]
            • Granny Potterington: What did the farm say when his fat pig wouldn't fit into the pen? - There's more there than meets the STY!
          • [Day 12]
            • Granny Potterington: What did the farmer say when he accidentally set his cow on fire? - That was a bit of a mis-steak.
          • [Day 13]
            • Granny Potterington: Why did the sheep call the guardsmen? - He'd just been fleeced!
          • [Day 14]
            • Granny Potterington: Why was the cucumber mad? - Because he was in a pickle!
          • [Day 15]
            • Granny Potterington: What do you call cattle with a sense of humour? - Laughing stock!
          • [Day 18]
            • Granny Potterington: Why did the scarecrow win a prize? - Because he was outstanding in his field!
          • [Day 19]
            • Granny Potterington: What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer? - You take me for grunted.
            • (Returns to the previous options.)
        • I'd like to talk about something else.
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
    • [Ask about the farm.]
      • Granny Potterington: This farm has been with me family for generations. There's years of Potterington blood, sweat and tears in this 'ere soil. Which sounds horrible when I say it out loud. But regardless, these old bones can no longer manage the farm properly. I can't care for the animals, or tend the crops. But what I can do is manage farmers and farmers' markets. Why I've got those old farmers wrapped around my little finger I have. So if you can tend to the farm tasks for me, I'll handle the management and paperwork side. You can keep the materials, I'll keep the cash.
        • (Returns to the initial options.)
    • [Ask about animals.]
      • Select an option
        • How do I get animals?
          • Granny Potterington: Your typical farm animals - your cows, sheep and chickens - you can get from me. I just need a few beans and I can go and get us a good deal for one from the farmers' market. Some animals you'll get from your general skilling. Sometimes you might find one as you go about your business. For the scarier stuff, you'll need to don your shiniest adventuring gear and get killing. Of course, you can also trade any of them with your fellow farmers. The Grand Exchange won't let us trade animals on it, but you can trade with each other directly.
          • (Returns to the previous options.)
        • How do I raise animals?
          • Granny Potterington: To raise an animal, you first need to make sure you've checked it over. An unchecked animal could have all manner of diseases, ticks, parasites or curses attached to it and you don't want that. Then you just need to use the animal on an appropriately sized paddock. Small animals go in the small pen, large in the large, etc. You can't raise different animals in the same paddock either as they tend to fight. You'll also need to feed your animals. This is just a simple case of making sure you've put the right sort of food in the feeding trough for the animal in that paddock. Remember that not all animals will eat all types of food, so make sure you're not trying to feed dragons strawberries or they'll starve. A starving animal will lose happiness and health, increasing the chance of it becoming sick and reducing the weight, speed and attractiveness potential of that animal. If your animal gets diseases you will need to examine it. Look over its symptoms and administer the appropriate treatment to cure it. A diseased animal gives fewer rewards when harvested and has lower stats than healthier animals, so it's always worth keeping them healthy. Animals are fairly chilled out on the farm, so you don't need to keep a constant eye on them. Just pop back every once in a while to see how they're doing.
          • (Returns to the previous options.)
        • How do I breed animals?
          • Granny Potterington: Oh, that's easy. You just need to get two animals of the same species and put them in the breeding pen. Make sure that they're of sufficient breeding age and that they have food, then just wait... They'll get it together on their own time and eventually you should have a lovely baby animal waiting for you.
          • (Returns to the previous options.)
        • What are traits and perks?
          • Granny Potterington: Traits are little identifiers that indicate how that animal differs from others. Some traits mean an animal is much happier than others and easy to keep amused. Some traits mean that you can harvest them for more materials. Some traits may do seemingly nothing at all. Whilst others will do strange things. It's generally always a good thing to try and breed multiple traits into animals as the benefits are cumulative.
          • Player: And what are perks?
          • Granny Potterington: Ah, now for those you first need to buy a farm totem from the farmers' market and attach it to an animal pen. Then place an elder animal in that pen to activate that animal's perk. For instance, the perk for rabbits is an increase in all animal breeding chances. If you place a second elder animal of the same type in the other pen of that size - also with an attached farm totem - you'll make the perk more potent!
          • (Returns to the previous options.)
        • I'd like to talk about something else.
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
      • [Ask about sales.]
        • Select an option
          • How can I earn beans?
            • Granny Potterington: Pretty much the only way to earn more beans is to sell on some of the animals you've raised. You'll find buyers showing up on the farm by the well over there quite regularly. Sell 'em the animals they're after, and you'll soon see them beans flowing in. Progress will be slow to start, but once we've built up some reputation and a customer base, you'll have more beans than you know what to do with!
            • (Returns to the previous options.)
          • How does selling work?
            • Granny Potterington: Listen close, 'cos there's a lot of nuance to making a great sale. First up, a buyer will only have interest in a specific type of animal. Take Myfi, for instance - she'll only ever want to buy rabbits. Each day they show up, they'll only want up to a specific amount of that animal too. They ain't made of beans, so will be on a budget. The best age at which to sell animals is adolescense. You can sell older animals at a slight discount - they may be past their prime, but still hold fair value. And while you can sell eggs and babies, you won't get very much for them. That's what people pay us for - to raise them.
            • (Returns to the previous options.)
          • Any other useful tips?
            • Granny Potterington: Buyers will also have a special request - both a specific breed and a specific trait. Match either with any sale and you'll get more beans. Match both and you'll get a nice little bonus on top. That said, they'll overlook the specific breed if you're selling 'em a shiny animal! For all sales, regardless of any special request, there are also certain animal traits that can affect bean offers. Anything with the Surly, Nice But Dim or Limited Efficiency traits will sell for fewer beans. But anything with the Lucky, Fortunate or Unlucky For Some traits will sell for more beans. It still might be worth selling animals with bad bean traits if it's to fulfill a special request. The boost from matching the special request should offset any negatives. Finally, if you can get hold of one of those fancy farming outfits, you might be able to negotiate better bean prices on EVERY sale! Imagine that...
            • (Returns to the previous options.)
          • Show me the farmers' market?
          • [Ask about something else.]
            • (Returns to the initial options.)
    • Goobye, Granny.
      • Granny Potterington: Goodbye, dearie.

Attempting to use seasonaliser without having purchased it[edit | edit source]

  • Granny Potterington: That old thing hasn't worked in years. You'll need to buy some parts for it from the farmers' market.

Using a male lizard chicken on her[edit | edit source]

  • Granny Potterington: Wait a minute, how did you get a MALE lizard chicken? I though they were all hens! Mind if I keep him around on the farm?
    • Hand in Malcolm the lizard chicken to Granny P?
      • Yes.
        • Congratulations! You have completed: 'Life Uh, Found a Way'. (Hand in a lizard chicken called Malcolm with the Chaotic trait to Granny P.)
      • No.
        • (Dialogue terminates.)

Using a loyal magical zygomite on her[edit | edit source]

  • Granny Potterington: Oh, who's that little fun guy? Trevor, the magical zygomite, hey? He's loyal too. He'd make for a great pet! want me to housebreak him for ya?
    • Hand in magical Trevor to Granny P.?
      • Yes.
        • Congratulations! You have completed: 'Ever So Clever'. (Hand in a magical zygomite called Trevor with the Loyal trait to Granny P.)
      • No.
        • (Returns to standard dialogue.)

Contract Options[edit | edit source]

  • Do you have any questions?
    • Can we advertise what we're selling?
      • Granny Potterington: Of course! If there's a particular animal you want to attract buyers for, I'll put the word out. Or if you'd rather go back to relying on word of mouth, I can do that too. Which small animal would you like me to advertise?
        • Attract buyers for which small animal?
          • Rabbits.
            • (Continues below)
          • Chickens.
            • (Continues below)
          • Chinchompas.
            • (Continues below)
          • Return to word of mouth.
            • Granny Potterington: Which medium animal would you like me to advertise?
              • Attract buyers for which medium animal?
                • Sheep.
                  • (Continues below)
                • Spiders.
                  • (Continues below)
                • Zygomites.
                  • (Continues below)
                • Return to word of mouth.
                  • Granny Potterington: Which large animal would you like me to advertise?
                    • Attract buyers for which large animal?
                      • Cows.
                        • (Continues below)
                      • Yaks.
                        • (Continues below)
                      • Dragons.
                        • (Continues below)
                      • Return to word of mouth.
                        • (Shows normal dialogue options)
    • No, ma'am.
      • (Shows normal dialogue options)

After the release of Ranch Out of Time[edit | edit source]

  • (Random greeting as above.)
  • Granny Potterington: My dear, did you know that the Potterington brand has expanded? Why yes my little avocado, we have just opened up a new ranch over on Anachronia. You can raise great big bloody lizards there! If you want to take a look, you should head upstairs and take a look at the great big vine in the greenhouse. Those farming guild boffins have found a way to make it whisk you all the way over there. It's quite fun, gave me all the flutters when I tried it. Go on, take a look. I imagine there's lots of things you could do with ingredients harvested from those absolute units.
  • (Dialogue options as above.)