Transcript of 2020 April Fools

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This transcript involves dialogue with Dr. Cole and the player.

Logging in[edit | edit source]

  • A brassica digsite has been uncovered at the Falador cabbage patch!

Random player lines[edit | edit source]

(One of the following is said randomly:)

  • Player: Choy to the world.
  • Player: Everyone. Romaine. Calm.
  • Player: My Cabbages!
  • Player: What doesn't kale you makes you stronger.

Entering the cabbage patch[edit | edit source]

  • Dr. Cole: Welcome to the brassica digsite! Isn't it just marvellous?
  • You feel more chef-like than usual.

Leaving the cabbage patch[edit | edit source]

  • The power of the chef fades. Sous sad.

Picking a cabbage[edit | edit source]

  • (A random one of the following is seen, then continues below:)
    • Cabbage: Ahhhhhh! Leaf me alone!
    • Cabbage: What on earth are you trying to do to me!?
    • Cabbage: Why won't you just let me sleep?
  • Player: Did you just say something...?
  • Cabbage: No.
  • (Player picks the cabbage.)

Killing the Oversized Cabbage[edit | edit source]

  • All that remains of the mighty cabbage falls to the ground.

Talking to Dr. Cole[edit | edit source]

Initial dialogue[edit | edit source]

  • Dr. Cole Welcome to the Brassica digsite!
  • Player This doesn't look much like a digsite. In fact, I'm fairly certain that this is exactly the same cabbage patch that has always been here. Except now, for some reason... there is a giant cabbage? Also, why am I a chef...?
  • Dr. Cole Cole's Law!
  • Player Yes please, unless it has too much cabbage in it.
  • Dr. Cole No, you don't understand! Cole's... Law!
  • Player Ohhhh.... It's just it sounds a lot like... Nevermind. So what exactly is Cole's Law?
  • Dr. Cole Well, let me explain...
  • Screen fades out and back in.
  • Several hours later...
  • Dr. Cole That's it! Simple, isn't it?
  • Player Sure... So you want me to bring you Cabbage[sic] bosons...? That for some reason I can get by killing a giant cabbage?
  • Dr. Cole Spot on! Together we can prove the existence of the widely speculated quantum cabbage field.
  • Player Yes. What's in it for me...?
  • Dr. Cole Oh, yes! I almost forgot! Each time you bring me a Cabbage boson, I'll offer you a reward.
  • Player Great! I'll be right back with one of those bosons in no time.

After the initial dialogue[edit | edit source]

  • Dr. Cole Which reward would you like?
  • Select a reward
    • (If the ring of cabbage hasn't been unlocked yet:)
      • The Ring of cabbage
        • (If the player has a cabbage boson in their inventory:)
          • Dr. Cole Certainly!
          • Dr. Cole hands you your reward.
          • The Ring of cabbage has been added to the transmogrification interface.
          • Dr. Cole eats the Cabbage boson.
          • Dr. Cole Interesting, my understanding grows.
          • Player ...
        • (Otherwise:)
          • Dr. Cole I'm afraid I can't offer you this reward unless you have a Cabbage boson for me.
    • (If the ring of rares hasn't been unlocked yet:)
      • The Ring of rares
        • (If the player has a cabbage boson in their inventory:)
          • Dr. Cole Certainly!
          • Dr. Cole hands you your reward.
          • Dr. Cole eats the Cabbage boson.
          • Dr. Cole Interesting, my understanding grows.
          • Player ...
        • (Otherwise:)
          • Dr. Cole I'm afraid I can't offer you this reward unless you have a Cabbage boson for me.
    • (If the Cabbage Slayer title hasn't been unlocked yet:)
      • The Cabbage Slayer title
        • (If the player has a Cabbage boson in their inventory:)
          • Dr. Cole Certainly!
          • Dr. Cole awards you the title: 'The Cabbage Slayer'.
          • Dr. Cole eats the Cabbage boson.
          • Dr. Cole Interesting, my understanding grows.
          • Player ...
        • (Otherwise:)
          • Dr. Cole I'm afraid I can't offer you this reward unless you have a Cabbage boson for me.
    • (If not asked before:)
      • 120 Archaeology
        • Dr. Cole I'm terribly sorry but I can only offer this reward to archaeological experts.
        • Dr. Cole That is, those who have already achieved level 99 Archaeology.
        • Player Oh...
        • Player I'll be back!
        • Dr. Cole I'm afraid this was a limited time offer that has now expired.
        • Player ...
    • None.
      • Dr. Cole Okay, goodbye for now.

After receiving all rewards[edit | edit source]

  • Player So, does the quantum cabbage field exist?
  • Dr. Cole No.

Reclaiming rewards[edit | edit source]

Without anything to reclaim[edit | edit source]

  • You have no rewards to claim at this time.

With rewards to reclaim[edit | edit source]

  • (If the ring of cabbage has been lost:)
    • Dr. Cole hands you another Ring of cabbage.
    • (Continues below)
  • (If the ring of rares has been lost:)
    • Dr. Cole hands you another Ring of rares.