Transcript of Evidence file
Instructions to Dis-orderlies (One)[edit | edit source]
The job of the dis-orderlies is to prepare the 'patients' for surgery. Fortunately, with our donors already being walking corpses, it doesn't matter too much either way whether you get it right or not. Their undead bodies are extremely resilient, and can survive all but the most thorough attempt to destroy them. That said, if you don't do it right, they'll go through inhuman levels of agony, and once their transformation into a barrelchest is complete, I will give them the name of the dis-orderly that fluffed their surgery prep so they can thank you personally.
To prepare a donor for surgery, you need to pump them as full of laughing gas as you can to numb their sensation of pain, then use one of the supplied mallets to smash them over the head and induce a nice deep state of unawareness. Once these steps have been carried out, your patients need to go through to processing for our grimterns to perform the next step.
Instructions to Grimterns (Two)[edit | edit source]
Your task is to remove the parts of the donors we're interested in, and properly dispose of the rest. When I say 'properly dispose of', I mean properly. Incinerate them, don't just throw them in the sea. We don't want another incident like the one that happened last week with the fisherman, the torso and the subsequently necessary murder.
The parts of the donors we are interested in and that must remain intact are the arms, legs and head. Hack them off as close to the joint as you can. Don't worry if they're rough at the edges - that will all be dealt with at a later stage. Once you've removed the parts we're interested in, crate them up and transfer them over to the drunks in the tainted 'rum' pump room for the next step.
Instructions to Drunkards (Three)[edit | edit source]
First and foremost, STOP DRINKING THE TAINTED 'RUM'. It takes a lot of effort to secure a supply of 'rum', and even more to get the powdered black stone we're putting in it to have the effects on undead tissue we need to create the barrelchests. Besides, it needs to be injected directly into the body parts to have that effect. All it does to you is make you more useless than you already are.
Your job is the easiest there is, I don't know why you keep having so many problems with it. Just put the body parts on the tables, strap them in securely and hook them up to the 'rum' pumping stations. Once they've reached the optimal size, turf them to the next area to make the final preparations.
Instructions to Resi-deads (Four)[edit | edit source]
Yours is the final preparation task in the procedure. You've been trained by myself in surgery and Mechanical Murphy in mechanics, and chosen for this job because your maggot-ridden brains are the least stupid we have, so try not to mess it up.
You need to graft the mechanical joints we use for attaching the limbs to the mechanical bodies of the barrelchests where the bone sticks out. You need to be careful - doing this procedure on the still-unliving arms causes them pain, and while they're dismembered with no brain to control them, instinct will kick in. If one should get loose... Well, I don't need to remind you what happened to 'No-torso Jimmy', previously known as just 'Jimmy'.
Once you've attached the mechanical parts, send the limbs on to construction for the final stage of the procedure.
Orders to Mi-Gor and Mechanical Murphy (Five)[edit | edit source]
What are ye two doing out there? Hurry up on the construction of the barrelchest army and finish yer prototypes for our new secret weapon within the week, or they'll be hell te pay! I've spent many a year planning this attack. Mos Le'Harmless will fall, and ye two need te hurry up and finish preparations or ye'll be answering te the master!