Transcript of A Fairy Tale I - Growing Pains

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Farming Problems[edit | edit source]

  • Martin the Master Gardener: Hello, Player, you look familiar. Didn’t I catch you going through my pockets not that long ago?
  • Player: Me? No, I’m afraid you may have me confused with somebody else.
  • Martin the Master Gardener: I could have sworn… Oh, well, nevermind. I have bigger problems to worry about right now.
    • Player: Anything I can help with?
      • Martin the Master Gardener: I certainly can do with some help.
      • Accept Quest Interface
    • Player: Oh dear, I hope you can sort them out by yourself.
      • Martin the Master Gardener: I’m not sure I can, but I guess I have to try.
    • Player: What is the banner for?
      • Martin the Master Gardener: The banner is the emblem of the Group of Advanced Gardeners. We’re a loosely affiliated group of gardeners that are united in our concern for declining vegetable production.
      • Player: Err, of course you are.
      • Martin the Master Gardener: Say, you’re a brave adventurer, would you be interested in trying to get to the root of our woes? There would be a cash reward if you could help us.
        • Not Right Now
          • Player: Sorry, I have better things to do.
          • Martin the Master Gardener: Oh. Oh dear. Oh well, if there's nothing I can do to make you change your mind...
          • Player: No, nothing. My mind is made up.
          • Martin the Master Gardener: Well, come back and chat to me if you change it.
        • Accept Quest
          • Player: Of course I’ll help.
          • Martin the Master Gardener: I’m so glad to hear that.
          • Player: You don’t look it.
          • Martin the Master Gardener: Sorry, what was that?
          • Player: Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.
  • Player: So, tell me about your problems.
  • Martin the Master Gardener: It all seemed to start about a month ago. I grow roses, you know?
  • Player: Um, you seem to be getting side-tracked already.
  • Martin the Master Gardener: What? Oh sorry. As I was saying, about a month ago I noticed that the yield on my prize rose bushes had dropped slightly. I immediately suspected crown gall, a disease that can be fatal to a Mister Lincoln.
  • Player: You’re not making much sense. Who’s Mister Lincoln?
  • Martin the Master Gardener: Sorry. Mister Lincoln is the variety of roses that I specialise in. None of the plants showed any other symptoms of disease though. Then I noticed a reduced yield occurring in most of my other crops too. I spoke to other gardeners that I know, and they all noticed similar problems. Vegetable patches are growing fewer vegetables, bushes are producing fewer berries and everything that is planted seems to be more prone to disease! You’ve done some farming; have you noticed a decrease in the amount of produce you are getting lately?
    • Player: Now that I think about it, you’re right!
      • Martin the Master Gardener: I know I am. Depressing isn’t it?
    • Player: No, can’t say that I have.
      • Martin the Master Gardener: That’s not very observant of you.
  • Player: So, what do you want me to do?
  • Martin the Master Gardener: I’d like you to find out what is causing this terrible problem, and try to rectify whatever the problem is.
  • Player: Do you have any ideas where I should start?
  • Martin the Master Gardener: If I were you, I would start by speaking to some of the other gardeners.

Talking to Martin again

  • Martin the Master Gardener: Have you spoken to any other members of the Gardening Group yet?
  • Player: No, I haven’t had a chance yet.
  • Martin the Master Gardener: Well, please hurry. Otherwise, I won’t be able to make enough produce to feed my 13 children.

Talking To the Gardeners[edit | edit source]

Because who you talk to doesn't matter, the people here have been generically named Gardener 1, Gardener 2, etc...

  • Player: Are you a member of the Group of Advanced Gardeners?
  • All Gardeners: Why, yes I am. Why do you ask?
  • Player: Martin has asked me to investigate why all the crops are failing.
If the player has already talked to them
  • All Gardeners: I've already told you everything I suspect.

Gardener 1[edit | edit source]

  • Gardener 1: Ah, Martin sent you, why didn’t you say so? I personally think that our problems are down to the fact that we haven’t had enough rain of late. It’s plain to see – just look at the levels of the rivers. We need more rain; I don’t suppose you can do anything about that?
  • Player: No, I’m afraid not.
  • Gardener 1: Well, there you go then. Until you find out how to make it rain, you’re going to have a hard time solving our problems.

Reporting to Martin

  • Player: I've spoken to one of your members and they reckon that it's the lack of rain that we've had recently.
  • Martin the Master Gardener: I'm afraid that can't be the problem. It never rains on the farming patches. That's why we have to water the crops.
  • Player: Oh, yeah. I hadn't thought of that.
  • Martin the Master Gardener: Go chat to some other group members. Maybe somebody has a different idea.

Gardener 2[edit | edit source]

  • Gardener 2: Insects! That’s what you can tell him! Insects! Stop the insects from eating so many of our crops and we’d get maximum yield, I tell you!

Reporting to Martin again

  • Player: Insects! You need to get rid of the insects! They're eating the crops.
  • Martin the Master Gardener: Good idea, but I spray my crops with insecticide every week. No, that's not the problem.

Gardener 3[edit | edit source]

  • Gardener 3: How can you ask such a thing? It’s obvious! It’s all you adventurers. Every time I get a crop planted, some adventurer comes along and digs it up and plants crops of their own, as if they owned my farming patch! It’s really annoying! You should speak to your friends about their rude behavior.
  • Player: But… but… they’re not my friends! I’ve never even spoken to most of them!
  • Gardener 3: Don’t give me that! You’re an adventurer, they’re all adventurers. I bet you have some sort of secret guild and you gather there and say things like ‘let’s annoy the gardeners this week’, don’t you?
  • Player: No, I mean, yes. There is a Heroes’ Guild, but-
  • Gardener 3: Aha, so you admit it then! You should be ashamed of yourselves!
  • Player: Oh, I give up!

Reporting to Martin once more

  • Player: One of your members is implying that the gardeners' problems are all caused by adventurers using the plots. I would like to point out that these plots are communal property and that we have as much right as anyone to grow plants here!
  • Martin the Master Gardener: All right! All right! You're absolutely right! I never said there was a problem with anybody using my plots. Besides, we get part of our income from watching crops for adventurers. I'm afraid that our problem is something totally different.

Gardener 4[edit | edit source]

  • Gardener 4: Well, obviously it’s the seasons. They all seem to be out-of-whack these days. Summer comes earlier and earlier each year, but then it simply rushes by! If you find out what is upsetting the seasons, you’ll find out what is causing the harvest to fail.
  • Player: I don’t suppose you have any ideas about what could cause the seasons to be mixed up?
  • Gardener 4: No, sorry, but find that out and you’ll get to the root of the problem.

Reporting to Martin for a fourth time

  • Player: Apparently, the seasons are all mixed up. Late summers and early winters. I don't know what I can do to solve that problem, though.
  • Martin the Master Gardener: Yes, I've noticed that the seasons seem to be slightly confused, but that hasn't been a big enough change to affect the crops so badly. I'm afraid you should try a different branch of investigation to get to the root of our problems.
  • Player: Ha ha!
  • Martin the Master Gardener: What are you laughing at? These are serious problems!
  • Player: You're absolutely right. Don't worry, I'll find out what the problem is.

Gardener 5[edit | edit source]

  • Gardener 5: Well, I can tell by the look on your face that I’m not the first person you’ve asked. Why don’t you tell me what you’ve heard from other members of the group so far?
  • Player: Why not? They all seem to be a bunch of loonies anyways. I’ve been told that it is the lack of rain, plagues of insects and recently I was told that the entire order of seasons is confused! I have no idea what to do about any of it. I’m an adventurer, not a weather controller!
  • Gardener 5: Did you ever consider that all those theories might be correct?
  • Player: But they’re all different, how could they all be correct?
  • Gardener 5: I’ll let you into a little secret that’ll explain it all to you. In a word – fairies!
  • Player: Oh no! Not another crackpot theory!
  • Gardener 5: I’m serious! Think it through. There are fairies who control everything natural from the weather to the seasons. Surely, if all of those things have been mentioned as catalysts to our problems, it stands to reason that the fairies are actually the cause?
  • Player: Right, well, thanks for your input. I’ll think over what you said.

Reporting Back[edit | edit source]

After talking to all 5 gardeners
  • Martin the Master Gardener: Hello again, Player. How are you getting on with solving the Gardening Group’s problems?
  • Player: To be honest, I’m worried about the sort of person you let join your organization.
  • Martin the Master Gardener: Why is that?
  • Player: I’ve heard theories ranging from climate changes to fairies from your members.
  • Martin the Master Gardener: Hmm, that’s an interesting idea. Now that I think about it, that does make some sense. Yes, maybe you should talk to a fairy about it.
  • Player: Okay! You’re the boss. Any idea which flower I should look under to find a fairy?
  • Martin the Master Gardener: No, sorry, but I did hear that there were adventurers with a similar problem in the swamps near Lumbridge. Just don’t mention my name if you talk to them; they’re trying to keep their problem a secret, but everybody knows what they’re up to.
  • Player: Yes, I’ve spoken to them before.
Talking to Martin again after talking to fairies
  • Martin the Master Gardener: Hello again, Player. Our crops are still failing. Please do something fast or we will all go out of business.
  • Player: Don't worry, I'm working on it.
  • Martin the Master Gardener: Please hurry. Things are getting dire!

The Fairy Godfather[edit | edit source]

Talking to Slim Louie

  • Slim Louie: Don’ say nuffin’ to me! Say it to da boss!

Talking to Fat Rocco

  • Fat Rocco: Ah don’ talk to humans! Yous wanna talk, talk to da boss!

Talking to the Fairy Godfather

  • Player: Who are you? Where’s the Fairy Queen? What’s going on here? Where’s the Fairy Queen’s throne gone?
  • Fairy Godfather: Ciao esploratore! So many questions. Whicha one would you hava me answer first?
    • Player: Who are you?
      • Fairy Godfather: Me?! I am-a da Fairy Godfather.
      • Player: …?
      • Fairy Godfather: I see-a by your face dat you have-a not-a heard of-a me. Irrispettoso, eet iz of no eemportance. You weesh-a to know sometheeng else or no?
    • Player: Where’s the Fairy Queen?
      • Fairy Godfather: Ah, eet iz a trageec-a tale. Da Queen Bee she is-a, how-you-say, seek?
      • Player: You mean sick? What happened?
      • Fairy Godfather: Ah, a tragedy to be-a struck-a down so young. How-a much do ya know about-a da fairy folk, my beeg friend?
      • Player: Not actually a whole deal, I’m afraid.
      • Fairy Godfather: Well, let-a me enlighten yous. Zanaris iz-a nexus of-a da worlds. Da Queen Bee, she iz-a da guardian of-a all da folk dat live-a in Zanaris. So when-a these Tanglefoot arrives, da Queen Bee she-a goes to da Cosmic Temple area to kill-a eet, but something goes-a wrong. Da Queen Bee, she gets-a hurt and is-a now inna da magic sleep. She is-a being cared for by-a Fairy Nuff, who lives-a just north of-a da bank.
      • Player: Thanks. I’ll go see her then. Goodbye.
      • Fairy Godfather: Ciao. Oh, and Player…
      • Player: Yes?
      • Fairy Godfather: A word-a of advice. You be-a careful not to cause da trouble for da folk while you are in Zanaris. Ciao.
      • Player: What?
    • Player: What’s going on here?
      • Fairy Godfather: Hmm, an eenteresting question, my friend. I am-a trying to run-a da fairy kingdom, and youz iz-a being da irritating adventurer.
      • Player: That’s not what I mean!
      • Fairy Godfather: No, but-a dat iz da question I answered. Now iz-a dere anything else?
    • Player: Where’s the Fairy Queen’s throne gone?
      • Fairy Godfather: An eenteresting place to start… I am-a here, ze Queen Bee iz not. So my chair – eet iz-a here, her throne – eet iz-a not. Eez there anytheeng else? Ima a bizy fairy.
    • Player: That’s all, thanks.
      • Fairy Godfather: Eef there iz anytheeng I can-a help you weeth whilst you are-a veesiting Zanaris, plsi, do not-a trouble to bother me.

Trying to talk to the Fairy Godfather again

  • Fat Rocco: Da Boss is a busy fairy! He don’ have time to talk to yous humans. Vamoose!

Fairy Nuff[edit | edit source]

  • Fairy Nuff: Sorry, I’m very bust and can’t chat. If you want to know something go and talk to the Godfather.
  • Player: I did, he said I should come and talk to you!
  • Fairy Nuff: Oh! Sorry, I didn’t realize. What can I help you with then?
  • Player: Actually it’s more a case of what can I help you with? I told the Fairy Godfather that I would help you find a cure for the Queen.
  • Fairy Nuff: Oh, thank you! I really need help. I have no idea what ails the Queen. You must be a mighty healer!
  • Player: Err… no, not me.
  • Fairy Nuff: A great druid then?
  • Player: Umm… ‘fraid not.
  • Fairy Nuff: A shaman?
  • Player: No.
  • Fairy Nuff: A surgeon?
  • Player: No.
  • Fairy Nuff: A doctor, medic, nurse?
  • Player: No, no and no.
  • Fairy Nuff: So what are you then?
  • Player: I’m a mighty adventurer!
  • Fairy Nuff: A what?!
  • Player: A mighty adventurer!
  • Fairy Nuff: Yes, I heard. It’s just not what I was expecting to hear. But hang on, you might be just the sort of person I need to help me!
  • Player: How is that, then?
  • Fairy Nuff: I’m sure the Godfather told you that the Queen is in an enchanted sleep?
  • Player: Well sort of, I couldn’t really understand everything he was talking about.
  • Fairy Nuff: Shhh, somebdy might hear. Look you’re a visitor, so I’ll tell you this much: it doesn’t pay to talk about the Godfather behind his back. But back to the problem at hand – the Fairy Queen. She was brought here after her battle with the Tanglefoot in a terrible state, extremely weak and barely able to fly! Here. I’ve written down a list of her symptoms. When the Queen got back here, she was clearly weakening fast. It appears as if the magic force that is her life essence is slowly unraveling. I have put her in a state of tempus fugit, that will slow time down for her, and thus prolong the amount of time that she remains alive. Now, what I need you to do is find a mage by the name of Zandar Horfyre. He has spent many years studying magical illness. Take the list to him and ask him if he knows what ails the Queen, please.
  • Player: That doesn’t sound too difficult, where will I find him?
  • Fairy Nuff: I believe he know resides in the Dark Wizard’s tower near Falador, and Player, please hurry, I fear the Queen doesn’t have much time left!

If the player loses the list

  • Fairy Nuff: You're back soon! Did you find out what ails the Fairy Queen?
  • Player: No, I'm afraid I've lost the list of symptoms you gave me.
  • Fairy Nuff: Well not to worry, I have a copy of it here.

Zandar Horfyre[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello, I need your help.
  • Zandar Horfyre: And why should I help you, fool? You attack my brethren and me, and then you demand my help! I think not!
  • Player: But Fairy Nuff said you would help me!
  • Zandar Horfyre: Fairy Nuff sent you! How is she? I owe her a great deal. She saved me from a mortal injury I sustained when I was investigating the nature of the Otherworldly beings. So, how can I help?
  • Player: The Fairy Queen is extremely ill. She was in a battle with a Tanglefoot and her injuries resulted in her being in a coma.
  • Zandar Horfyre: This is grave news indeed! You think the Tanglefoot is responsible? I don’t see how that could be. A Tanglefoot will normally kill its victim outright… unless… hmmm… I wonder… I don’t suppose you could give me more details about the Fairy Queen’s conditions, could you?
  • If the player has the list with them
    • Player: Fairy Nuff gave me a list of her symptoms. Here, have a look at it.
    • Zandar Horfyre: Hmm… yes… slow discorporation of ethereal body, eh? Hmm… I think I know what the problem might be.
    • Player: You do? That’s great! What is it?
    • Zandar Horfyre: From what I know about fairies, their basic lifeforce is pure magic. Much as we humans would refer to our souls as out life essence, so too does a fairy have a life essence of pure magic. You could actually refer to fairies as magic embodied and not be wrong.
    • Player: Yes, but what about the Fairy Queen?
    • Zandar Horfyre: Patience, I’m getting to that. It appears the Fairy Queen has lost a large part, indeed the majority, of her life essence. Either it was drained from her by the Tanglefoot or she did it voluntarily. Although why she would do that is beyond me.
    • Player: So I guess I need to go and kill this Tanglefoot and get back her magic essence if I am to help her?
    • Zandar Horfyre: Yes, but if I were you, I would seek out a necromancer by the name of Malignus Mortifer. I believe he once fought a Tanglefoot, many years ago. You should probably ask him advice on how to combat it.
    • Player: Malignus Mortifer. Any ideas where I can find him?
    • Zandar Horfyre: He’s rumoured to have been seen near Port Sarim with his followers recently. Rumour has it that he’s working on a spell that has something to do with fungus!
    • Player: Okay, thanks very much.
    • Zandar Horfyre: Don’t mention it. Give my regards to Nuff, when you see her next.
  • If the player has lost the list
    • Player: Fairy Nuff gave me a list of her symptoms, but I don't have it with me.
    • Zandar Horfyre: Well, I can't diagnose the problem without knowing the symptoms. You'd better go and find that list, or get Fairy Nuff to give you another one.

Malignus Mortifer[edit | edit source]

  • Player: I need help with fighting a Tanglefoot. Can you help me?
  • Malignus Mortifer: Almost certainly. I am a great practitioner of the magic arts, after all.
  • Player: Great, thanks. I was told by Zandar Horfyre that you fought one once.
  • Malignus Mortifer: That is true, and an epic battle it was too.
  • Player: That’s great! I presume you won as you are here to tell me about it, could you tell me how to defeat one, please?
  • Malignus Mortifer: Of course I won! As I’ve already stated I am a master of the magical arts. Why do you want to know how to kill a Tanglefoot?
  • Player: There is a Tanglefoot if the lost city of Zanaris and I have been asked to kill it.
  • Malignus Mortifer: I see. Well I could tell you how to defeat your Tanglefoot, however I would need you to perform a little undertaking for me first.
  • Player: What exactly did you have in mind?
  • Malignus Mortifer: To the north-east of here there is a haunted manor. Bring me a skull from a grave you find there and you shall have your answer.
  • Player: I’ll go and get it then.
  • Malignus Mortifer: Fine. I’ll see you soon.
Talking to him again before obtaining the skull
  • Player: I was asking you about fighting a Tanglefoot…
  • Malignus Mortifer: So, have you brought me the skull?
  • Player: No, not yet.
  • Malignus Mortifer: Well come and talk to me once you have it.
After getting the skull
  • Player: I was asking you about fighting a Tanglefoot…
  • Malignus Mortifer: So, have you brought me the skull?
  • Player: Yes, I have it right here.
  • Malignus Mortifer: Right then, to business. A Tanglefoot can be harmed by neither might nor magic. The only weapon that can damage them is a pair of enchanted secateurs!
  • Player: Where can I get a pair of these enchanted secateurs?
  • Malignus Mortifer: You will have to make them… Listen carefully, and I’ll tell you how. Obviously, you will need a pair of secateurs. You will also need to gather a <item 1>, a <item 2> and a <item 3>. Take them to the Nature Spirit and ask him to perform the ceremony of Phasma Phasmatis Natura.
  • Player: Phasma Phasmatis Natura. Got it! Is that all?
  • Malignus Mortifer: Yes, that’s all. You’ll be able to use those secateurs to kill the monster.
  • Player: Great, thanks very much.
Talking to him again
  • Player: I was asking you about fighting a Tanglefoot…
  • Malignus Mortifer: I have already told you all I know about fighting a Tanglefoot. What more would you have of me?
    • Player: Could you tell me how to kill a Tanglefoot again, please?
      • Malignus Mortifer: I guess so. Forgot to take notes did you? Well, listen carefully this time. You will need to enchant a pair of secateurs. Only these can harm a Tanglefoot.
      • Player: Great, thanks very much.
    • Player: What did I need to take to the Nature Spirit again?
      • Malignus Mortifer: You will need a pair of secateurs. You will also need to gather a <item 1>, a <item 2> and a <item 3>. Take them to the Nature Spirit and ask him to perform the ceremony of Phasma Phasmatis Natura.
      • Player: Great, thanks very much.

Enchanting the Secateurs[edit | edit source]

  • Nature Spirit: Welcome back, my friend. I sensed that you require my help and so I have once more returned.
  • Player: Thank you! I need your help in enchanting a pair of secateurs.
  • Nature Spirit: Secateurs? That’s a strange thing to enchant. Would you care to inform me why you need them?
  • Player: sure. A Tanglefoot has invaded the fairy kingdom of Zanaris and the only way I can fight it is with a pair of enchanted secateurs, apparently.
  • Nature Spirit: Ah, a Tanglefoot! Your information is correct, secateurs that have been blessed by a Nature Spirit are the only weapons that can harm such a terrible creature. I shall be glad to help you. Do you have all of the required items for the ceremony?
  • If the player is missing anything
    • Player: No, I still need to collect some things.
    • Nature Spirit: Alright, my friend. Return to me when you have all that is required. I shall be waiting.
  • If the player has everything
    • Player: Yes, I have everything right here.
    • Nature Spirit: Then let us begin…
  • The Nature Spirit enchants the secateurs
    • Nature Spirit: It is done! Farewell, Player, and good luck with your coming battle.

If the player loses their secateurs

  • Nature Spirit: Hello, Player. Why have you returned so soon after your last visit?
  • Player: I'm glad you're here. I'm afraid I've lost the secateurs you enchanted for me.
  • Nature Spirit: That's alright; if you bring me the components for the spell, I'll enchant another pair for you. Would you happen to have all of the required items for the ceremony with you now?
  • (Same as above)

Shady Grove[edit | edit source]

  • Player: What are you doing all the way over here? Shouldn’t you be at the market door?
  • Gate Keeper: Yes, that’s my usual spot, but the Godfather said I should be here, so here I am.

Trying to enter the cave

  • Gate Keeper: I’ve received orders to let you through if you want. Good luck.

Returning to Fairy Nuff first

  • Player: I did it! I've got the Fairy Queens' enchanted secateurs!
  • Fairy Nuff: That's fantastic! You'd better take them to the Fairy Godfather though; he'd be cross if he knew you brought them to me first. But, come back to me once the queen has had a chance to recover. I'm sure she'll want to thank you personally.

Finishing Up[edit | edit source]

  • Fairy Godfather: Caio, Player. I am-a glad to see yous back! I was-a worried that the Tanglefoot would-a kill-a you too.
  • Player: You needn’t have worried I managed to kill it!
  • Fairy Godfather: Ben fatto, my friend! Da folk-a dey owe yous a great-a deal! So did-a yous getta back da Queen Bee’s magic power?
  • Player: I retrieved this pair of Enchanted secateurs. I think they must contain the Queen’s missing magic.
  • Fairy Godfather: Grazie infinite! I will give them to da healing fairy. Da Queen Bee, she will-a soon be strong again!

Post Quest[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How is the Fairy Queen doing?
  • Fairy Nuff: Not too well; the Godfather hasn’t given me those secateurs yet.