Transcript of EVIL DAVE v. The People

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This transcript involves dialogue with the Clerk, Evil Dave, Doris, Aris, Oziach, Arresting officer, Judge, Defender, and the player.
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Court Documents[edit | edit source]

Court summons[edit | edit source]

The following text is transcluded from Transcript:Court summons (EVIL DAVE v. The People).

Court summons
You have been summoned to the Seers' Village courthouse to work on the case of EVIL DAVE vs The People.

Please present yourself to the court clerk at your earliest convenience.

Case report 1[edit | edit source]

The following text is transcluded from Transcript:Case report 1 (EVIL DAVE v. The People).

Fingerprint Report

Since the Defendant confessed on the spot to being evil, no fingerprints were necessary.

Case report 2[edit | edit source]

The following text is transcluded from Transcript:Case report 2 (EVIL DAVE v. The People).

Circumstances and Evidence
Suspect: 'Evil' Dave
Case Background: Various reports have been received of an evil sorceror residing in Edgeville. Reports vary to the degree of evilness, but the number of reports prompted an investigation and arrest.
On arrest, the following were found at the scene of the crime:
Hellrats
Evil stew
Fluffy pants.

Defendant claimed officers were invading his BASEMENT OF DOOM, though no 'doom' was found on the premises.

Highly recommended that further interviews are conducted with the following witnesses:
Evil Dave (courthouse)
Evil Dave's mum, Doris (Edgeville)
Aris (Varrock)
Oziach (Edgeville)
Arresting Officer (courthouse)

Case report 3[edit | edit source]

The following text is transcluded from Transcript:Case report 3 (EVIL DAVE v. The People).

Character Background

Suspect: 'Evil' Dave
Background: Dave was involved in the attempt to summon the demon Agrith Naar, which was narrowly foiled; however, he also helped the Culinaromancer by recreating his famed Evil Stew. Dave lives in a self-proclaimed BASEMENT OF DOOM and continues to try and summon demons, badly.

Pre-Trial[edit | edit source]

Starting the case[edit | edit source]

Talking to the Clerk about the Court summons

  • Clerk: Would you like to defend or prosecute?
    • Defend.
      • (continues below)
    • Prosecute.
      • (continues below)
  • Clerk: Look in the filing cabinet by my desk for more details on your case. When you feel prepared, use the stairs to enter the courtroom.
  • (dialogue terminates)

Searching the File cabinet

  • You search the filing cabinet and find some information relevant to your case.
  • Case reports 1, 2, and 3 are placed in your inventory

Entering the courtroom

  • Are you sure you're ready for court?
    • Yes
      • Screen fades out, and court begins
    • No
      • (dialogue terminates)

Talking to Evil Dave[edit | edit source]

  • Player: I need to talk to you about your court case.
  • Evil Dave: You may have caught me, but you can't put a cork in this SHAKEN BOTTLE OF FROTHING EVILNESS.
    • Ask about:
      • Evil.
        • Player: Why did you confess to being evil?
        • Evil Dave: Can you imagine how DOWNRIGHT DEVILISH I will seem if I'm convicted? I'll be front page of EVIL-DOERS MONTHLY.
        • Player: You're making my job very easy! I won't need to do anything to win this case.
        • Evil Dave: I know, isn't it AWFULLY WONDERFUL? I've got a one-way ticket to EVIL INFAMY. Toot toot!
      • Hell-rats.
        • Player: Why is your basement filled with hellrats?
        • Evil Dave: My BASEMENT OF DOOM? Oh, it's where I summon my FOUR-LEGGED DEMONRATS to do my bidding.
        • Player: And what do you plan to do with these demons?
        • Evil Dave: Well, first they do my chores, because Mummy complains. Then they TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Mwahaha! Ha.
      • Fluffy pants.
        • Player: Why were fluffy pants found in your basement?
        • Evil Dave: My fluffieduffies... WAIT! THEY'RE NOT MINE! I've never seen them before. I'm being framed! That's it, this is a HIDEOUS PANT- BASED CONSPIRACY.
        • Player: Is that a rash breaking out across your face?
        • Evil Dave: I'm also allergic to blatant attempts at ruining my reputation!
      • I don't have any more questions.
        • Player: I don't have any more questions.
        • (dialogue terminates)

Talking to Doris[edit | edit source]

  • Doris: Hello again dearie. How are you doing?
  • Player: I'm okay, but Dave's in trouble. I need to talk to you about his court case.
  • Doris: My little Davey is going to court? Oh dear me! Please, I'll tell you whatever you need to win the case.
    • Ask about:
      • Dave's childhood.
        • Player: What was Dave like as a kid?
        • Doris: Oh, he's always been a little...different. It's because we live so close to the Wilderness; he's always been fascinated by it. Each birthday, he'd asked to go into Edgeville Dungeon. You know how kids are, always wanting to be dungeoneers! Thing is, he didn't want to be the hero, he wanted to be a monster! Then he spent one summer building a treehouse, which he claimed was his INSANOTOWER. I'm not saying I'm disappointed, but I was hoping he'd have grown out of it by now.
      • Opinion of Dave.
        • Player: What's your opinion of Dave and all his evil ways?
        • Doris: Oh, he's not really evil. He just has some odd ways. He couldn't intentionally harm anyone - violence makes him faint - and he definitely can't stand vandalism: he screamed when I filled in a crossword for him. He saw that as extreme vandalism.
      • Fluffy pants.
        • Player: Why were fluffy pants found in Dave's BASEMENT OF DOOM?
        • Doris: Oh, Dave celebrates Fridays by wearing fluffy pants. He likes the feel of the fabric, and the way the elastic snaps when he pings it. He's such a dear, isn't he?
        • Player: Err, yes. Yes he is.
      • I don't have any more questions.
        • Player: I don't have any more questions.

Talking to Aris[edit | edit source]

  • Player: I need to speak to you about Evil Dave. He's being taken to court for being evil.
  • Aris: You didn't need a crystal ball to see that one coming.
    • Ask about:
      • Culinaromancer.
        • Player: Can you tell me about Dave's part in defeating the Culinaromancer?
        • Aris: Well, young one, Evil Dave didn't play a huge role, but he assisted. His Evil Stew certainly helped.
        • Player: Why was he involved in the first place?
        • Aris: As is tradition, the gathering required an evil wizard. We invited Evil Dave because he professed to be evil but was, in fact, quite harmless.
      • Evil Stew.
        • Player: Why is it called Evil Stew? What's evil about it?
        • Aris: Evil Dave seems to name everything EVIL, HORRIBLE, HIDEOUSLY TERRIBLE, or something along those lines. There can be great power in names, so maybe he knows something that we do not.
      • Opinion of Dave.
        • Player: What's your opinion of Evil Dave?
        • Aris: I don't know, his future is clouded. He could go either way, really.
      • I don't have any more questions.
        • Player: I don't have any more questions.

Talking to Oziach[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Good day to you.
  • Oziach: Aye, 'tis a fair day, my mighty dragon-slaying friend.
    • Can I buy a rune platebody now, please?
      • (non-relevant dialogue)
    • I'm not your friend.
      • (non-relevant dialogue)
    • Yes, it's a very nice day.
      • (non-relevant dialogue)
    • Can I have another key to Melzar's Maze?
      • (non-relevant dialogue)
    • I need to talk to you about Evil Dave.
      • Player: I need to talk to you about Evil Dave. He's being taken to court for being evil.
      • Oziach: Really? Little David? Well, I'm good friends with the lad, so ask me what you will.
        • Ask about:
          • Evil acts.
            • Player: What can you tell me about these alleged acts of 'evil'?
            • Oziach: It's no secret that Dave has tried to summon demons. That's why those pesky hellrats are about. He was also part of that plot to summon the demon Agrith Naar. Fortunately, that plot was foiled, and Dave didn't really do any harm to anyone.
            • Player: Still, it's not a great resume for someone facing trial for being evil.
          • Opinion of Dave.
            • Player: What's your opinion of Dave?
            • Oziach: I think Evil Dave is a real good kid. We chat about my adventures sometimes, and we joke about conspiracy theories - giant black knights, dragon dragons, that sort of thing. On occasion, he's even helped me with some house repairs. Everyone in Edgeville thinks the EVIL thing is just a phase.
          • Relatives.
            • Player: Has Dave got any relatives or friends besides yourself that I could talk to?
            • Oziach: I've heard him mention an Uncle Nigel, although I've never met him. There's always the possibility that he doesn't exist, of course. Dave has had imaginary friends before.
          • I don't have any more questions.
            • Player: I don't have any more questions.

Talking to Arresting officer[edit | edit source]

  • Player: I'd like to talk to you about the arrest of Evil Dave.
  • Arresting officer: Well, get on with it. I'm a busy man, I have a lot of arrests to make.
    • Ask about:
      • The arrest.
        • Player: Can you tell me about the arrest?
        • Arresting officer: Sure. It was the easiest arrest we have ever made. We entered Evil Dave's BASEMENT OF DOOM-
        • Player: He lives in a basement of doom?
        • Arresting officer: No, a BASEMENT OF DOOM. It was quite creepy-looking. There were all these little hellrats running around weird pipes and machines.
        • Player: Okay, one BASEMENT OF DOOM. Got it. What happened next?
        • Arresting officer: Well, we told him that we were there to arrest him for alleged acts of evil, and that he'd have to stand before a court to prove his innocence. He got overly excited and requested that we put him in handcuffs, so that he could look SUITABLY DEMONIC as we walked him out. Those were his words.
      • Confession.
        • Player: So, Dave admitted that he was evil?
        • Arresting officer: EVIL. Apparently there's a difference. He stated very clearly, and made sure we wrote it down correctly, that he was UTTERLY EVIL and CONNIVING. Also, he wanted me to state in my testimony that he lives in a BASEMENT OF DOOM and regularly summons SHUDDERINGLY EVIL demons to do his bidding. This is all too easy!
      • Opinion of Dave.
        • Player: What is your opinion of Dave?
        • Arresting officer: He seems like a quality bloke, if a little...weird, you know? Sure, he sticks the word EVIL in front of everything, but he's been very polite in jail and even shared his recipe for EVIL STEW. The nightshift have found it really tasty, and we've even had a few stew parties.
        • Player: Would you say he's a threat to others?
        • Arresting officer: Heck no! He's only a threat to the dictionary definition of 'evil'. It's a shame he's so eager to be convicted, since I'm pretty sure he's innocent. He just likes to have an evil persona, you know?
      • I don't have any more questions.
        • Player: I don't have any more questions.

Trial[edit | edit source]

Commencement[edit | edit source]

Opening statement[edit | edit source]

Only if prosecuting.

The prosecution's case[edit | edit source]

Only if defending.

  • (Transcript missing. edit)

Talking to the judge[edit | edit source]

  • Judge: What can I do for you?
    • Your Honour, could you explain what I need to do?
    • Your Honour, I'd like to present evidence.
    • Your Honour, I'd like to call a witness.
      • If the player did not interview anyone prior to the trial:
        • Judge: You haven't interviewed anyone. That's going to make it hard for you to ask them pertinent questions, don't you think?
      • Otherwise:
        • Evil Dave
          • Player: The [Prosecution/Defence] calls Evil Dave.
          • Evil Dave takes the stand
        • Dave's mum
          • Player: The [Prosecution/Defence] calls Dave's mum.
          • Dave's mum takes the stand
        • Aris
          • Player: The [Prosecution/Defence] calls Aris.
          • Aris takes the stand
        • Oziach
          • Player: The [Prosecution/Defence] calls Oziach.
          • Oziach takes the stand
        • Arresting officer
          • Player: The [Prosecution/Defence] calls Arresting officer.
          • Arresting officer takes the stand
        • No one at this time. I would like to return to evidence.
        • No one at this time. I would like to finish and summarise my case.
          • Player: No one at this time, Your Honour. I would like to finish my presentation by summarising my case to the Jury.
          • (Proceed to 'Summary' below)
    • Your Honour, I'd like to summarise my case.
      • Player: Your Honour, I would like to summarise my case to the Jury.
      • (Proceed to 'Summary' below)

Presenting evidence[edit | edit source]

Hellrats[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if I could draw your attention to Prosecution Evidence #1: Hellrats.
  • The Prosecution presents the hellrats as evidence.
    • Dave summoned them to do his evil bidding.
      • Player: Dave admitted to summoning the hellrats to do his bidding. He even confessed that he planned to take over the world with the demons he summoned. This time, the demons turned out to be harmless rats, but what if they're something bigger next time?
      • The jury agrees with your argument.
    • Aren't they cute?
      • Player: Look how cute they are! Look at their iddy-bitty red ears! Aww, how you doing there silly-face? You want some milky?
      • (Jury reaction transcript missing. edit)
    • They're just an infestation.
      • Player: They're nothing more than an infestation. Once Dave cleans out his basement, they'll go away.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.

BASEMENT OF DOOM[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if I could draw your attention to Prosecution Evidence #2: The BASEMENT OF DOOM.
  • The Prosecution presents the BASEMENT OF DOOM as evidence.
    • It's creepy, but no DOOM was found.
      • Player: Dave's basement is reportedly quite creepy-looking. It has strange machines, pipes and hellrats. That being said, no DOOM was found on the premises, unless you count the words 'DOOM' written over and over again in crayon on the walls.
      • The jury disagrees with your argument.
    • He lives in his mum's basement.
      • Player: Dave lives in his mum's basement. Evil doesn't want to be found, so it often hides in the most unconventional of places. Who would look for a summoner of demons in a housewife's basement?
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
    • Dave's den of iniquity.
      • Player: The BASEMENT OF DOOM is a den of iniquity, where evil lurks around every corner. Dave practices dark magic down there, and tries to conjure the hosts of hell to do his bidding. You wouldn't want to live within a demon-arm's length of it.
      • The jury agrees with your argument.

Evil Stew[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if I could draw your attention to Prosecution Evidence #3: Evil Stew.
  • The Prosecution presents Evil Stew as evidence.
    • The stew was created to help stop the Culinaromancer.
      • Player: The stew was made as part of an effort to defeat the Culinaromancer. Dave's assistance was crucial in his defeat. Wait, am I prosecuting or defending this case? I've forgotten.
      • The jury disagrees with your argument.
    • It's tasty, tasty, very very tasty.
      • Player: It's really tasty stew. Have you tried it? Because you should. Deeeeelish.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
    • Calling it Evil Stew could give it unknown powers.
      • Player: Aris claims that there is power in names and, since Dave calls this EVIL Stew, it's possible that he's creating something both tasty and fizzing with dark magic.
      • The jury agrees with your argument.

Fluffy pants[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if I could draw your attention to Prosecution Evidence #4: Fluffy pants.
  • The Prosecution presents fluffy pants as evidence.
    • Dave's fluffy pants show a softer side to him.
      • Player: Dave's wearing of fluffy pants shows a softer side of his character, but it's certainly not normal. I don't wear fluffy pants...not on Fridays, anyway.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
    • Dave's fluffy pants are just another aspect of his degenerative lifestyle.
      • Player: Dave's fluffy pants are just another aspect of his degenerative lifestyle. He admitted to wearing fluffy pants on Fridays to prepare himself for truly evil weekends. This kind of sick person could live next door to you!
      • The jury agrees with your argument.
    • Fluffy Pants Friday is a new national holiday!
      • Player: Now, don't shoot the idea down immediately, but how about making Fluffy Pants Friday a new national holiday? What better way to inspire world peace than enjoying the fluffyness of pants on a Friday? How can you war when your mid-section is in complete comfort?
      • (Jury reaction transcript missing. edit)

Cross-examination[edit | edit source]

Evil Dave[edit | edit source]

If Prosecuting

  • Ask about:
    • Evil.
      • Player: Did you or did you not confess to being evil?
      • Evil Dave: I did more than just confess: I explained, at length, how I became so evil, like all good villains should.
      • Player: And you refer to yourself as 'Evil' Dave?
      • Evil Dave: Refer to myself? It is my name! I am EVIL DAVE, TAUNTER OF THE GOOD, EATER OF STEW, and SON OF DORIS.
      • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • If you have gone through all three options
        • (Continues below)
    • Hellrats.
      • Player: Why is your basement filled with hellrats?
      • Evil Dave: My BASEMENT OF DOOM is where I perform TOTALLY EVIL MAGICKS to summon DEMONS to do my bidding.
      • Player: And what do you plan to do with these demons?
      • Evil Dave: First, clean my room. Second, TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
      • Player: Is that so? That is clearly a very evil plan.
      • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • If you have gone through all three options
        • (Continues below)
    • Fluffy pants.
      • Player: Why were fluffy pants found in your basement?
      • Evil Dave: I knew you would bring these up again. I have a better answer this time: you are referring to my PANTS OF EVIL GENIUS. I wear them on Fridays to prepare for WEEKENDS OF SPLEENMELTING MISCHIEVOUSNESS. They are magical and help me brainstorm evil tasks for the coming week.
      • Player: Why are you suddenly admitting these pants are yours?
      • Evil Dave: Because I realised I didn't need to be ashamed. These pants are undeniably EVIL.
      • Player: And are your other pants evil?
      • Evil Dave: On Fridays my fluffy pants are simply EVIL. On other days, my pants are EVIL to the power of INFINITY!
      • Player: But you admit that the rest of the week - the majority of the week - your pants are evil?
      • Evil Dave: By Zammy, you better believe it! I've given them different names for each day. Right now, I'm wearing THREATENING THURSDAY pants.
      • The jury agrees with your argument.
      • If you have gone through all three options
        • (Continues below)
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now.
  • If you have gone through all three of Evil Dave's self-incriminating options
    • Judge: It has become apparent that this witness is a liability to himself and his case. All testimony by this witness is to be stricken from the record and the Jury is to disregard it.
    • Player: But that's not fair: he confessed!
    • Judge: Well, you'll have to prove his guilt by other means. I'm sure that, if he is guilty, there is enough physical evidence and witness testimonies to back it up.

If defending

  • (Transcript missing. edit)

Dave's mum[edit | edit source]

If Prosecuting

  • Ask about:
    • Dave's childhood.
      • Player: What was Dave like as a kid?
      • Doris: Oh, my Davey's special; everyone in Edgeville knows that. I remember Christmas, when he'd write letters to Santa, asking if he could become a monster and live in Edgeville Dungeon. Oh yes! There was that summer when he built a treehouse. It wasn't a treehouse as we'd imagine in it, of course: it was his INSANOTOWER. *sigh* I hoped he'd have grown out of it by now, but it keeps him happy.
      • Player: Clearly, Dave has been corrupted since childhood. It's unfortunate that no action has been taken until now to curb his evil ways.
      • The jury agrees with your argument.
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What's your opinion of Dave and his evil ways?
      • Doris: Oh, his ways aren't evil. You need to get to know him. Come over and have tea with us sometime; I could make chicken hotpot.
      • Player: A mother's hotpot can't save a criminal from their misdeeds.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
    • Fluffy pants.
      • Player: Why were fluffy pants found in Dave's basement?
      • Doris: Oh, Dave likes to celebrate Fridays by wearing his fluffy pants. He likes the feel of the fabric; the ping of the elastic on his skin. Little Davey loves his creature comforts.
      • Player: Not exactly normal behaviour. There must be something evil about it!
      • (Jury reaction transcript missing. edit)
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thank you.

If Defending

  • (Transcript missing. edit)

Aris[edit | edit source]

If prosecuting

  • Ask about:
    • Culinaromancer.
      • Player: Can you tell me about Dave's role in defeating the Culinaromancer?
      • Aris: Well, young one, Evil Dave didn't play a pivotal role, but he helped us to make Evil Stew.
      • Player: Why was he involved in the first place?
      • Aris: As the ancient rites state, the gathering requires an evil wizard. We invited Evil Dave because he proclaims himself to be evil but is, in fact, quite harmless.
      • The jury disagrees with your argument.
    • Evil Stew.
      • Player: Why is it called Evil Stew? What's evil about it?
      • Aris: Evil Dave has a habit of naming everything 'EVIL' this, or 'EVIL' that. You never know, I suppose: there is a great deal of magic in names, and Dave may know something we do not.
      • Player: Only one kind of magic can come from 'Evil' Stew, and that's dark magic! Yet more proof that Dave is in fact evil!
      • The jury agrees with your argument.
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What's your opinion of Evil Dave?
      • Aris: I don't know, his future is clouded. He could go either way, really.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thanks you.

Oziach[edit | edit source]

  • Ask about:
    • Evil acts.
      • Player: What can you tell me about the alleged acts of 'evil' that Dave may or may not have committed?
      • Oziach: There's no denying that Dave has tried to summon demons from his basement. That's why those pesky hellrats are about. He was also part of a plot to summon the demon Agrith Naar. His involvement was pretty half-hearted, and the plot was foiled; he didn't really do any harm to anyone.
      • Player: He did no harm, but he had every intention. Our justice system doesn't make exceptions if a criminal is incompetent. A criminal is a criminal.
      • The jury agrees with your argument.
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What's your opinion of Dave?
      • Oziach: Evil Dave is a great kid. We chat and come up with wacky conspiracy theories about giant black knights and dragon dragons. On occasion, he's even helped me with some house repairs.
      • Player: But, you do think he's evil?
      • Oziach: Not at all. He likes calling himself that, but I don't think he actually is.
      • (Jury reaction transcript missing. edit)
    • Relatives.
      • Player: Has Dave got any relatives or friends, besides yourself, that may have influenced him?
      • Oziach: He's got an Uncle Nigel, although I've never met him. Dave might just have made him up, as he's had imaginary friends before.
      • The jury doesn't know what to think of your argument.
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thank you.

Arresting officer[edit | edit source]

If prosecuting

  • Ask about:
    • The arrest.
      • Player: Can you tell me about the arrest?
      • Arresting officer: Sure. It was the easiest arrest we ever made. We entered Evil Dave's BASEMENT OF DOOM-
      • Player: He lives in a basement of doom?
      • Arresting officer: No, it's a BASEMENT OF DOOM. It was quite creepy- looking. There were all these weird pipes and machines, and hellrats running about them.
      • Player: What happened next?
      • Arresting officer: He went a bit hyperactive and requested that we put him in handcuffs, so that he could look SUITABLY DEMONIC as we walked him out. Those were his words, not mine.
      • The jury agrees with your argument.
    • Confession.
      • Player: So, Dave admitted that he was evil?
      • Arresting officer: EVIL. He wanted to make it clear that there is a difference. He also made sure we wrote it down correctly, that he was UTTERLY EVIL and CONNIVING. Also, he wanted me to make it state in my testimony that he lives in a BASEMENT OF DOOM and regularly summons SHUDDERINGLY EVIL demons to do his bidding.
      • Player: The Defendant is evil - sorry, EVIL - and has no intention of turning from his nefarious path!
      • (Jury reaction transcript missing. edit)
    • Opinion of Dave.
      • Player: What is your opinion of Dave?
      • Arresting officer: I really like the bloke. Sure, it's irritating the way he sticks EVIL in front of everything and shouts all the time, but he has a knack for a very tasty stew.
      • Player: Would you say he's a threat to others?
      • Arresting officer: Oh heck, no. He's barely a threat to himself. It's a shame he's so eager to be convicted, otherwise I would have just thrown him back out onto the streets.
      • (Jury reaction transcript missing. edit)
    • That's all, for now.
      • Player: That's all, for now. Thank you.

If defending

  • (Transcript missing. edit)

Talking to the prosecutor[edit | edit source]

Only available if defending.

  • Player: Could you state your case for me?
  • Prosecutor: Sure. Would you like a summary or the full case?
    • Summary
      • (Transcript missing. edit)
    • Full case
      • (Transcript missing. edit)

Talking to the defender[edit | edit source]

Only available if prosecuting.

  • Player: Could you state your case for me?
  • Defender: Sure. Would you like a summary or the full case?
    • Summary
      • Defender: My case rests on these points: There's no proof Dave summoned the Hellrats. They could be an infestation from bad housekeeping. There is nothing evil about Dave's basement. He just named it that way for fun. Finally, evil stew was created to help STOP the Culinaromancer, a truly evil man. I called Aris to the stand and asked her about Dave's part in the defeat of the Culinaromancer. She also thinks he's harmless. I then called Dave's Mum. She said Dave enjoys wearing fluffy pants. Who can take a man who wears fluffy pants seriously?
    • Full case

All evidence presented[edit | edit source]

If the player has received one positive or negative jury response for each piece of evidence:

All evidence presented and witnesses interviewed[edit | edit source]

If the player has received one positive or negative jury response for each piece of evidence and each witness:

  • Judge: I think that is enough. It's time for you to summarise your case to the Jury.

Summary[edit | edit source]

If prosecuting:

  • Which member of the Jury would you like to try to appeal to?
  • (Opens Jury selection interface)
  • If the player made enough correct choices in their argumentation:
    • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I have presented evidence that conclusively proves the Defendant is evil, has confessed to being evil, and plans to do evil things. The men and women of Edgeville have seen enough misery and destruction, so we must act pre-emptively now. Today, he lives in a dingy basement and summons irritating pests. Tomorrow, he could well be summoning a large demon to plunder your home.
    • Judge: Very well. Now, the Defence may present their case.
    • (Same as 'The defence's case' below)
    • (Proceed to Transcript:Court Cases § Pronouncing verdict)
    • Evil Dave: Alright! I'm TOTALLY EVIL.
  • If the player did not make enough correct choices in their argumentation:
    • Player: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I have presented evidence that conclusively proves the Defendant is evil, has confessed to being evil, and plans to do evil things. The men and women of Edgeville have seen enough misery and destruction, so we must act pre-emptively now. Today, he is a small-scale dark wizard. Tomorrow, he's riding on top of dragons, shooting lightning bolts out of his eyes and turning your first-born children inside-out.
    • Judge: Very well. Now, the Defence may present their case.
    • (Same as 'The defence's case' below)
    • (Proceed to Transcript:Court Cases § Pronouncing verdict)
    • Evil Dave: How could they not see how TOTALLY EVIL I am?

If defending:

  • (Transcript missing. edit)

The prosecution's case[edit | edit source]

Only if defending

  • (Transcript missing. edit)

The defence's case[edit | edit source]

Only if prosecuting

  • Defender: Members of the Jury, I am going to present you with evidence that, rather than being evil, Dave is simply misunderstood and misguided. Jury members, please refer to Prosecution Evidence #1: the hellrats. Dave didn't summon these rats! They're just an infestation from his messy housekeeping. They look odd because he lives so close to the Wilderness, where magic corrupts even the most normal things. Jury members, please refer to Prosecution Evidence #2: the BASEMENT OF DOOM. Rather than a hellish dungeon, Dave lives in his mum's basement; it's a bit sad, but not uncommon. Naming it the BASEMENT OF DOOM is an attempt, by Dave, to distance himself from the society that misunderstands him. There is nothing evil or illicit about giving your home a name that puts people off from visiting. Jury members, please refer to Prosecution Evidence #3: the Evil Stew. The stew was made in an effort to defeat the Culinaromancer. Dave's assistance was crucial in the Culinaromancer's defeat, clearly demonstrating that Evil Dave is in fact GOOD. Jury members, please refer to Prosecution Evidence #4: Fluffy pants. Dave's fluffy pants are emblematic of his lifestyle: underneath it all - the stew, the demons, the basement - Dave desires comfort and happiness. To achieve that happiness, he pushes people away with a thin veil of evilness. A man who wears frilly underwear is not a threat, people. The Defence calls Aris.
  • Aris is called to the stand
  • Defender: Can you tell me about Dave's part in defeating the Culinaromancer?
  • Aris: Well, young one, Evil Dave did not play a huge role, but he did assist in the making of Evil Stew. It certainly helped.
  • Defender: Why was he involved in the first place?
  • Aris: The gathering of a council required, by ancient law, an evil wizard. We invited Evil Dave because he proclaimed himself evil, but was, in fact, quite harmless.
  • Defender: So, not only did he help defeat a fearful foe, but a fortuneteller of great renown thinks he's harmless.
  • The jury agrees with the defender's argument.
  • Defender: The Defence calls Dave's mum.
  • Doris is called to the stand
  • Defender: Why were fluffy pants found in Dave's basement?
  • Doris: Oh, Dave likes to celebrate Fluffy Pants Fridays. It's the feel of the fabric. You can tell that he worries about people finding out, so he doesn't wear them all the time. Oh, poor Davey: he must hate that his dirty laundry is being aired in public!
  • Defender: That shows a softer side of Dave. There's nothing evil about fluffy pants.
  • The jury agrees with the defender's argument.
  • Judge: I think that will be enough. It's time for you to summarise your case to the Jury.
  • Defender: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I have presented evidence that conclusively proves the Defendant is innocent with regards to these charges.
  • Short pause
  • Defender: Evil Dave has delusions of evilness. He may think he is evil, and he may talk like he is EVIL, but underneath is a good- natured boy in fluffy pants. Dave is far from harmful, and has even proven to be helpful in the past.

See also[edit | edit source]