Transcript of 2019 Christmas event

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This transcript involves dialogue with Santa Claus and the player.

Talking to Santa Claus[edit | edit source]

During the event[edit | edit source]

  • Santa Claus: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, Player!
  • Player: Thank you very much Santa! Same to you!
  • (Only on first time:)
    • Santa Claus: It is my favourite time of the year, bringing festive joy to everyone on Gielinor! Tell me [Player], have you been good this year?
    • Player: Well, I think so...
    • Santa Claus: Let's have a look and see, shall we?
    • Player: Okay...
    • Santa Claus: Mhhmmmm... Hold on... You did what!? Okay, sorry, yes that makes sense now. ... Okay. Right... Oh! Those poor chickens! ... Hmmm... Well.
    • Player: Well?
    • Santa Claus: So, I would say you ALMOST made it onto the nice list.
    • Player: Almost?! What do you mean almost?!
    • Santa Claus: Well yes, I added up all of your good deeds and I subtracted all of your... Other deeds. And by my calculations I'd say you're three points short.
    • Player: Three points short?!
    • Santa Claus: Yes, yes I'm afraid so.
    • Player: This is ridiculous! Surely you've counted wrong!
    • Santa Claus: Hmmm, actually yes you're right.
    • Player: I knew it!
    • Santa Claus: You're actually FOUR points short for doubting Santa's maths.
    • Player: Oh... Is there anything I can do to get me enough points to push me over onto the nice list?
    • Santa Claus: Well [Player], I'm sure we could find some points lying around if you were able to help me out with something.
    • What Do You Want To Talk About?
      • How can I help?
        • Santa Claus: Well Player, I'm in a little bit of a predicament. I thought this year it'd be a great idea to spread the Christmas joy by hiding presents all over Gielinor for adventurers to find. I even threw in a little bit of Christmas magic to make sure a new one appears every day and then stays around until I head home. Keeps it exciting you know!
        • Player: Sure does!
        • Santa Claus: But anyway... I was just dropping off the last present when I realised I'd made a huge mistake.
        • Player: What kind of mistake?
        • Santa Claus: Well, how do I say this? There was a mix up with the presents. The presents I distributed all over Gielinor were actually my personal presents for the Queen of Snow.
        • Player: Oh... Is that an issue?
        • Santa Claus: Yes it is! I really need you to get these back to me before anyone else sees them and spoils the surprise!
        • Player: Okay so if I help you, you'll put me on the nice list right?
        • Santa Claus: I'll put you on the nice list, I'll put you on the extra nice list, I'll even throw in some extra rewards for helping me out!
        • Player: What sort of rewards?
        • Santa Claus: How about a new title?
        • Player: That sounds fine, but can you throw in anything else to sweeten the deal?
        • Santa Claus: Fine... What about a new Christmas jumper too? And I'll even throw in some Christmas Cracker paper for every present you find!
        • Player: Alright, I'll do it!
        • Santa Claus: Phew... That's such a relief! Thank you, I really appreciate it!
        • Player: No problem! I'm always happy to help!
        • Santa Claus: Player! One more thing before you go...
        • Player: Yes?
        • Santa Claus: Whatever you do, do NOT look in those presents or I'll put you on the naughty list for life.
        • Player: Got it.
        • (Continues below.)
      • Talk about something else.
        • (Continues below.)
      • Goodbye.
        • (Dialogue terminates.)
  • What Do You Want To Talk About?
    • The giant Christmas cracker.
      • Player: What's that big ol' cracker over there all about?
      • Santa Claus: Ah yes, that is just a little gift that I brought with me here to share with you. It needs to be wrapped up first though before it can be pulled apart! You can help wrap the cracker by adding Christmas cracker paper to it. The paper is earned whilst skilling and killing, with a bonus bundle of paper available for completing your daily challenges! Once the cracker is fully wrapped, it can be pulled apart to receive gifts galore! Don't worry if you miss out on the experience, I have plenty more crackers with me which will be used to replace open ones so that it can be wrapped and pulled again! I must warn you though, in the interest of kindness, you must add at least 100 pieces of paper to a cracker in order to be eligible for a prize! So what are you waiting for? Earn yourself some paper and get wrapping!
      • Select An Option
        • What prizes are available from the cracker?
          • Santa Claus: Ho ho ho. I normally wouldn't allow this, but seeing as you asked ever so kindly, I will show you what's on offer!
          • Player: Thank you, Santa!
          • (Opens Christmas Cracker Rewards interface.)
        • Talk about something else.
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
    • Present Hide and Seek.
      • (If there are rewards to claim:)
        • Santa Claus: Thank you for returning some presents to me! Please accept this as a token of my appreciation!
        • Santa rewards you with the following: [reward]
      • (If not all presents have been returned:)
        • What Do You Want To Talk About?
          • How can I help?
            • (As above.)
          • How many presents have I found?
            • (If no presents have been found:)
              • You haven't found any of my presents yet, Player!
            • (If a present has been found:)
              • Santa Claus: You have found 1 present.
              • (Returns to the initial options.)
            • (If more than one present have been found:)
              • Santa Claus: You have found [number] presents.
              • (Returns to the initial options.)
          • Talk about something else.
            • (Returns to the initial options.)
          • Goodbye.
            • (Dialogue terminates.)
      • (If all the presents have been returned:)
        • Santa Claus: Thank you very much for returning all of my lost presents to me, Player!
        • Player: No problem, Santa!
        • (Returns to the previous options.)
    • Tell me a joke.
      • (Continues with one of the following at random:)
        • (Dialogue 1:)
          • Player: I bet you can't make me laugh!
          • Santa Claus: Challenge accepted! I have just the joke for you.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 2:)
          • Player: Tell me a joke!
          • Santa Claus: Let me see...
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 3:)
          • Player: What's the first joke that springs to mind?
          • Santa Claus: Oh that's easy...
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 4:)
          • Player: You must have heard loads of jokes over the years, what's your best one?
          • Santa Claus: Ha ha yes, I certainly have, let me think...
          • Santa Claus: OK, here's a good one...
          • (Continues below.)
      • (Continues with one of the following at random:)
        • (Dialogue 1:)
          • Santa Claus: A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
          • Santa Claus: The bartender says sorry, we don't serve food here.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 2:)
          • Santa Claus: BNAG.
          • Player: Huh?
          • Santa Claus: That's bang out of order.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 3:)
          • Santa Claus: Did you hear about the circus fire at Balthazar's circus?
          • Santa Claus: It was in-tents!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 4:)
          • Santa Claus: Did you hear about the new broom that's just come out?
          • Player: No?
          • Santa Claus: It's sweeping the nation!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 5:)
          • Santa Claus: Do you want to know how my reindeer are so strong and can pull my sleigh all night?
          • Player: Yes!
          • Santa Claus: Protean shakes!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 6:)
          • Santa Claus: Have you heard the gossip about butter?
            • Player: No?
          • Santa Claus: Actually, on second thought, I shouldn't spread it.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 7:)
          • Santa Claus: How comes[sic] the oyster only gives loot once a month?
          • Santa Claus: Because it's shellfish!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 8:)
          • Santa Claus: How did Scrooge win the gnomeball game?
          • Player: I don't know.
          • Santa Claus: The ghost of Christmas passed!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 9:)
          • Santa Claus: How do Bandosians enter a room aggressively?
          • Santa Claus: They use the GRAAR-door!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 10:)
          • Santa Claus: How do Menaphites eat rock cakes?
          • Santa Claus: They Sophanem!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 11:)
          • Santa Claus: How do you cut an ocean in 2?
          • Santa Claus: You use a sea-saw!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 12:)
          • Santa Claus: How do you gain entry to the home of the monkeys?
          • Santa Claus: You have to pay the Apes Atoll!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 13:)
          • Santa Claus: How do you organise a party in outer space?
          • Player: I don't know.
          • Santa Claus: You planet.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 14:)
          • Santa Claus: I delivered presents to the guy who invented windowsills before.
          • Player: Was he a nice guy?
          • Santa Claus: What a ledge.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 15:)
          • Santa Claus: How does Santa defeat Vorago?
          • Santa Claus: He uses the Maul of Snowmens!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 16:)
          • Santa Claus: I don't often tell dad jokes.
          • Santa Claus: But when I do, he laughs.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 17:)
          • Santa Claus: I got lost in the Karamjan jungle whilst delivering presents last year.
          • Player: Oh no, were you okay?
          • Santa Claus: Yes, thankfully I had a compass with me, so I could draw circles with a pencil.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 18:)
          • Santa Claus: I helped out a farmer once. He said he's got 68 sheep and asked if I could round them up for him. I said sure...
          • Santa Claus: 70.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 19:)
          • Santa Claus: I was left behind some cheese and milk once when I came down someone's chimney.
          • Santa Claus: How dairy!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 20:)
          • Santa Claus: I went speed dating once. Do you want to know what happened?
          • Player: What happened?
          • Santa Claus: I pulled a cracker!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 21:)
          • Santa Claus: Is it just me who finds magnets really attractive?
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 22:)
          • Santa Claus: Knock knock.
          • Player: Who's there?
          • Santa Claus: Who.
          • Player: Who who?
          • Santa Claus: You sound like an owl.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 23:)
          • Santa Claus: Knock, knock[sic]
          • Player: Who's there?
          • Santa Claus: Arthur[sic]
          • Player: Arthur who?
          • Santa Claus: Arthur any mince pies left?
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 24:)
          • Santa Claus: On which side do chickens have the most feathers?
          • Santa Claus: The outside!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 25:)
          • Santa Claus: One of my elves walked into my office whilst I was talking about him to my wife.
          • Santa Claus: He said I disgust him.
          • Santa Claus: I said yes, I did.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 26:)
          • Santa Claus: The invention of the shovel was ground-breaking!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 27:)
          • Santa Claus: What carol is heard in the desert?
          • Player: I don't know.
          • Santa Claus: O camel ye faithful!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 28:)
          • Santa Claus: What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
          • Santa Claus: It's Christmas, Eve!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 29:)
          • Santa Claus: What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
          • Player: I don't know, what did the drummer call his twin daughters?
          • Santa Claus: Anna 1, Anna 2.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 30:)
          • Santa Claus: What did the farmer says when he lost his tractor?[sic]
          • Santa Claus: Where's my tractor?
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 31:)
          • Santa Claus: What did the rope say after it got tangled?
          • Player: ...
          • Santa Claus: Knot again!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 32:)
          • Santa Claus: What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
          • Player: *shrug*
          • Santa Claus: Cross Mouse Cards!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 33:)
          • Santa Claus: What do ghosts ride at an amusement park?
          • Player: I don't know. What do ghosts ride at an amusement park?
          • Santa Claus: A roller-ghoster.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 34:)
          • Santa Claus: What do I suffer from if I get stuck in a chimney?
          • Player: I don't know, what do you suffer from?
          • Santa Claus: Claustrophobia!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 35:)
          • Santa Claus: What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
          • Player: I don't know.
          • Santa Claus: Horn-aments!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 36:)
          • Santa Claus: What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
          • Player: ...
          • Santa Claus: The elf-abet!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 37:)
          • Santa Claus: What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
          • Player: Happy birthday?
          • Santa Claus: Freeze a jolly good fellow
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 38:)
          • Santa Claus: What do vampires[sic] sing on New Year's Eve?
          • Player: ...
          • Santa Claus: Auld Fang Syne[sic]
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 39:)
          • Santa Claus: What do you call 2 spiders who just got married?
          • Player: ...
          • Santa Claus: Newly-webs.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 40:)
          • Santa Claus: What do you call a cat in the desert?
          • Player: Anukat?
          • Santa Claus: Sandy Claws!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 41:)
          • Santa Claus: What do you call a haunted chicken?
          • Santa Claus: Poultry-geist!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 42:)
          • Santa Claus: What do you call a jacket that goes up in flames?
          • Player: I don't know, what do you call a jacket that goes up in flames?
          • Santa Claus: A blazer!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 43:)
          • Santa Claus: What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
          • Player: Help?
          • Santa Claus: Nobody knows.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 44:)
          • Santa Claus: What do you call a person who doesn't believe in Santa Claus?
          • Player: Uneducated?
          • Santa Claus: Eggnog-stic.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 45:)
          • Santa Claus: What do you call someone who gets mad when they don't have any bread?
          • Player: Hangry?
          • Santa Claus: Lack toast intolerant.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 46:)
          • Santa Claus: What do you do if you can't kill a boss?
          • Santa Claus: Move onto the Nex one!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 47:)
          • Santa Claus: What do you get if a sheep studies karate?
          • Santa Claus: Lamb chop.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 48:)
          • Santa Claus: What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
          • Player: I don't know. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
          • Santa Claus: A Christmas Quacker!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 49:)
          • Santa Claus: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
          • Player: ...
          • Santa Claus: Tinsilitis!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 50:)
          • Santa Claus: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire[sic]?
          • Santa Claus: Frostbite!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 51:)
          • Santa Claus: What does a bee tell his wife with messy hair?
          • Player: I don't know.
          • Santa Claus: Honeycomb your hair!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 52:)
          • Santa Claus: What does a dog say after a hard workout?
          • Santa Claus: That was ruff!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 53:)
          • Santa Claus: What goes 'Oh, Oh, Oh'?
          • Player: ...
          • Santa Claus: Santa walking backwards[sic]
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 54:)
          • Santa Claus: What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
          • Player: He got arrested, I hope! That sweet, sweet chocolate is sacred!
          • Santa Claus: He got 25 days!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 55:)
          • Santa Claus: What is a sheep's favourite food?
          • Santa Claus: Bah-bah-que!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 56:)
          • Santa Claus: What is the elder gods' favourite music?
          • Santa Claus: Jazz!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 57:)
          • Santa Claus: What is the worlds[sic] hungriest animal?
          • Player: I don't know, what is the worlds[sic] hungriest animal?
          • Santa Claus: A turkey because they just gobble gobble gobble!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 58:)
          • Santa Claus: What kind of apple grows on a tree?
          • Player: I don't know. What kind of apple grows on a tree?
          • Santa Claus: All of them.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 59:)
          • Santa Claus: What kind of seagull can't fly?
          • Player: ...
          • Santa Claus: A bi-seagull!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 60:)
          • Santa Claus: What quest ended with a raffle and a bouncy castle?
          • Santa Claus: Fête of the Gods!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 61:)
          • Santa Claus: What trainers do chickens wear?
          • Player: None?
          • Santa Claus: Reeeebok-bok-bok-bokkaa!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 62:)
          • Santa Claus: What's brown and sticky?
          • Player: I don't know.
          • Santa Claus: A stick.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 63:)
          • Santa Claus: What's a dog's favourite carol?
          • Player: I don't know. What's a dog's favourite carol?
          • Santa Claus: Bark, the herald angels sing[sic]
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 64:)
          • Santa Claus: What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 65:)
          • Santa Claus: Which boss monster would you most likely find in a workshop?
          • Santa Claus: A rack o'saws!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 66:)
          • Santa Claus: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
          • Player: *do do do dododo*
          • Santa Claus: Huh?
          • Player: Oh, nothing. Sorry what was the joke again?
          • Santa Claus: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
          • Santa Claus: Santa Jaws!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 67:)
          • Santa Claus: Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
          • Player: ...
          • Santa Claus: A mince spy!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 68:)
          • Santa Claus: Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
          • Player: *shrug*
          • Santa Claus: They always drop their needles!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 69:)
          • Santa Claus: Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
          • Santa Claus: Because it would be a foot!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 70:)
          • Santa Claus: Why couldn't the ranger kill Nex?
          • Santa Claus: He didn't bring Za-ryte bow!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 71:)
          • Santa Claus: Why did one of my helpers see the doctor?
          • Player: ...
          • Santa Claus: Because he had a low 'elf' esteem!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 72:)
          • Santa Claus: Why did the walrus lick the envelope?
          • Player: ...
          • Santa Claus: Because he was looking for a good seal!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 73:)
          • Santa Claus: Why didn't Rudolph go to school?
          • Player: I don't know, why didn't Rudolph go to school?
          • Santa Claus: Because he was Elf-taught!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 74:)
          • Santa Claus: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
          • Santa Claus: Because they lac-toes!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 75:)
          • Santa Claus: Why do people try and mine the Barrows?
          • Santa Claus: To get to Dha-rocks!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 76:)
          • Santa Claus: Why does Santa have three gardens?
          • Player: I don't know.
          • Santa Claus: So he can 'ho ho ho'!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 77:)
          • Santa Claus: Why does Vorago eat shark and shrimp pizza?
          • Santa Claus: Becasuse he likes the size mix!
          • (Continues below.)
        • (Dialogue 78:)
          • Santa Claus: Why is the elven marketplace always sad?
          • Santa Claus: It's full of cry-stalls!
          • (Continues below.)
      • (Continues with one of the following at random:)
        • (Dialogue 1:)
          • Player: *facepalm*
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
        • (Dialogue 2:)
          • Player: ...
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
        • (Dialogue 3):
          • Player: BOOM BOOM!
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
        • (Dialogue 4:)
          • Player: HAHAHA THAT'S HILARIOUS!
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
        • (Dialogue 5:)
          • Player: HAHAHAHAHA!
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
        • (Dialogue 6:)
          • Player: Please stop.
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
        • (Dialogue 7:)
          • Player: Santa, you are just the worst!
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
        • (Dialogue 8:)
          • Player: Wow. Just wow.
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
        • (Dialogue 9:)
          • Player: You really are just full of dad jokes, aren't you!
          • Santa Claus: Ho ho ho! There's plenty more where that came from!
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
        • (Dialogue 10:)
          • Santa Claus: Did you like it?
          • Player: No.
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
        • (Dialogue 11:)
          • Santa Claus: Did you like it?
          • Player: That was the best joke I have ever heard in my life!
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
        • (Dialogue 12:)
          • Santa Claus: I never get tired of telling that one!
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
        • (Dialogue 13:)
          • Santa Claus: I never get tired of telling that one!
          • Player: You probably should...
          • (Returns to the initial options.)
    • Goodbye.
      • (Dialogue terminates.)

After the event[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Still here, Santa?
  • Santa Claus: Only for a little while, Player! I'm just organising the clean up of all the Christmas decorations, and then I'll be on my way!
  • Player: Oh okay, well it was great to see you again!
  • Santa Claus: And you too, Player! Remember to stay good!