Dialogue for Brassica Prime

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During April Fools 2009[edit | edit source]

  • When summoned
    • Brassica Prime: Hooray!
  • When talked-to
    • Brassica Prime: I am deeply impressed that one of my little friends has been brought so far. Here: Have a cabbage.
    • Player: Thanks, I guess.

After 30 kicks of the Gilded Cabbage[edit | edit source]

  • Brassica Prime: Your persistence pleases Brassica Prime. I share my power with you, World Guardian.

After Missing, Presumed Death[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Brassica Prime!
    • Player: Why are you still here?
      • Brassica Prime: Can't a cabbage just relax and enjoy the scenery for once? I like the feel of this cushion on my leaves.
      • Brassica Prime: You know what this place is missing though? A cabbage patch!
      • (Back to previous options)
    • Player: Why didn't you flee when the dragonkin attacked?
      • Brassica Prime: Everyone knows cabbage beats fire. I had nothing to worry about!
      • Player: Erm, I think it's the other way round...
      • Brassica Prime: A bit of fire couldn't hurt me. A roasted cabbage is a delicious cabbage, and deliciousness is power!
      • (Back to previous options)
    • Player: Will you try to win the Stone of Jas?
      • Brassica Prime: You mean the Cabbage of a Thousand Truths? Hah, I - BRASSICA PRIME - have no need for such devices. I command the power of highly concentrated nutrients. There is no greater force in all of creation.
      • (Back to previous options)
    • Player: Why didn't you talk to the other gods?
      • Brassica Prime: Other gods? I am the god of all cabbages, what other gods do you speak of?
      • Player: The ones who were here before... Saradomin, Zamorak, Bandos-
      • Brassica Prime: Oh, the fleshy giants! They had assembled to meet the all mighty cabbage, Brassica Prime!
      • (Back to previous options)
    • Player: Goodbye.

Cabbage Facepunch Bonanza[edit | edit source]

Introduction[edit | edit source]

  • If unaligned
    • Brassica Prime: Behold! My deliciousness is manifest! When your awe has subsided, speak to the gardener and plead to join my army.
  • If sided with Brassica Prime
    • Brassica Prime: What are you doing? My deliciousness diminishes every moment! Ask your questions quickly, then return to the fight!
  • If sided with the Godless
    • Brassica Prime: I see you have chosen to deny the truth of divine deliciousness. Your foolishness will pass in time.
  • If sided with Marimbo
    • Brassica Prime: Banana-consuming heathen! Begone from my nutritious sight, lest smiting ensue.

Questions[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Who are you?
    • Brassica Prime: I am Brassica Prime! You're welcome. I am the lord of delicious. Wielder of my sacred nutrition. This world's cabbages lie under my domain.
    • Player: Just cabbages?
    • Brassica Prime: Of course not 'just' cabbages. All cabbage-kind and all cabbage-related things are mine to control. For instance, is this world not shaped like a giant cabbage? Is this giant, glowing cabbage in the sky not the source of light and heat in this world?
    • If you have kicked the Gilded cabbage 50 times
      • Brassica Prime: Have you not already felt my blessings for your determination?
    • Brassica Prime: Do not the fields contain unbroken rows of cabbages as far as the eyes can see? Are not the mountains filled with delicious veins of pure cabbage ore?
    • Player: ...not really, no.
    • Brassica Prime: Then you must look harder!
    • (Back to previous options)
  • After you have chosen at least one other dialogue option
    • Player: What is the source of your power?
      • Brassica Prime: Deliciousness is the source of my power. For deliciousness infuses every micro-cabbage that forms the world around us. It flows through the cosmos, infusing every living thing - thus binding them together. From the tiniest, humblest cabbage on this world to the giant space-cabbages that will soon arrive to enslave humanity, all are connected by the deliciousness. Truly to be the most delicious is to wield this power. The power to create and destroy. And as the most delicious of gods, I am the font of this delicious power. From me spills all the deliciousness in creation. Now do you see why I am truly the mightiest of gods?
      • (Back to previous options)
  • Player: Tell me about your followers.
    • Brassica Prime: What kind of a question is that? All people are my people, although some do not know it yet. All those who eat of the leaves of my cabbage brethren are mine to command. The mighty rabbit. The fearsome gerbil. The noble, yet lowly worm. The voracious caterpillars. The vegetarian humans. Although I have also heard that there are tales of some creatures who shun the taste of cabbage. Even some who do not eat it for every meal! But I see through these lies for what they are. Nothing can exist without cabbage. I have foreseen it.
    • Player: What about those monkeys?
    • Brassica Prime: Oh. Them. Yes, they are quite troubling. However, I am going to allow them to exist, despite their not eating cabbage. For truly I am the source of all mercy as well as deliciousness.
    • (Back to previous options)
  • Player: Why should I follow you?
    • Brassica Prime: You should follow me, for I am in the right! Also, I am bribing humans with gifts like a cabbage cloak. But you should really follow me because it is right. Surely the Marimban hosts may have finger foods and alcohol, but this is clearly the tastiest team to be on.
    • Marimbo: Yeah, if you like bland salads!
    • Brassica Prime: Your mother is a bland salad!
    • Marimbo: Your mother's FACE is a bland salad!
    • Brassica Prime: You amuse me with your capering, Marimbo! Maybe I will allow bananas into the pantheon of deliciousness. Anyway, you should join my team because Marimbo is a stupid monkey. Truly this is the most delicious of justifications.
    • (Back to previous options)
  • Player: Why are you fighting Marimbo?
    • Brassica Prime: Well, we are not fighting, exactly. Mostly because Marimbo cannot take this seriously. But you see, I have an ulterior motive. While Marimbo drinks herself into a stupor, I will settle the age old question... Which is more delicious - bananas or cabbages? The answer is obvious to all. Yet some still believe that the banana contains even a fragment of the deliciousness of a cabbage. These heretics will be shown, once and for all, that the world is cabbage-shaped for a reason. I mean, what perversion of science would cause these falls to think it banana-shaped? Let Sliske keep the Cabbage of a Thousand Truths. I have no need for it for I am the greater cabbage! Besides, I shall use it to turn the Dragonkin to my worship. If they hunger for the Cabbage of a Thousand Truths, then through it they shall hunger for me! But for today I shall concentrate on this competition, and emerge victorious.
    • (Back to previous options)
  • Player: That's everything.
    • Brassica Prime: Deliciousness be with you.