Dialogue for Cook (Jolly Boar Inn)

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Normally

  • Cook: What do you want? I'm busy?
    • Can you cook me something?
      • Player: Can you cook me something?
      • Cook: What? No! Go away.
      • Player: Well, you're meant to be a cook. Why can't you cook something for me?
      • Cook: I don't want to, that's why! Now, leave me alone.
      • Player: You're not a very nice man.
      • Cook: Yet you keep talking to me!
      • Player: Good point. I should stop that.
      • Cook: Yes, do us both a favour.
      • (dialogue terminates)
    • Why do you work here?
      • Player: Why do you work here?
      • Cook: Why do you think I work in a disreputable inn filled with rough scoundrels on the very edge of the Wilderness? I work here because I need the job!
      • Player: Do you like it?
      • Cook: Like it? It's sucked the warmth and humanity out of me, and I've become a hollow shell holding nothing but anger, misery and gourmet recipes.
      • Player: Oh.
      • Cook: What did you expect to hear? I suppose you expected me to tell you an inspiring story about how working here can teach you to find hope in the darkest places, or how to see the best in everything? Well, get those fancy ideas out of your head. Out here you've got nothing but your armour and muscle to protect you from the endless dark and the screaming hordes coming to kill you!
      • Player: Maybe you should think about moving to a different inn.
      • Cook: Bah! I'm not letting it defeat me. Now, let me concentrate on my cooking.
      • Player: Okay.
      • (dialogue terminates)
    • Can you tell me any good jokes?
      • Player: Can you tell me any good jokes?
      • Cook: Ohhh, if you insist... What did the half-wit say to the cook?
      • Player: I don't know.
      • Cook: He/She said 'Can you tell me any good jokes?' Got ya! Hahahaha!
      • Player: Whatever.
      • (dialogue terminates)

If you have talked to him a lot (and asked him to cook something for you)

  • Player: Hello...
  • Cook: I distinctly remember you saying you were going to stop talking to me. Yet here you are again, yakking on and on in my earhole when I'm trying to cook! What do you want now?
  • (Same options as above)