Transcript of EVIL DAVE v. The People

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This transcript involves dialogue with the Clerk, Judge, Prosecutor, Defender, The Jury, Arresting officer, Evil Dave, Doris, Aris, Oziach, and the player.

Court documents[edit | edit source]

Court summons[edit | edit source]

The following text is transcluded from Transcript:Court summons (EVIL DAVE v. The People).

Court summons
You have been summoned to the Seers' Village courthouse to work on the case of EVIL DAVE vs The People.

Please present yourself to the court clerk at your earliest convenience.

Fingerprint report[edit | edit source]

The following text is transcluded from Transcript:Case report 1 (EVIL DAVE v. The People).

Fingerprint Report

Since the Defendant confessed on the spot to being evil, no fingerprints were necessary.

Circumstances and Evidence[edit | edit source]

The following text is transcluded from Transcript:Case report 2 (EVIL DAVE v. The People).

Circumstances and Evidence
Suspect: 'Evil' Dave
Case Background: Various reports have been received of an evil sorceror residing in Edgeville. Reports vary to the degree of evilness, but the number of reports prompted an investigation and arrest.
On arrest, the following were found at the scene of the crime:
Hellrats
Evil stew
Fluffy pants.

Defendant claimed officers were invading his BASEMENT OF DOOM, though no 'doom' was found on the premises.

Highly recommended that further interviews are conducted with the following witnesses:
Evil Dave (courthouse)
Evil Dave's mum, Doris (Edgeville)
Aris (Varrock)
Oziach (Edgeville)
Arresting Officer (courthouse)

Character Background[edit | edit source]

The following text is transcluded from Transcript:Case report 3 (EVIL DAVE v. The People).

Character Background

Suspect: 'Evil' Dave
Background: Dave was involved in the attempt to summon the demon Agrith Naar, which was narrowly foiled; however, he also helped the Culinaromancer by recreating his famed Evil Stew. Dave lives in a self-proclaimed BASEMENT OF DOOM and continues to try and summon demons, badly.

Pre-trial[edit | edit source]

Starting the case[edit | edit source]

Talking to the Clerk about the Court summons[edit | edit source]

Searching the File cabinet[edit | edit source]

Talking to Evil Dave[edit | edit source]

Prosecuting

  • Player: I need to talk to you about your court case.
  • Evil Dave: You may have caught me, but you can't put a cork in this SHAKEN BOTTLE OF FROTHING EVILNESS.
  • Ask about:
    • Evil.
      • Player: Why did you confess to being evil?
      • Evil Dave: Can you imagine how DOWNRIGHT DEVILISH I will seem if I'm convicted? I'll be front page of EVIL-DOERS MONTHLY.
      • Player: You're making my job very easy! I won't need to do anything to win this case.
      • Evil Dave: I know, isn't it AWFULLY WONDERFUL? I've got a one-way ticket to EVIL INFAMY. Toot toot!
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Hell-rats.
      • Player: Why is your basement filled with hellrats?
      • Evil Dave: My BASEMENT OF DOOM? Oh, it's where I summon my FOUR-LEGGED DEMONRATS to do my bidding.
      • Player: And what do you plan to do with these demons?
      • Evil Dave: Well, first they do my chores, because Mummy complains. Then they TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Mwahaha! Ha.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Fluffy pants.
      • Player: Why were fluffy pants found in your basement?
      • Evil Dave: My fluffieduffies... WAIT! THEY'RE NOT MINE! I've never seen them before. I'm being framed! That's it, this is a HIDEOUS PANT- BASED CONSPIRACY.
      • Player: Is that a rash breaking out across your face?
      • Evil Dave: I'm also allergic to blatant attempts at ruining my reputation!
      • (Shows previous options)
    • I don't have any more questions.
      • Player: I don't have any more questions.
      • (Dialogue ends)

Defending

  • Player: I need to talk to you about your court case.
  • Evil Dave: You may have caught me, but you can't put a cork in this SHAKEN BOTTLE OF FROTHING EVILNESS.
  • Ask about:
    • Evil.
      • Player: Why did you confess to being evil?
      • Evil Dave: Can you imagine how DOWNRIGHT DEVILISH I will seem if I'm convicted? I'll be front page of EVIL-DOERS MONTHLY.
      • Player: But you're making my job extremely difficult! I can't convince a Jury you're innocent if you keep confessing to being evil!
      • Evil Dave: But I am TOTALLY EVIL! Lying doesn't sit well with me: my head itches and I get a nasty rash.
      • Player: I don't want to know! Sheesh. I'm going to need another witnesses to defend your character.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Hell-rats.
      • Player: Why is your basement filled with hellrats?
      • Evil Dave: My BASEMENT OF DOOM? Oh, it's where I summon my FOUR-LEGGED DEMONRATS to do my bidding.
      • Player: And what do you plan to do with these demons?
      • Evil Dave: Well, first they do my chores, because Mummy complains. Then they TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Mwahaha! Ha.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Fluffy pants.
      • Player: Why were fluffy pants found in your basement?
      • Evil Dave: My fluffieduffies... WAIT! THEY'RE NOT MINE! I've never seen them before. I'm being framed! That's it, this is a HIDEOUS PANT- BASED CONSPIRACY.
      • Player: Is that a rash breaking out across your face?
      • Evil Dave: I'm also allergic to blatant attempts at ruining my reputation!
      • (Shows previous options)
    • I don't have any more questions.
      • Player: I don't have any more questions.
      • (Dialogue ends)

Talking to Doris[edit | edit source]

  • Doris: Hello again dearie. How are you doing?
  • Player: I'm okay, but Dave's in trouble. I need to talk to you about his court case.
  • Doris: My little Davey is going to court? Oh dear me! Please, I'll tell you whatever you need to win the case.
  • Ask about:
    • Dave's childhood.
      • Player: What was Dave like as a kid?
      • Doris: Oh, he's always been a little...different. It's because we live so close to the Wilderness; he's always been fascinated by it. Each birthday, he'd asked to go into Edgeville Dungeon. You know how kids are, always wanting to be dungeoneers! Thing is, he didn't want to be the hero, he wanted to be a monster! Then he spent one summer building a treehouse, which he claimed was his INSANOTOWER. I'm not saying I'm disappointed, but I was hoping he'd have grown out of it by now.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What's your opinion of Dave and all his evil ways?
      • Doris: Oh, he's not really evil. He just has some odd ways. He couldn't intentionally harm anyone - violence makes him faint - and he definitely can't stand vandalism: he screamed when I filled in a crossword for him. He saw that as extreme vandalism.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Fluffy pants.
      • Player: Why were fluffy pants found in Dave's BASEMENT OF DOOM?
      • Doris: Oh, Dave celebrates Fridays by wearing fluffy pants. He likes the feel of the fabric, and the way the elastic snaps when he pings it. He's such a dear, isn't he?
      • Player: Err, yes. Yes he is.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • I don't have any more questions.
      • Player: I don't have any more questions.
      • (Dialogue ends)

Talking to Aris[edit | edit source]

  • Player: I need to speak to you about Evil Dave. He's being taken to court for being evil.
  • Aris: You didn't need a crystal ball to see that one coming.
  • Ask about:
    • Culinaromancer.
      • Player: Can you tell me about Dave's part in defeating the Culinaromancer?
      • Aris: Well, young one, Evil Dave didn't play a huge role, but he assisted. His Evil Stew certainly helped.
      • Player: Why was he involved in the first place?
      • Aris: As is tradition, the gathering required an evil wizard. We invited Evil Dave because he professed to be evil but was, in fact, quite harmless.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Evil Stew.
      • Player: Why is it called Evil Stew? What's evil about it?
      • Aris: Evil Dave seems to name everything EVIL, HORRIBLE, HIDEOUSLY TERRIBLE, or something along those lines. There can be great power in names, so maybe he knows something that we do not.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What's your opinion of Evil Dave?
      • Aris: I don't know, his future is clouded. He could go either way, really.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • I don't have any more questions.
      • Player: I don't have any more questions.
      • (Dialogue ends)

Talking to Oziach[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Good day to you.
  • Oziach: Aye, 'tis a fair day, my mighty dragon-slaying friend.
    • Can I buy a rune platebody now, please?
      • (Non-relevant dialogue)
    • I'm not your friend.
      • (Non-relevant dialogue)
    • Yes, it's a very nice day.
      • (Non-relevant dialogue)
    • Can I have another key to Melzar's Maze?
      • (Non-relevant dialogue)
    • I need to talk to you about Evil Dave.
      • Player: I need to talk to you about Evil Dave. He's being taken to court for being evil.
      • Oziach: Really? Little David? Well, I'm good friends with the lad, so ask me what you will.
      • Ask about:
        • Evil acts.
          • Player: What can you tell me about these alleged acts of 'evil'?
          • Oziach: It's no secret that Dave has tried to summon demons. That's why those pesky hellrats are about. He was also part of that plot to summon the demon Agrith Naar. Fortunately, that plot was foiled, and Dave didn't really do any harm to anyone.
          • Player: Still, it's not a great resume for someone facing trial for being evil.
          • (Shows previous options)
        • Opinion of Dave.
          • Player: What's your opinion of Dave?
          • Oziach: I think Evil Dave is a real good kid. We chat about my adventures sometimes, and we joke about conspiracy theories - giant black knights, dragon dragons, that sort of thing. On occasion, he's even helped me with some house repairs. Everyone in Edgeville thinks the EVIL thing is just a phase.
          • (Shows previous options)
        • Relatives.
          • Player: Has Dave got any relatives or friends besides yourself that I could talk to?
          • Oziach: I've heard him mention an Uncle Nigel, although I've never met him. There's always the possibility that he doesn't exist, of course. Dave has had imaginary friends before.
          • (Shows previous options)
        • I don't have any more questions.
          • Player: I don't have any more questions.
          • (Dialogue ends)

Talking to Arresting officer[edit | edit source]

Prosecuting

  • Player: I'd like to talk to you about the arrest of Evil Dave.
  • Arresting officer: Well, get on with it. I'm a busy man, I have a lot of arrests to make.
  • Ask about:
    • The arrest.
      • Player: Can you tell me about the arrest?
      • Arresting officer: Sure. It was the easiest arrest we have ever made. We entered Evil Dave's BASEMENT OF DOOM-
      • Player: He lives in a basement of doom?
      • Arresting officer: No, a BASEMENT OF DOOM. It was quite creepy-looking. There were all these little hellrats running around weird pipes and machines.
      • Player: Okay, one BASEMENT OF DOOM. Got it. What happened next?
      • Arresting officer: Well, we told him that we were there to arrest him for alleged acts of evil, and that he'd have to stand before a court to prove his innocence. He got overly excited and requested that we put him in handcuffs, so that he could look SUITABLY DEMONIC as we walked him out. Those were his words.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Confession.
      • Player: So, Dave admitted that he was evil?
      • Arresting officer: EVIL. Apparently there's a difference. He stated very clearly, and made sure we wrote it down correctly, that he was UTTERLY EVIL and CONNIVING. Also, he wanted me to state in my testimony that he lives in a BASEMENT OF DOOM and regularly summons SHUDDERINGLY EVIL demons to do his bidding. This is all too easy!
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What is your opinion of Dave?
      • Arresting officer: He seems like a quality bloke, if a little...weird, you know? Sure, he sticks the word EVIL in front of everything, but he's been very polite in jail and even shared his recipe for EVIL STEW. The nightshift have found it really tasty, and we've even had a few stew parties.
      • Player: Would you say he's a threat to others?
      • Arresting officer: Heck no! He's only a threat to the dictionary definition of 'evil'. It's a shame he's so eager to be convicted, since I'm pretty sure he's innocent. He just likes to have an evil persona, you know?
      • (Shows previous options)
    • I don't have any more questions.
      • Player: I don't have any more questions.
      • (Dialogue ends)

Defending

  • Player: I'd like to talk to you about the arrest of Evil Dave.
  • Arresting officer: Well, get on with it. I'm a busy man, I have a lot of arrests to make.
  • Ask about:
    • The arrest.
      • Player: Can you tell me about the arrest?
      • Arresting officer: Sure. It was the easiest arrest we have ever made. We entered Evil Dave's BASEMENT OF DOOM-
      • Player: He lives in a basement of doom?
      • Arresting officer: No, a BASEMENT OF DOOM. It was quite creepy-looking. There were all these little hellrats running around weird pipes and machines.
      • Player: Okay, one BASEMENT OF DOOM. Got it. What happened next?
      • Arresting officer: Well, we told him that we were there to arrest him for alleged acts of evil, and that he'd have to stand before a court to prove his innocence. He got overly excited and requested that we put him in handcuffs, so that he could look SUITABLY DEMONIC as we walked him out. Those were his words.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Confession.
      • Player: So, Dave admitted that he was evil?
      • Arresting officer: EVIL. Apparently there's a difference. He stated very clearly, and made sure we wrote it down correctly, that he was UTTERLY EVIL and CONNIVING. Also, he wanted me to state in my testimony that he lives in a BASEMENT OF DOOM and regularly summons SHUDDERINGLY EVIL demons to do his bidding.
      • Player:' Oh boy. This is going to be a tough case to crack.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What is your opinion of Dave?
      • Arresting officer: He seems like a quality bloke, if a little...weird, you know? Sure, he sticks the word EVIL in front of everything, but he's been very polite in jail and even shared his recipe for EVIL STEW. The nightshift have found it really tasty, and we've even had a few stew parties.
      • Player: Would you say he's a threat to others?
      • Arresting officer: Heck no! He's only a threat to the dictionary definition of 'evil'. It's a shame he's so eager to be convicted, since I'm pretty sure he's innocent. He just likes to have an evil persona, you know?
      • (Shows previous options)
    • I don't have any more questions.
      • Player: I don't have any more questions.
      • (Dialogue ends)

Enter the court room[edit | edit source]

Trial[edit | edit source]

Commencement[edit | edit source]

Opening statement[edit | edit source]

Only if prosecuting

  • Player: Thank you, Your Honour. Members of the Jury, I am going to present you with evidence that decisively proves Evil Dave is in fact evil and a menace to society.
  • (Same as 'Your Honour, I'd like to present evidence.' below)

Only if defending

Talking to the judge[edit | edit source]

  • Judge: What can I do for you?
    • Your Honour, could you explain what I need to do?
    • Your Honour, I'd like to present evidence.
    • Your Honour, I'd like to call a witness.
      • Player: Your Honour, I would like to call a witness.
      • If the player did not interview anyone prior to the trial:
        • Judge: You haven't interviewed anyone. That's going to make it hard for you to ask them pertinent questions, don't you think?
      • Otherwise:
        • Choose your witness:
          • Evil Dave
          • Dave's mum
          • Aris
          • Oziach
          • Arresting officer
          • No one at this time. I would like to present physical evidence.
          • No one at this time. I would like to finish and summarise my case.
            • Player: No one at this time, Your Honour. I would like to finish my presentation by summarising my case to the Jury.
            • (Proceed to 'Summary' below)
    • Your Honour, I'd like to summarise my case.
      • Player: Your Honour, I would like to finish by summarising my case to the Jury.
      • (Proceed to 'Summary' below)

Presenting evidence[edit | edit source]

Hellrats[edit | edit source]

If prosecuting:

  • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if I could draw your attention to Prosecution Evidence #1: Hellrats.
  • The Prosecution presents the hellrats as evidence.
    • Dave summoned them to do his evil bidding.
      • Player: Dave admitted to summoning the hellrats to do his bidding. He even confessed that he planned to take over the world with the demons he summoned. This time, the demons turned out to be harmless rats, but what if they're something bigger next time?
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about the hellrats before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • Aren't they cute?
      • Player: Look how cute they are! Look at their iddy-bitty red ears! Aww, how you doing there silly-face? You want some milky?
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about the hellrats before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • They're just an infestation.
      • Player: They're nothing more than an infestation. Once Dave cleans out his basement, they'll go away.
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)

If defending:

  • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if I could draw your attention to Prosecution Evidence #1: Hellrats.
    • Dave summoned them to do his evil bidding.
      • Player: Sure, Dave admitted to summoning the rats. But we've all dabbled with summoning, right? I'm pretty sure you can summon evil turnips, but does that make you evil?
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • Aren't they cute?
      • Player: Look how cute they are! Look at their iddy-bitty red ears! Aww, how you doing there silly catface? You want some milky?
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about the hellrats before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • They're just an infestation.
      • Player: Dave is as responsible for the hellrats as a homeowner is for the cockroaches under their floorboards. They are an infestation, and have nothing to do with summoning, demons or bringing evil into this world.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about the hellrats before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)

BASEMENT OF DOOM[edit | edit source]

If prosecuting:

  • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if I could draw your attention to Prosecution Evidence #2: The BASEMENT OF DOOM.
  • The Prosecution presents the BASEMENT OF DOOM as evidence.
    • It's creepy, but no DOOM was found.
      • Player: Dave's basement is reportedly quite creepy-looking. It has strange machines, pipes and hellrats. That being said, no DOOM was found on the premises, unless you count the words 'DOOM' written over and over again in crayon on the walls.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about the basement of doom before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • He lives in his mum's basement.
      • Player: Dave lives in his mum's basement. Evil doesn't want to be found, so it often hides in the most unconventional of places. Who would look for a summoner of demons in a housewife's basement?
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • Dave's den of iniquity.
      • Player: The BASEMENT OF DOOM is a den of iniquity, where evil lurks around every corner. Dave practices dark magic down there, and tries to conjure the hosts of hell to do his bidding. You wouldn't want to live within a demon-arm's length of it.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about the basement of doom before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)

If defending:

  • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if I could draw your attention to Prosecution Evidence #2: The BASEMENT OF DOOM.
    • It's creepy, but no DOOM was found.
      • Player: So, the basement looks a bit creepy. What basement doesn't? Yeah, yeah, it's filled with demon hellrats, strange machinery and it's called the BASEMENT OF DOOM, but really it's all good, honest fun.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about the basement of doom before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • He lives in his mum's basement.
      • Player: Dave lives in his mum's basement. It's a bit sad, but not uncommon. Naming it the BASEMENT OF DOOM is an attempt, by Dave, to distance himself from the society that misunderstands him. There is nothing evil or illicit about giving your home a name that puts people off from visiting.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about the basement of doom before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • It's a musty old basement.
      • Player: Dave lives in his mum's musty old basement, hiding from the awkward social interactions of the world above him.
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)

Evil Stew[edit | edit source]

If prosecuting:

  • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if I could draw your attention to Prosecution Evidence #3: Evil Stew.
  • The Prosecution presents Evil Stew as evidence.
    • The stew was created to help stop the Culinaromancer.
      • Player: The stew was made as part of an effort to defeat the Culinaromancer. Dave's assistance was crucial in his defeat. Wait, am I prosecuting or defending this case? I've forgotten.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about the evil stew before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • It's tasty, tasty, very very tasty.
      • Player: It's really tasty stew. Have you tried it? Because you should. Deeeeelish.
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • Calling it Evil Stew could give it unknown powers.
      • Player: Aris claims that there is power in names and, since Dave calls this EVIL Stew, it's possible that he's creating something both tasty and fizzing with dark magic.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about the evil stew before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)

If defending:

  • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if I could draw your attention to Prosecution Evidence #3: Evil Stew.
    • The stew was created to help stop the Culinaromancer.
      • Player: The stew was made as part of an effort to defeat the Culinaromancer. The twist in this tale is that Evil Dave may in fact be GOOD.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about the evil stew before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • It's tasty, tasty, very very tasty.
      • Player: Have you actually tried this stew? It's amazing! If you all contact me after the hearing, I can give you an information pack detailing how you can make it at home.
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • Calling it Evil Stew could give it unknown powers.
      • Player: Aris claims that there is power in names and, since Dave calls this EVIL stew, it's possible he's creating something particularly powerful. It could just mean it's so evil it's good - something like that.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about the evil stew before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)

Fluffy pants[edit | edit source]

If prosecuting:

  • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if I could draw your attention to Prosecution Evidence #4: Fluffy pants.
  • The Prosecution presents fluffy pants as evidence.
    • Dave's fluffy pants show a softer side to him.
      • Player: Dave's wearing of fluffy pants shows a softer side of his character, but it's certainly not normal. I don't wear fluffy pants...not on Fridays, anyway.
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • Dave's fluffy pants are just another aspect of his degenerative lifestyle.
      • Player: Dave's fluffy pants are just another aspect of his degenerative lifestyle. He admitted to wearing fluffy pants on Fridays to prepare himself for truly evil weekends. This kind of sick person could live next door to you!
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about the fluffy pants before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • Fluffy Pants Friday is a new national holiday!
      • Player: Now, don't shoot the idea down immediately, but how about making Fluffy Pants Friday a new national holiday? What better way to inspire world peace than enjoying the fluffyness of pants on a Friday? How can you war when your mid-section is in complete comfort?
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about the fluffy pants before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)

If defending:

  • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if I could draw your attention to Prosecution Evidence #4: Fluffy pants.
    • Dave's fluffy pants show a softer side to him.
      • Player: Dave's fluffy pants shows a softer side. A backside! Anyway, I think we can all agree that no villain in history has had a taste for fleecy underwear.
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • A man who wears fluffy pants can't take over the world.
      • Player: Dave's fluffy pants are just another aspect of his misunderstood lifestyle. He goes to great lengths to make excuses for wearing fluffy pants. Does this sound like the inner workings of a mind that could take over the world? I think not.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about the fluffy pants before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)
    • Fluffy Pants Friday is a new national holiday!
      • Player: Now, don't shoot the idea down immediately, but how about making Fluffy Pants Friday a new national holiday? What better way to inspire world peace than enjoying the fluffyness of pants on a Friday? How can you war when your mid-section is in complete comfort?
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about the fluffy pants before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Proceed to 'What evidence do you want to present?' above)

Cross-examination[edit | edit source]

Evil Dave[edit | edit source]

If prosecuting:

  • Ask about:
    • Evil.
      • Player: Did you or did you not confess to being evil?
      • Evil Dave: I did more than just confess: I explained, at length, how I became so evil, like all good villains should.
      • Player: And you refer to yourself as 'Evil' Dave?
      • Evil Dave: Refer to myself? It is my name! I am EVIL DAVE, TAUNTER OF THE GOOD, EATER OF STEW, and SON OF DORIS.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about Evil Dave before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Hellrats.
      • Player: Why is your basement filled with hellrats?
      • Evil Dave: My BASEMENT OF DOOM is where I perform TOTALLY EVIL MAGICKS to summon DEMONS to do my bidding.
      • Player: And what do you plan to do with these demons?
      • Evil Dave: First, clean my room. Second, TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
      • Player: Is that so? That is clearly a very evil plan.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about Evil Dave before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Fluffy pants.
      • Player: Why were fluffy pants found in your basement?
      • Evil Dave: I knew you would bring these up again. I have a better answer this time: you are referring to my PANTS OF EVIL GENIUS. I wear them on Fridays to prepare for WEEKENDS OF SPLEENMELTING MISCHIEVOUSNESS. They are magical and help me brainstorm evil tasks for the coming week.
      • Player: Why are you suddenly admitting these pants are yours?
      • Evil Dave: Because I realised I didn't need to be ashamed. These pants are undeniably EVIL.
      • Player: And are your other pants evil?
      • Evil Dave: On Fridays my fluffy pants are simply EVIL. On other days, my pants are EVIL to the power of INFINITY!
      • Player: But you admit that the rest of the week - the majority of the week - your pants are evil?
      • Evil Dave: By Zammy, you better believe it! I've given them different names for each day. Right now, I'm wearing THREATENING THURSDAY pants.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about Evil Dave before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now.
      • (Dialogue ends)
  • If you have gone through all three of Evil Dave's self-incriminating options
    • Judge: It has become apparent that this witness is a liability to himself and his case. All testimony by this witness is to be stricken from the record and the Jury is to disregard it.
    • Player: But that's not fair: he confessed!
    • Judge: Well, you'll have to prove his guilt by other means. I'm sure that, if he is guilty, there is enough physical evidence and witness testimonies to back it up.

If defending:

  • Ask about:
    • Evil.
      • Player: You didn't really confess to being evil. You must have just misunderstood the question.
      • Evil Dave: No, no. I'm totally EVIL. Small creatures - those that are smaller than an average-sized dog - cower at my presence and insects FEAR me.
      • Player: Dave did you really just confess in front of the whole court?
      • Evil Dave: I confess! I confess, I confess, I confess! Otherwise, I would be lying and lying is BAD. So, I admit openly that I am FIENDISHLY EVIL.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about Evil Dave before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Hellrats.
      • Player: Why is your basement filled with hellrats?
      • Evil Dave: My BASEMENT OF DOOM is where I perform TOTALLY EVIL MAGICKS to summon DEMONS to do my bidding.
      • Player: You mean you summoned them to be your friends because you're lonely.
      • Evil Dave: EVIL OVERLORDS don't get lonely. They just get even!
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about Evil Dave before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Fluffy pants.
      • Player: Why were fluffy pants found in your basement?
      • Evil Dave: I knew you would bring these up again. I have a better answer this time; you are referring to my PANTS OF EVIL GENIUS. I wear them on Fridays to prepare for WEEKENDS OF SPLEENMELTING MISCHIEVOUSNESS. They are magical and help me brainstorm evil tasks for the coming week.
      • Player: Why are you suddenly admitting these pants are yours?
      • Evil Dave: Because I realised I didn't need to be ashamed. These pants are undeniably EVIL.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about Evil Dave before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thank you.
      • (Dialogue ends)
  • If you have asked about Evil and Hellrats, or all three when staring with Fluffy pants
    • Judge: It has become apparent that this witness is a liability to himself and his case. All testimony by this witness is to be stricken from the record and the Jury is to disregard it.
    • Player: Thank Guthix. I should never have had him testify.
    • Judge: I would recommend following other leads to prove his innocence.

Dave's mum[edit | edit source]

If prosecuting:

  • Ask about:
    • Dave's childhood.
      • Player: What was Dave like as a kid?
      • Doris: Oh, my Davey's special; everyone in Edgeville knows that. I remember Christmas, when he'd write letters to Santa, asking if he could become a monster and live in Edgeville Dungeon. Oh yes! There was that summer when he built a treehouse. It wasn't a treehouse as we'd imagine in it, of course: it was his INSANOTOWER. *sigh* I hoped he'd have grown out of it by now, but it keeps him happy.
      • Player: Clearly, Dave has been corrupted since childhood. It's unfortunate that no action has been taken until now to curb his evil ways.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about Dave's mum before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What's your opinion of Dave and his evil ways?
      • Doris: Oh, his ways aren't evil. You need to get to know him. Come over and have tea with us sometime; I could make chicken hotpot.
      • Player: A mother's hotpot can't save a criminal from their misdeeds.
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Fluffy pants.
      • Player: Why were fluffy pants found in Dave's basement?
      • Doris: Oh, Dave likes to celebrate Fridays by wearing his fluffy pants. He likes the feel of the fabric; the ping of the elastic on his skin. Little Davey loves his creature comforts.
      • Player: Not exactly normal behaviour. There must be something evil about it!
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about Dave's mum before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thank you.
      • (Dialogue ends)

If defending:

  • Ask about:
    • Dave's childhood.
      • Player: What was Dave like as a kid?
      • Doris: Oh, my Davey's special; everyone in Edgeville knows that. I remember Christmas, when he'd write letters to Santa, asking if he could become a monster and live in Edgeville Dungeon. Oh yes! There was that summer when he built a treehouse. It wasn't a treehouse as we'd imagine in it, of course: it was his INSANOTOWER. *sigh* I hoped he'd have grown out of it by now, but it keeps him happy.
      • Player: Well...uh...it sounds like he's grown out of all that INSANOTOWER business. No tower, insane or otherwise, was found at the premises.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about Dave's mum before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What's your opinion of Dave and his evil ways?
      • Doris: Evil? Davey? Oh, no no no. Davey's about as evil as a suet dumpling.
      • Player: There you, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury: Evil Dave is equivalent to a dumpling.
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Fluffy pants.
      • Player: Why were fluffy pants found in Dave's basement?
      • Doris: Oh, Dave likes to celebrate Fridays by wearing his fluffy pants. He likes the feel of the fabric; the ping of the elastic on his skin. Little Davey loves his creature comforts.
      • Player: That shows a softer side to Dave: his backside! There's nothing even remotely evil about fluffy pants.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about Dave's mum before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thank you.
      • (Dialogue ends)

Aris[edit | edit source]

If prosecuting:

  • Ask about:
    • Culinaromancer.
      • Player: Can you tell me about Dave's role in defeating the Culinaromancer?
      • Aris: Well, young one, Evil Dave didn't play a pivotal role, but he helped us to make Evil Stew.
      • Player: Why was he involved in the first place?
      • Aris: As the ancient rites state, the gathering requires an evil wizard. We invited Evil Dave because he proclaims himself to be evil but is, in fact, quite harmless.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about Aris before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Evil Stew.
      • Player: Why is it called Evil Stew? What's evil about it?
      • Aris: Evil Dave has a habit of naming everything 'EVIL' this, or 'EVIL' that. You never know, I suppose: there is a great deal of magic in names, and Dave may know something we do not.
      • Player: Only one kind of magic can come from 'Evil' Stew, and that's dark magic! Yet more proof that Dave is in fact evil!
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about Aris before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What's your opinion of Evil Dave?
      • Aris: I don't know, his future is clouded. He could go either way, really.
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thank you.
      • (Dialogue ends)

If defending:

  • Ask about:
    • Culinaromancer.
      • Player: Can you tell me about Dave's role in defeating the Culinaromancer?
      • Aris: Well, as you know, Evil Dave's role in the whole debacle was pretty small. He helped though, and taught us how to make Evil Stew.
      • Player: Why was he involved in the first place?
      • Aris: Ancient rites dictate that the gathering requires an evil wizard. We invited Evil Dave because he proclaimed himself to be evil but was, in fact, quite harmless.
      • Player: Not only did he help defeat a fearful foe, but a fortuneteller of great renown thinks he's harmless!
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about Aris before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Evil Stew.
      • Player: Why is it called Evil Stew? What's evil about it?
      • Aris: Evil Dave has a habit of naming everything 'EVIL' this, or 'EVIL' that. You never know, I suppose: there is a great deal of magic in names, and Dave may know something we do not.
      • Player: That's hardly likely, is it? Don't you think he calls it 'EVIL' because he finds it really tasty?
      • Aris: In my experience, evil can come from any direction. Even from basements.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about Aris before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What's your opinion of Evil Dave?
      • Aris: I don't know, his future is clouded. He could go either way, really.
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thank you.
      • (Dialogue ends)

Oziach[edit | edit source]

If prosecuting:

  • Ask about:
    • Evil acts.
      • Player: What can you tell me about the alleged acts of 'evil' that Dave may or may not have committed?
      • Oziach: There's no denying that Dave has tried to summon demons from his basement. That's why those pesky hellrats are about. He was also part of a plot to summon the demon Agrith Naar. His involvement was pretty half-hearted, and the plot was foiled; he didn't really do any harm to anyone.
      • Player: He did no harm, but he had every intention. Our justice system doesn't make exceptions if a criminal is incompetent. A criminal is a criminal.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about Oziach before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What's your opinion of Dave?
      • Oziach: Evil Dave is a great kid. We chat and come up with wacky conspiracy theories about giant black knights and dragon dragons. On occasion, he's even helped me with some house repairs.
      • Player: But, you do think he's evil?
      • Oziach: Not at all. He likes calling himself that, but I don't think he actually is.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about Oziach before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Relatives.
      • Player: Has Dave got any relatives or friends, besides yourself, that may have influenced him?
      • Oziach: He's got an Uncle Nigel, although I've never met him. Dave might just have made him up, as he's had imaginary friends before.
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thank you.
      • (Dialogue ends)

If defending:

  • Ask about:
    • Evil acts.
      • Player: What can you tell me about alleged acts of 'evil' that Dave may or may not have committed?
      • Oziach: What you have to understand is that Dave was never close to summoning demons in his basement. That's why those pesky hellrats are all around. Although he was part of a plot to summon the demon Agrith Naar, he was some way from being successful. He never means to harm anyone and I can't recall a time when he has.
      • Player: Still, that can't be good for my case.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about Oziach before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What's your opinion of Dave?
      • Oziach: There's no doubting that he is a good kid. I chat to him about my adventures sometimes and we joke about harmless stuff, conspiracy theories and the like. On occasion he's even helped me with some house repairs. The EVIL thing is just a phase.
      • Player: So, you don't think Dave is evil?
      • Oziach: No, I don't. It's just something he likes to call himself.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about Oziach before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Relatives.
      • Player: Has Dave got any relatives or friends, besides yourself, that may have influenced him?
      • Oziach: He's got an Uncle Nigel, who wants Dave to follow him into his line of work. That's what Dave tells me, anyway; he has had imaginary friends before.
      • The Jury reacts to the argument.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thank you.
      • (Dialogue ends)

Arresting officer[edit | edit source]

If prosecuting:

  • Ask about:
    • The arrest.
      • Player: Can you tell me about the arrest?
      • Arresting officer: Sure. It was the easiest arrest we ever made. We entered Evil Dave's BASEMENT OF DOOM-
      • Player: He lives in a basement of doom?
      • Arresting officer: No, it's a BASEMENT OF DOOM. It was quite creepy- looking. There were all these weird pipes and machines, and hellrats running about them.
      • Player: What happened next?
      • Arresting officer: He went a bit hyperactive and requested that we put him in handcuffs, so that he could look SUITABLY DEMONIC as we walked him out. Those were his words, not mine.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about the arresting office before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Confession.
      • Player: So, Dave admitted that he was evil?
      • Arresting officer: EVIL. He wanted to make it clear that there is a difference. He also made sure we wrote it down correctly, that he was UTTERLY EVIL and CONNIVING. Also, he wanted me to make it state in my testimony that he lives in a BASEMENT OF DOOM and regularly summons SHUDDERINGLY EVIL demons to do his bidding.
      • Player: The Defendant is evil - sorry, EVIL - and has no intention of turning from his nefarious path!
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about the arresting office before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What is your opinion of Dave?
      • Arresting officer: I really like the bloke. Sure, it's irritating the way he sticks EVIL in front of everything and shouts all the time, but he has a knack for a very tasty stew.
      • Player: Would you say he's a threat to others?
      • Arresting officer: Oh heck, no. He's barely a threat to himself. It's a shame he's so eager to be convicted, otherwise I would have just thrown him back out onto the streets.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about the arresting office before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thank you.
      • (Dialogue ends)

If defending:

  • Ask about:
    • The arrest.
      • Player: Can you tell me about the arrest?
      • Arresting officer: Sure. It was the easiest arrest we ever made. We entered Evil Dave's BASEMENT OF DOOM-
      • Player: Oh dear. Did you just say basement of doom?
      • Arresting officer: No, BASEMENT OF DOOM. It was quite creepy-looking. There were all these weird pipes and machines, and hellrats running about them.
      • Player: What happened next?
      • Arresting officer: He went a bit hyperactive and requested that we put him in handcuffs, so that he could look SUITABLY DEMONIC as we walked him out. Those were his words, not mine.
      • Player: Could it be that he just likes the feel of handcuffs?
      • Arresting officer: Uh, I don't think so. The boy loves the idea of being arrested.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about the arresting office before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Confession.
      • Player: So, Dave admitted that he was evil?
      • Arresting officer: EVIL. He wanted to make it clear that there is a difference. He also made sure we wrote it down correctly, that he was UTTERLY EVIL and CONNIVING. Finally, he wanted me to make it state in my testimony that he lives in a BASEMENT OF DOOM and regularly summons SHUDDERINGLY EVIL demons to do his bidding.
      • Player: Oh my. That's not going to be good for my case.
      • If the Jury didn't agree with the player's argument about the arresting office before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury disagrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What is your opinion of Dave?
      • Arresting officer: I really like the bloke. Sure, it's irritating the way he sticks EVIL in front of everything and shouts all the time, but he has a knack for a very tasty stew.
      • Player: Would you say he's a threat to others?
      • Arresting officer: Oh heck, no. He's barely a threat to himself. It's a shame he's so eager to be convicted, otherwise I would have just thrown him back out onto the streets.
      • If the Jury didn't disagree with the player's argument about the arresting office before:
        • The Jury reacts to the argument.
        • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • (Shows previous options)
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thank you.
      • (Dialogue ends)

Talking to the prosecutor[edit | edit source]

Only if defending:

Talking to the defender[edit | edit source]

Only if prosecuting:

All evidence presented[edit | edit source]

If the player has received one positive or negative jury response for each piece of evidence:

All evidence presented and witnesses interviewed[edit | edit source]

If the player has received one positive or negative jury response for each piece of evidence and each witness:

  • Judge: I think that is enough. It's time for you to summarise your case to the Jury.
  • (Proceed to 'Summary' below)

Summary[edit | edit source]

  • Which member of the Jury would you like to try to appeal to?
  • Opens Jury selection interface.
  • If prosecuting:
    • If the player made enough correct choices in their argumentation:
      • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I have presented evidence that conclusively proves the Defendant is evil, has confessed to being evil, and plans to do evil things. The men and women of Edgeville have seen enough misery and destruction, so we must act pre-emptively now. Today, he lives in a dingy basement and summons irritating pests. Tomorrow, he could well be summoning a large demon to plunder your home.
      • Judge: Very well. Now, the Defence may present their case.
      • (Same as 'The defence's case: Full case' below)
      • (Same as Transcript:Court Cases § Pronouncing verdict)
      • Evil Dave: Alright! I'm TOTALLY EVIL.
    • If the player did not make enough correct choices in their argumentation:
      • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I have presented evidence that conclusively proves the Defendant is evil, has confessed to being evil, and plans to do evil things. The men and women of Edgeville have seen enough misery and destruction, so we must act pre-emptively now. Today, he is a small-scale dark wizard. Tomorrow, he's riding on top of dragons, shooting lightning bolts out of his eyes and turning your first-born children inside-out.
      • Judge: Very well. Now, the Defence may present their case.
      • (Same as 'The defence's case: Full case' below)
      • (Same as Transcript:Court Cases § Pronouncing verdict)
      • Evil Dave: How could they not see how TOTALLY EVIL I am?
  • If defending:
    • If the player made enough correct choices in their argumentation:
      • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, just as a child wishes to be seen as an adult, and an ugly duckling wishes itself to be pretty, Evil Dave wishes to be evil, but is not. Any number of facts have proven this to be correct. The Prosecution's case rests on the confession of a misguided young man who believes that evil equates to red rats, fluffy pants and strong-flavoured stew. Dave's evilness just manifests itself in his vocabulary. He doesn't want to do evil, he just likes thinking he is evil.
      • Judge: I believe we've heard enough.
      • (Same as Transcript:Court Cases § Pronouncing verdict)
      • Evil Dave: NO! I want to appeal! I AM TERRIFYINGLY EVIL!
    • If the player did not make enough correct choices in their argumentation:
      • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I ask you to look at the definition of 'Evil' in the dictionary: 'a small beetle with a long snout; pests of crops or foodstuffs'. Oh, wait, that's a weevil... Dave's evilness just manifests itself in his vocabulary. He doesn't want to do evil, he just likes thinking he is evil.
      • Judge: I believe we've heard enough.
      • (Same as Transcript:Court Cases § Pronouncing verdict)
      • Evil Dave: Alright! I'm TOTALLY EVIL!

The prosecution's case[edit | edit source]

Only if defending

Summary[edit | edit source]

  • Prosecutor: My case rests on these points: Dave summoned Hellrats to do his bidding and wants to summon a demon army. Dave lives in a BASEMENT OF DOOM, I think that says it all. Finally, Dave's favourite dish is EVIL Stew. There is power in names, so this stew must be diabolical. I called Dave's Mum to the stand and asked her what Dave was like as a child. Apparently he's always had these dark tendencies. I then called the arresting officer. He said Dave confessed on the spot to evil doings.

Full case[edit | edit source]

  • Prosecutor: Members of the Jury, I am going to present you with evidence that decisively proves Evil Dave is in fact evil and a menace to society. First, I present the hellrats. Dave has admitted to summoning these hellrats to do his bidding. He has even confessed that he was trying to take over the world with an army of demons.
  • The Prosecution presents the hellrats as evidence.
  • Prosecutor: Second, the BASEMENT OF DOOM. The BASEMENT OF DOOM is a place of horrors, where evil lurks around every corner. Dave practices dark magic down there, and attempts to conjure the hosts of hell to do his bidding. Not a place you'd want to live next-door to.
  • The Prosecution presents the BASEMENT OF DOOM as evidence.
  • Prosecutor: Finally, the Evil Stew. Aris claims that there is power in names and, since Dave calls this EVIL stew, it's more than likely that he's creating something saturated with dark magic.
  • The Prosecution presents Evil Stew as evidence.
  • Prosecutor: The Prosecution calls Dave's Mum.
  • Doris is called to the stand.
  • Prosecutor: What was Dave like as a child?
  • Doris: Oh, Davey's always been a little...different. Growing up so close to the Wilderness has made my little dearie unusual - in a good way of course. When he was little, he wanted to go into Edgeville Dungeon. You know how kids are, always wanting to be dungeoneers. Thing is, he didn't want to be a hero, he wanted to be a monster!
  • Prosecutor: Clearly, Evil Dave has been corrupted from childhood. It's unfortunate that no action was taken until now to curb his evil ways.
  • The Jury reacts to the argument and agrees with the prosecutor.
  • Prosecutor: The Prosecution calls the arresting officer.
  • Doris leaves the stand. The arresting officer is called to the stand.
  • Prosecutor: So, Dave admitted that he was evil?
  • Arresting officer: He certainly did. He stated very clearly, and made sure we wrote it down correctly, that he was UTTERLY EVIL and CONNIVING. Also, he wanted me to make it clear in my testimony that he lives in a BASEMENT OF DOOM and regularly summons SHUDDERINGLY EVIL demons to do his bidding.
  • Prosecutor: Well, I think that's pretty clear-cut. A complete confession from the Defendant!
  • The Jury reacts to the argument and agrees with the prosecutor.
  • Judge: I think that will be enough. It's time for you to summarise your case to the Jury.
  • Prosecutor: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I have presented evidence that conclusively proves the Defendant is intent on doing evil deeds and should be put behind bars.
  • The arresting officer leaves the stand.
  • Prosecutor: By some miracle, no one has been hurt yet, but we can all agree that it is a matter of time before the screaming, running and rivers of blood start. I shudder to think of what will happen to Edgeville when he finally summons his demon army.
  • (Dialogue ends)

The defence's case[edit | edit source]

Only if prosecuting

Summary[edit | edit source]

  • Defender: My case rests on these points: There's no proof Dave summoned the Hellrats. They could be an infestation from bad housekeeping. There is nothing evil about Dave's basement. He just named it that way for fun. Finally, evil stew was created to help STOP the Culinaromancer, a truly evil man. I called Aris to the stand and asked her about Dave's part in the defeat of the Culinaromancer. She also thinks he's harmless. I then called Dave's Mum. She said Dave enjoys wearing fluffy pants. Who can take a man who wears fluffy pants seriously?

Full case[edit | edit source]

  • Defender: Members of the Jury, I am going to present you with evidence that, rather than being evil, Dave is simply misunderstood and misguided. Jury members, please refer to Prosecution Evidence #1: the hellrats. Dave didn't summon these rats! They're just an infestation from his messy housekeeping. They look odd because he lives so close to the Wilderness, where magic corrupts even the most normal things. Jury members, please refer to Prosecution Evidence #2: the BASEMENT OF DOOM. Rather than a hellish dungeon, Dave lives in his mum's basement; it's a bit sad, but not uncommon. Naming it the BASEMENT OF DOOM is an attempt, by Dave, to distance himself from the society that misunderstands him. There is nothing evil or illicit about giving your home a name that puts people off from visiting. Jury members, please refer to Prosecution Evidence #3: the Evil Stew. The stew was made in an effort to defeat the Culinaromancer. Dave's assistance was crucial in the Culinaromancer's defeat, clearly demonstrating that Evil Dave is in fact GOOD. Jury members, please refer to Prosecution Evidence #4: Fluffy pants. Dave's fluffy pants are emblematic of his lifestyle: underneath it all - the stew, the demons, the basement - Dave desires comfort and happiness. To achieve that happiness, he pushes people away with a thin veil of evilness. A man who wears frilly underwear is not a threat, people. The Defence calls Aris.
  • Aris is called to the stand.
  • Defender: Can you tell me about Dave's part in defeating the Culinaromancer?
  • Aris: Well, young one, Evil Dave did not play a huge role, but he did assist in the making of Evil Stew. It certainly helped.
  • Defender: Why was he involved in the first place?
  • Aris: The gathering of a council required, by ancient law, an evil wizard. We invited Evil Dave because he proclaimed himself evil, but was, in fact, quite harmless.
  • Defender: So, not only did he help defeat a fearful foe, but a fortuneteller of great renown thinks he's harmless.
  • The Jury reacts to the argument and agrees with the defender.
  • Defender: The Defence calls Dave's mum.
  • Aris leaves the stand. Doris is called to the stand.
  • Defender: Why were fluffy pants found in Dave's basement?
  • Doris: Oh, Dave likes to celebrate Fluffy Pants Fridays. It's the feel of the fabric. You can tell that he worries about people finding out, so he doesn't wear them all the time. Oh, poor Davey: he must hate that his dirty laundry is being aired in public!
  • Defender: That shows a softer side of Dave. There's nothing evil about fluffy pants.
  • The Jury reacts to the argument and agrees with the defender.
  • Judge: I think that will be enough. It's time for you to summarise your case to the Jury.
  • Defender: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I have presented evidence that conclusively proves the Defendant is innocent with regards to these charges.
  • Doris leaves the stand.
  • Defender: Evil Dave has delusions of evilness. He may think he is evil, and he may talk like he is EVIL, but underneath is a good- natured boy in fluffy pants. Dave is far from harmful, and has even proven to be helpful in the past.
  • (Same as Transcript:Court Cases § Pronouncing verdict)

See also[edit | edit source]