Dialogue for Bob

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Encounters[edit | edit source]

Conversation 1[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Erm, hello? Can you understand me?
  • Player: I certainly can. I am wearing this amulet I got in Sophanem!
  • Bob: Ah so you've met some of the local felines. Wise and confusing, those Sphinges.
  • Player: Wow!! You know the plural of Sphinx!! What else do you know?
  • Bob: All sorts of stuff! I pick up no end of comments on my travels. Want to hear one?
  • Player: I certainly do. Share your wisdom, Bob!
  • Bob shares one of his bits of wisdom

Conversation 2[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hi Bob, How's tricks?
    • Player: Hi Bob, How's tricks?
    • Bob: Tricks? Dogs are for tricks! Cats are for admiring and fussing over.
    • Player: OK then, how about a joke instead?
    • Bob: Woof woof. Yip yip!
    • Player: Excuse me?
    • Bob: Ah don't mind me. I am learning a second language!
    • Player: No, you don't understand. I wanted to hear a joke.
    • Bob: Sigh... OK. Did you hear about the cat who drank 10 bowls of milk? He set a new lap record.
    • Player: Did he? Wow. What about this joke then?
    • Bob: Are you trying to be funny?
    • Player: No, that's your job isn't it?
    • Bob: Grrrowl. OK, last try. What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?.... An Eskimew!
    • Player: An Eskimew?... That's not funny. I waited all this time for that? Sheesh.
    • Bob: You know, sometimes I wonder why I still bother with this place. It's just not the same since the humans arrived.
  • Player: Speak to me, Bob! Give me some wise words of advice!
    • Player: Speak to me, Bob! Give me some wise words of advice!
    • Bob: Advice you want eh? Well, I could just enlighten you with a snippet of my vast knowledge.
    • Player: That would be fantastic! I heard you were very very wise indeed.
    • Bob: Well, I think I will let you decide that.
    • Player: OK, bamboozle me with your intelligence!
    • Bob shares one of his bits of wisdom

Bob and son[edit | edit source]

If a player has a cat follower when he or she speaks to Bob, the conversation can go quite differently

  • Bob: Hi, my name is Bob.
  • Cat: Hello Bob!
  • Player: Do you two know each other?
  • Cat: I don’t think so.....
  • Bob: Yes you do. Dive deep, search your feelings.
  • Cat: OK, I will try.
  • Player: What’s up kitty?
  • Bob: If only you knew the power of Bob. Your master never told you who your real father was did she/he?
  • Cat: No, but what’s that got to do with.... no, nooooo! It cannot be!!
  • Bob: Yes. I am your father!
  • Cat: That’s impossible!!
  • Player: This is all getting very weird.
  • Bob: You can destroy Zamorak. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule this place as father and son.
  • Cat: OK dad, maybe later. You’re scaring me!
  • Player: I think that’s about enough of that. I’m off.

Wisdom[edit | edit source]

Wisdom 1[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: If a player falls down in the forest and nobody is there, do they make any noise?

Wisdom 2[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Sorry I am too busy marking my territory.
  • Player: Your territory? This place is ruled by Grand Highmage Gower and his minions.
  • Bob: I think not. They are my minions. And I let them think he's in charge. I’m the real power behind the throne.
  • Player: I knew it!!
  • Bob: Yeah, it keeps them happy that way, but don't tell anyone!
  • Player: Hee hee. OK Bob.

Wisdom 3[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are Guthix!
  • Player: What do you believe, Bob?
  • Bob: Well I don’t believe much really since I know I am Zar... erm, well, no, I erm, meow?

Wisdom 4[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Don’t get distracted so easily! See, I’m distracting you right now!

Wisdom 5[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Sorry I'm far too busy calculating thermal vectors.
  • Player: Eh?
  • Bob: Oh, sorry… I meant, erm, meow?

Wisdom 6[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Nothing interesting happens.
  • Player: Eh? That's hardly useful.
  • Bob: Ahh, but you see. It does all sorts of wondrous things.
  • Player: Like what?
  • Bob: Well it's more to do with what happens when you hear that being said. You see, something interesting happens somewhere else.
  • Player: So what you're saying is that if nothing interesting happens to me, then something interesting is happening for someone else that IS interesting?
  • Bob: Yes, that’s about it.
  • Player: OK…I see… I think.

Wisdom 7[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Player, why do you keep your cat in the bank?
  • Player: I thought it was too dangerous to bring it out with me. Or, I could let the poor thing get butchered! Is that what you want?
  • Bob: Butchered!!! I think not. Cats are easily as tough as sheep. Cats were the second thing Guthix brought here, after sheep of course.
  • Player: Weird. I thought Gnomes and the Dwarves were the first ones. Oh well back to school for me.

Wisdom 8[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Wisdom 9[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: So, you want to know how us cats keep so clean all day?
  • Player: Must be all that washing you do.
  • Bob: You would think so wouldn’t you. But is being covered in spit really clean?
  • Player: Eeww... Gross.

Wisdom 10[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Anything that is not nailed down is a cat toy.

Wisdom 11[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: If at first you don’t succeed, take a short nap.

Wisdom 12[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Yeah I could tell you something really useful, but then I would have to '1-Hit you' to death.
  • Player: Bob, you couldn't 1-hit a noob.
  • Bob: Care to place a wager on that? Sorry, hang on, I’ve got no pockets. Maybe next time.
  • Player: I’ll be waiting.

Wisdom 13[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

Wisdom 14[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

Wisdom 15[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.

Wisdom 16[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Cats and teleporting just don’t mix well. That’s why I walk everywhere. Messes my hair up terribly.

Wisdom 17[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Do you like all the monsters around here?
  • Bob: No, not really. I am actually signed up with the HAM fanatics. Kill the whole lot of 'em!
  • Player: That’s a bit cruel isn’t it?
  • Bob: Yeah, that’s one of my best qualities. Just behind sneaky and vicious. Besides, after a few doses of catnip, they all look like mice to me!

Wisdom 18[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Wisdom 19[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Sorry, no time to chat. Still got mouse bones stuck in my teeth. How awkward.

Wisdom 20[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: You know, cats are the first species to fully evolve. We’re perfect.

Wisdom 21[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Preserve nature. Pickle a dog!

Wisdom 22[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Do you like dogs?
  • Player: Yes!
  • Bob: Me too. Care to swap recipes? I have a rather unique hotdog sauce.
  • Player: Bob, you’re a bit messed up really aren’t you.
  • Bob: No, I just know what I like. Besides, it was a joke.
  • Player: A joke? I doubt the dogs are laughing.
  • Bob: What dogs? I have already rid this place of dogs. Have you ever seen one?
  • Player: Yes actually. I heard there are a few wild dogs about here somewhere.
  • Bob: Right!! Fellow cats, prepare for war!!

Wisdom 23[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hi Bob. I didn't think I would ever see you around here. Long way from home isn't it?
  • Bob: Yikes!! Where did you pop up from?
  • Player: Oh sorry Bob, didn't mean to make you jump.
  • Bob: Noooooo. Now that mouse I was chasing has got away. Can you be a bit more sneaky next time? You know, sneaky sneaky stick the chompy as my old friend Rantz often says.
  • Player: Sure thing Bob.

Cat Rulebook[edit | edit source]

Cat Rule 1[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Cat Rule number 1: Always act afraid when near dogs, especially if you're near a human. They will pick you up and fuss you, then shout at the dog. Most amusing!

Cat Rule 2[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Cat Rule number 2: When assisting a human at work, make sure you sit behind its right leg. You stand a much better chance of getting picked up and stroked. Also it's very amusing when they try to avoid you and smash themselves in the knee.

Cat Rule 3[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Cat Rule number 3: If you ever make a mistake, which is rare and probably involves a dog, make sure you wash yourself immediately. This will give everyone the impression that it was done on purpose.

Cat Rule 4[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Cat Rule number 4: Beware the bag monster. These things live in small bags and under newspapers, sometimes even hidden in shoes if they are very clever. They will be very small and take on the same colour as the hiding place. Attack these things on sight - stop at nothing. If you see a bag or shoe you have not inspected recently, pounce!!

Location-specific dialogue[edit | edit source]

Falador[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hi Bob. I didn’t think I would ever see you round here. Long way from home isn’t it?
  • Bob: Yes I guess so. But I’ve been asked to get some coal for Dunstan. He ran out, you see.
  • Player: Anything I can do to help?
  • Bob: No thanks. I’m on my way back now.
  • Player: Ok Bob, see you around.

Lumbridge[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hi Bob. I didn't think I would ever see you round here. Long way from home isn't it?
  • Bob: Yes, but the fish round here are oh so tasty! And there's nobody who can make a good old fashioned seafood gumbo like the Lumbridge cook!
  • Player: Gumbo?
  • Bob: Oh yes, an old recipe passed down from generation to generation of cooks. But this might be the last generation since the Duke's current cook doesn't have any children.
  • Player: Ah, I will have to ask him for the recipe then.
  • Bob: Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you, he's very sensitive about his gumbo responsibilities. I'm sure that if you're a good enough fisherman and cook the knowledge will reach you one day.
  • Player: OK, I shan't bring it up with him. Cheers for the chat Bob.
  • Bob: No problem. Just make sure you bring me some of you ever get the chance to make it. I love that gumbo!

Taverley[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hi Bob. What are you doing here?
  • Bob: Ah, another person who thinks I want to talk to them just because they can understand me.
  • Player: Aww, come on!
  • Bob: OK, you asked what I'm doing here.
  • Bob: I'm here to study the druids. They're boring, but they know how to treat animals, and they don't go around bothering you just because they've got a silly gadget that lets them understand what you say!

Varrock[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hi Bob. What are you doing hanging around Varrock?
  • Bob: Not much. Just came to see how things are going. Not visited here in a while you see. Me and Roald used to talk all the time.
  • Player: Oh really, about what?
  • Bob: Well, those white knights are far more complicated than you might imagine. Not the ‘goodie goodies’ they claim to be. Just watch your back.
  • Player: Will do Bob, thanks.

Archaeology relic[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: So, a little cat tells me you've been excavating some dragonkin ruins... It brought back some of my human memories of my old big cat friend, Oddyseus.
  • Bob: I don't suppose you could get me an artefact, something I could hold as a memento of the time Robert and Oddyseus defeated a dragonkin. Something...funereal, maybe?
  • (If the player does not have a restored death mask:)
    • Player: I'll see what I can do.
    • (Continues with normal dialogue.)
  • (If the player has a restored death mask:)
    • Player: How about this dragonkin death mask?
    • Bob: Ooh, that works. I could wear it for parties. I mean, put it on display in my, umm, cat museum.
      • Yes.
        • Bob: Thank you! In return you can have this old thing. I had a bad dream, ages ago, where I met an evil version of me who hated raw fish. More of a nightmare, really. Weird. Woke up to find this in my litter tray.
        • (Continues with normal dialogue.)
      • No.
        • Bob: Well, I'll be somewhere wandering around here if you change your mind.
        • (Continues with normal dialogue.)