Transcript of Chef's Assistant

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Starting the Quest[edit | edit source]

Talking to Head chef

  • Head chef: Hello, welcome to the Cooking Guild. It's always great to have such an accomplished chef visit us. Say, would you be interested in a Skillcape of Cooking? They're only available to master chefs.
    • Do you have any quests for me?
      • Head chef: Player! Ah yes, I've heard good things about you from the cook in Lumbridge Castle! He was telling me at the latest meeting of the 'Cooks, Apprentices and Kitchen Experts Society' that you really helped him out of a pickle with the Duke's birthday cake!
      • Player: Oh really? That was so long ago, I've forgotten all about it!
      • Head chef: And that incident with the feast... you saved his bacon on that one!
      • Player: Well, I was pretty amazing! But anyway, did you have any quests for me?
      • Head chef: Well... there is something I could use some help with...
      • Player: Go on...
      • Head chef: It's quite a delicate matter... can you be... discreet?
        • Of course, discreet is my middle name!
          • Head chef: Great! I knew I could rely on you.
          • (Same as below)
        • Probably not.
          • Head chef: Well, I'm in a bit of a bind, so I guess I'll just have to take the risk...
          • Not accepting the quest:
            • Head chef: Ah, well if you change your mind I'll be here...
          • Accepting the quest:
            • Head chef: Excellent! Here's the situation...
    • (Other non-quest options and dialogue)

Getting cheesy[edit | edit source]

  • Head chef: The Cooks, Apprentices and Kitchen Experts Society are looking for a new leader, after the previous one, er... 'retired'.
  • Player: What do you mean, 'retired'?
  • Head chef: There was... an incident... with a wild pie. Things got a bit messy... we don't really speak of it... But at least there were no lasting injuries!
  • Player: ...
  • Head chef: But enough about that... it would mean the world to me to be the next leader of the society! As Head Chef, I'm always experimenting in the kitchen. Working on new recipes. INNOVATING!
  • Player: You sound pretty passionate...
  • Head chef: Oh, I ADORE food. Combining new flavours, tasting them... Seeing the enjoyment on others' faces as the flavours dance along their tongues, exploding in a crescendo of deliciousness! It's what I live for!
    • It's always nice to meet someone that enjoys their job.
      • Head chef: Oh it's so much more than just a job! Who wouldn't want to do the thing they love every day? But anyway, I digress...
      • (Same as below)
    • Cool story, can we get on with this?
      • Head chef: Sorry, I got lost in the moment there. Where was I?
      • Player: I'm not really sure...
      • Head chef: Oh yes...
      • Head chef: I've been working on a new dessert to show off to the other members, and convince them that I'm the right man for the job! It's a TOP SECRET recipe. Something that will change the pudding landscape for ever... This recipe will astound and amaze them. Their taste buds won't know what's hit them!
        • Sounds tasty!
          • (Same as below)
        • You're really hyping this up, I hope it's good.
          • Head chef: Oh, it is!
          • Player: So, what is this revolutionary dessert?
          • Head chef: Are you ready?
          • Player: Yes.
          • Head chef: Are you sure?
          • Player: Yes.
          • Head chef: Brace yourself...
            • I'm so excited, just tell me!
              • (Same as below)
            • Consider myself braced.
              • Head chef: Cheesecake!
              • Player: ... I'm sorry, I think I misheard you. Did you say *cheese* *cake*?
              • Head chef: Cheesecake...
              • Player: ...Why on Gielinor would anyone put CHEESE in a CAKE? Have you lost your mind?
              • Head chef: It's not cheese *in* a cake. It's cheese on some biscuits.
              • Player: Your revolutionary new dessert is cheese and biscuits?
              • Head chef: No! Not cheese AND biscuits... Oh dear, you're getting me all flustered, I'm not explaining this very well...
                • I'm sorry, take your time.
                  • (Same as below)
                • Pull yourself together!
                  • Head chef: ... I'll show you how to make it! Then you can experience it for yourself! But here's the problem, I've run out of one of the main ingredients - cream cheese.
                    • Would you like me to get some more for you?
                      • (Same as below)
                    • You want me to go and get some for you, don't you?
                      • Head chef: Would you be so kind? The cream cheese I use comes from a cottage dairy, run by a lovely couple called Phil and Delphie. They're based in Falador, just north of the Artisan Workshop.
                      • Player: That seems an odd place for a dairy... it's not exactly close to any cows!
                      • Head chef: We all have to start somewhere... Anyway, run along and pick up the cream cheese from Phil and Delphie.
                      • Player: Yes Chef!

Talking to him when you haven't made the cream cheese yet:

  • Head chef: Have you got the cream cheese I asked for from Phil and Delphie yet?
  • Player: Er... no. Can you remind me what I'm supposed to be doing?
  • Head chef: I need some cream cheese so I can show you how to make cheesecake. I'd like you to collect some from Phil and Delphie. You can find them in Falador, just north of the Artisan Workshop.
  • Player: Right. Got it.

Cheesing the cream[edit | edit source]

Talking to Phil or Delphie

  • Player: Hello... you must be Phil and Delphie?
  • Delphie/Phil: That's right... what can we do for you, adventurer?
  • Player: The Head Chef from the Varrock Cooking Guild sent me to collect some cream cheese for his special top secret recipe... oh no, I've said too much!
  • Phil: Top secret? Ha! Is this his cheesecake recipe by any chance?
  • Player: Er... how did you...?
  • Delphie: He's been working on that recipe for months... He hints about it at every Cooks, Apprentices and Kitchen Experts Society meeting, then gets blind drunk on Short Green Guys, and gives all the details to anyone that will listen! By the next day he's forgetten[sic] he's told anyone!
  • Player: *snigger*
  • Delphie: Anyway dearie, you said you wanted cream cheese? I'm afraid we've had to stop production temporarily, as our dairy churn is out of action...
  • Phil: We've been filling so many orders for cheesecake, the thing just fell to pieces!
  • Player: You've been making cheesecake?
  • Phil: Of course! It's not a secret any more, with that loose lipped drunkard blabbing about it! EVERYONE knows about cheesecake! Plus, it helps to pay the rent... much more than dairy churning ever will! You wouldn't believe the number of orders we get from the Party Room over the way. And those dwarven miners just can't get enough of it!
  • Player: So what do I do about the cream cheese?
  • Delphie: If you help us repair the dairy churn, we'll show you how to make cream cheese, and then you can take some back to the Head Chef.
    • Sure, What do I need?
      • (Same as below)
    • *sigh* Fine.
      • Phil: Great! By the looks of it, some basic logs and a steel bar should suffice for the repair.
        • If you do not happen to have the items with you:
          • Player: I'll see what I can do.
        • If you already have logs and a steel bar with you:
          • Player: Oh, I already have those with me!
          • Phil: Wow, how very efficient of you! Get to work then, Player!

Talking to them while NOT having the required materials for the repair:

  • Phil: Any luck getting those logs and steel bar to repair our dairy churn? Without it we can't make the cream cheese you need for the Head Chef.
  • Player: Oh, yes... I'll get right on that.

Talking to them while having the required materials for the repair:

  • Player: I have the logs and the steel bar for repairing the churn!
  • Phil: Great! Get to work then, Player!

Attempting to repair the broken dairy churn before speaking to the couple:

  • Perhaps you should speak to Phil and Delphie before attempting to repair that.

Attempting to repair the broken dairy churn before collecting the needed materials:

  • You require both logs and a steel bar to repair the dairy churn.

Repairing the broken dairy churn

  • You repair the broken dairy churn. Good work!

Creaming the cheese[edit | edit source]

Talking to Phil or Delphie

  • Player: I repaired the churn, can you show me how to make the cream cheese now?
  • Delphie: Of course... Oh shoot, we're out of milk... Would you be a dear and fetch some for us?
  • If you don't have milk with you
    • Of course!
      • (Dialogue ends)
    • I suppose.
      • (Dialogue ends)
    • Why do you run a dairy churn so far away from any cows?
      • Phil: Well, Delphie isn't that fond of the smell of farm animals. Plus we have the beautiful park right on our doorstep here!
  • If you have milk already
    • Player: Oh, well that's OK, I just happen to have a bucket of milk with me...
    • Delphie: My, that is fortunate!
    • (continues below)

Talking to them WITHOUT the milk:

  • Phil: Have you got us some milk, so we can make the cream cheese?
  • Player: Not yet, I'm still working on it.

Talking to them with the milk:

  • Player: I have the milk you needed!
  • Delphie: Excellent! Just give the milk a good mix in the churn, and you'll have delicious cream cheese in no time!
  • Player: That's all there is to it?
  • Phil: Well, what did you expect?
  • Player: ...

Talking to them BEFORE having made the cream cheese:

  • Delphie: Just give that bucket of milk you have a good mix in the dairy churn, then you'll have delicious cream cheese to take back to the Head Chef.

Talking to them after having made the cream cheese:

  • Delphie: Oh good, you managed to make the cream cheese! You can take it to the Head Chef now.

Cheesing the cake[edit | edit source]

Talking to the Head Chef about 'Chef's Assistant'.

  • Player: Here's the cream cheese...
  • Head chef: Wonderful! *sniff* Aaaah that smells so fresh and delicious! Right, we're going to need some additional ingredients... A pot of cream...
    • If you do not have any on you:
      • Player: I just came from a dairy! You could have said sooner!
      • (Continues as below)
    • If you happen to have one on you:
      • Player: Got some right here...
      • Head chef: ...and some biscuits. If you'd like to make some you can do so by combining flour and butter to make biscuit dough, then bake in the oven for a few minutes. Oh, and you'll also need a cake tin.
      • If you have a cake tin on you:
        • Player: Got it...
        • (Continues as below)
      • If you do not have a cake tin on you:
        • Head chef: Actually, let me write that down for you...
        • Player: Thanks, I'll be back soon.

Talking to the Head Chef BEFORE collecting all the ingredients:

  • Head chef: I need you to bring cream cheese, a pot of cream, biscuits and a cake tin, so I can show you how to make cheesecake.
  • Player: OK, I'll be right back.

Talking to the Head Chef after collecting all the ingredients:

  • Player: I have all the items you asked for to make cheesecake...
  • Head chef: Ah good... now you'll need to combine them all together!
  • Player: What? Just bung them all in?
  • Head chef: No, no, no! We don't just 'bung' things in! We must craft the cheesecake, with love and care!
  • Player: I thought we were cooking...?
  • Head chef: You must gently break up the biscuits into crumbs, then carefully line the tin to form a delicious buttery, crunchy base. Then you combine the cream cheese and the pot of cream into a decadent topping, and spread delicately on top.
  • Player: And then we cook it?
  • Head chef: What?! No! You don't COOK cheesecake! Are you going to take this seriously, or do I need to throw you out?
    • Sorry Chef.
      • (Same as below)
    • Sorry (not sorry) Chef.
      • Head chef: That's OK. Now, follow my intructions[sic] and make the cheesecake. Then let me see what you've made.
        • Player: Yes Chef.

Talking to the Head Chef BEFORE making the cheese cake:

  • Head chef: Have you made a cheesecake yet?
  • Player: No... could you remind me what I need to do?
  • Head chef: My, you are forgetful! Place biscuits, cream cheese and a pot of cream into a cake tin. It's that simple!
  • Player: OK!

Using cheesecake on the Head chef before you've made it

  • Head chef: How'd you get that? There must be a leak...
  • Player: A talking leek?
  • Head chef: A mole!
  • Player: A talking mole-leek hybrid?!
  • Head chef: ... No.
  • (dialogue terminates)

Cheesing the vote[edit | edit source]

Talking to Head Chef about 'Chef's Assistant, or using Cheesecake on him

  • Player: I made the cheesecake...
  • Head chef: That looks good enough to eat! Now, there's just one more thing I need you to do for me...
  • Player: Oh...
  • Head chef: I need you to take that cheesecake to some of the members of the Cooks, Apprentices and Kitchen Experts Society, so they can sample it before they vote on who will be leader!
  • Player: Why can't you take it yourself?
  • Head chef: I can't possibly leave my post here! What if someone wants to buy a Skillcape?
  • Player: I see. But wait... Isn't that *my* cheesecake?
  • Head chef: A minor detail! It's my recipe, and that's what counts!
  • Player: ... Fine, who do I need to take it to?
  • Head chef: Here, take this list! Come back to me when you've been to them all.

Talking to the Head Chef BEFORE delivering the cheesecake

  • Player: Was I meant to be doing something?
  • Head chef: Yes, I gave you a list of people to take cheesecake to. Please come back to me when you've been to them all!
    • I'm not sure where my list is.
      • If you have the list in your backpack:
        • Head chef: Have you looked in your backpack?
        • Player: Oh... silly me!
      • If you do not have the list in your backpack:
        • Head chef: Here, take another!
    • OK, I'll get right on it.
      • (Dialogue ends)

Mess Sergeant Ramsey[edit | edit source]

Mess Sergeant Ramsey opens with a random dialogue option

  • Mess Sergeant Ramsey: Where is the library? What am I saying? I mean where is the cheese? Can I help you?
    • The Head Chef asked me to bring you this to try.
      • Player: The Head Chef asked me to bring you this to try.
      • Mess Sergeant Ramsey: I am partial to a slice of cake... It's raw! ...and delicious! Wow! The topping is so rich and creamy! He has my vote!
      • If it's the last of the three cooks:
        • Player: I'm glad you liked it! I'll go and tell him that I've finished, see you later!
    • I need cooking supplies
      • (non-quest dialogue)
    • What cooking recommendations do you have for me?
      • (non-quest dialogue)

Cook[edit | edit source]

  • Offer Cheesecake
    • Yes
      • Player: The Head Chef asked me to bring you this to try.
      • Cook: That buttery biscuit base is to die for! He has my vote! Who'd have thought to combine cream cheese and biscuits...
      • Player: The Head Chef is a true culinary genius.
      • Cook: I wonder what else might work?
      • Player: I have a feeling you're about to suggest something.
      • Cook: Banana... bread?
      • Player: ... Banana bread? Don't be ridiculous! You can't just mix two random foods and hope to make something delicious!
      • Cook: You're right, it wouldn't be as good as cheesecake. Maybe I'll just try my hand at making cheesecakes for now, they sure are good...
      • If it's the last of the three cooks:
        • Player: I'm glad you liked it! I'll go and tell him that I've finished, see you later!
    • No

Cook of the Jolly Boar Inn[edit | edit source]

  • Cook: What do you want? I'm busy?
    • The Head Chef asked me to bring you this to try.
      • Player: The Head Chef asked me to bring you this to try.
      • Cook: This is a taste sensation! The Head Chef has excelled himself this time. He has my vote!
      • If it's the last of the three cooks:
        • Player: I'm glad you liked it! I'll go and tell him that I've finished, see you later!
    • Can you cook me something?
    • Why do you work here?
      • (non-quest dialogue)
    • Can you tell me any good jokes?
      • (non-quest dialogue)

Ending the cheese[edit | edit source]

Talking to the Head Chef about 'Chef's Assistant'

  • Player: Everyone loved the cheesecake!
  • Head chef: I know, Player! I just got word from the Cooks, Apprentices and Kitchen Experts Society - they've voted me in as their new leader! Thanks for all your help!
Congratulations, quest complete!

Post-Quest Dialogue[edit | edit source]

Talking to the Head Chef about 'Chef's Assistant'

  • Head chef: Welcome back, Player!
    • If you completed Cheese and biscuits
      • Head chef: You've made all the flavours of cheesecake!
      • Player: I should've trusted you when you said they would be good, even the bacon cheesecake!
      • Head chef: What do you mean 'even the bacon cheesecake'?
      • Player: Er, nothing... You mentioned a reward?
      • Head chef: Here you go.
      • Cooking XP lamp is placed in your inventory
      • (continues with normal dialogue)
    • Ask about the Cooks, Apprentices and Kitchen Experts Society.
      • Player: So, how are things in the Society, now that you're leader?
      • Head chef: Oh, it's fabulous! We're sharing so many new recipe ideas and techniques... I just wish I could remember what they were after the meeting...
      • Player: Too many Short Green Guys?
      • Head chef: I don't know what you mean...
      • Player: Never mind.
    • Talk about cheesecake.
      • Player: Can you tell me more about the different flavours of cheesecake there are?
      • Head chef: I'd be delighted to! You have your ordinary, plain cheesecake. Creamy and delicious, and simple to make! But you know all about that one already, of course! If you can get your hands on some vanilla, chocolate or strawberry milk, you can make some flavoured cream cheeses.
      • Player: And I can use those to make vanilla, chocolate and strawberry cheesecakes?
      • Head chef: Of course! Now, if you're after something a bit... tangy... just pop a lemon in with your basic cheesecake mix! And I've got just the thing for you, if you're feeling... adventurous?
      • Player: Er...?
      • Head chef: Bacon!
      • Player: What?!
      • Head chef: Bacon!
      • Player: You've been on the Short Green Guys again, haven't you?
      • Head chef: Of course not! Trust me, it'll change your life. You'll wonder how you ever lived without it! They have healing properties you know. Each more powerful than the last, and strongest of all the bacon...
      • Player: Sure...
      • Head chef: Make one of each flavour and I'll give you a reward!
      • Player: Okay!
    • Goodbye!
      • (dialogue terminates)