Player-owned port/Ports updates

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While your ship is on a voyage, you may occasionally receive random updates about your ship, which do not actually affect your ship in any way. The messages generally joke about ships, and may include references to other RuneScape activities, other video games, or pop culture. These will be shown in the chatbox through the game filter, and may include:

<number> rats were found aboard <ship name> today.
A crew member of <ship name> shot an albatross. Bad move.
The poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.
A labour dispute aboard <ship name> has been resolved with minor industrial action.
The Spithead and Nore mutinies, during which the Red flag (a former symbol of the British Labour party) was raised by sailors demanding better conditions
A mermaid has given directions to <ship name>.
A small drunk man appeared from nowhere and briefly abducted the captain of <ship name>.
The discontinued drunken dwarf random event.
All the biscuits on <ship name> have been eaten by weevils.  [sic]All the weevils have been eaten by the crew.
The British comedy show Red Dwarf.
Due to shipworm, the timbers of <ship name> have been slightly shivered.
Shiver me timbers!
Nothing interesting happens on your ship <ship name>.
References the in-game message "Nothing interesting happens."
One of the crew of <ship name> was a penguin in disguise. It has escaped custody.
The Penguin quest series and Penguin Hide and Seek.
Pirates attack <ship name>, but quick thinking and hijinks save the day!
Pirates boarded <ship name> and decided there wasn't anything worth taking.
Rum supplies are running perilously low on <ship name>.
Sailors used to drink rum and other fermented beverages, as water was not safe to drink, being dirty, salty or both.
Rumours say that <ship name> sank with all hands. These are lies.
Scurvy has been warded off <ship name> by the fortuitous acquisition of a hundred peaches.
Several of the crew of <ship name> have nearly died of dysentery.
This is a reference to the Oregon Trail computer game released in 1974, intended to teach children about the realities of 19th century pioneer life. One of the potential ways of losing the game was a now iconic message "You have died of dysentery."
Sightings of sea serpents have been reported by the crew of <ship name>.
The captain of <ship name> briefly became obsessed with a white whale, but has got over it.
The novel Moby Dick.
The captain of <ship name> has admitted that he can't swim.
The captain of <ship name> has discovered and charted a new reef. With the ship's keel.
The captain of <ship name> has organised another floggin'.
The captain of <ship name> is drunk again.
The African Queen
The captain of <ship name> is paranoid that someone is stealing his hat while he sleeps.
The Caine Mutiny
The captain of <ship name> is sober today.
The captain of <ship name> managed to prevent a mutiny by increasing the crew's rations.
The captain of <ship name> noticed some of the crew missing after sailing near a quiet village.
Possibly a reference to Witchaven.
The captain of <ship name> says he saw a giant whale! But no one in the crew believed in him...
Could be a reference to the sightings of the Kraken, which were also rarely believed, until recently Giant squids were discovered.
The crew of <ship name> are convinced the mogre they caught yesterday is actually a mermaid princess.
Sailors have been known to mistake manatees for mermaids.
The crew of <ship name> are singing sea shanties...very, very badly.
The crew of <ship name> are swabbing like they've never swabbed before.
"Swabbing" is nautical slang for cleaning; "swabbing the deck".
The crew of <ship name> caught a giant, talking fish; it flopped overboard before they could stop it.
The crew of <ship name> have become addicted to Braindeath 'rum'.
The crew of <ship name> have begun saying 'Arr!' loudly instead of talking normally.
"Arr!" is part of stereotypical pirate speech.
The crew of <ship name> have begun singing bawdy sea shanties.
The crew of <ship name> have repelled an assault by deadly sea cabbages.
The crew of <ship name> is reduced to eating baked beans. There are rumblings in the fo'c'sle.
Baked beans are known to occasionally cause increased flatulence. The "fo'c'sle" (or forecastle) is where the head (or toilet) was located on a sailing ship.
The crew of <ship name> let the figurehead park. The damage was minor.
The crew of <ship name> rescued a sailor found floating on some flotsam.
Possibly a reference to the Heroes of Might and Magic turn-based strategy computer game series, where the player's heroes, when sailing, may rescue sailors from the sea, earning resources as a reward.
The crew of <ship name> spent the day chasing a squirrel around the hold.
The crew of <ship name> wanted to know how many sailors would fit in the crow's nest at once. The experiment ended badly.
The crew of <ship name> watched in amazement as an island rose out of the sea and floated into the sky.

Possibly a reference to Clan Citadels. This could also be a reference to Angel Island from the Sonic the Hedgehog series.

The crew of <ship name> were beguiled by manatees.
Sailors have been known to mistake manatees for mermaids.
The crew of <ship name> were waylaid because the captain wanted to top up his tan.
The first mate of <ship name> is in the brig after an unfortunate, grog-related incident.
The lookout aboard <ship name> has spent the day yelling 'Marco' out to sea. There has been no response.
Marco! Polo!
The mast of <ship name> has been felled by a stowaway beaver. Luckily, a spare was acquired.
The Void Knights were sure <ship name> was hiding pests and detained the crew. It's now back on course.
This is a reference to the quest Quiet Before the Swarm.
There has been a birthday party on <ship name> today. <number> shipmates were sick.
There was a leak in <ship name>'s hull! Everyone bailed as fast as they could.
There was a leak in <ship name>'s hull! It was quite big, so they stuffed the bo'sun in it.
There was a leak in <ship name>'s hull! It was quite small, so they just put a cork in it.
There was a leak in <ship name>'s hull! They had to break up the lifeboats for wood to repair it.
The Sea Chase
There was a mutiny on <ship name> over who gets to use the phrase 'shiver me timbers'.
Your crew of <ship name> have confirmed that worse things really do happen at sea.
"Worse things happen at sea" is a common proverb meaning that things could be worse than they are.
Your ship <ship name> almost sails off the edge of the world, then remembers Gielinor is a globe.
This is a reference to common modern belief that medieval Europeans believed the Earth was flat. This is however a myth.
Your ship <ship name> decided to take the long way home, which curiously takes no additional time.
Your ship <ship name> found Bailey Holmes's locker. Turns out it contains gnomeball equipment that needs a wash.
Davy Jones' Locker is nautical slang for the bottom of the ocean, or the resting place for sailors drowned at sea.
Your ship <ship name> has become becalmed. The crew have had to eat the cabin boy.
Possibly a reference to R v Dudley and Stephens, a leading 1884 English criminal case concerning cannibalism.
Your ship <ship name> has been issued a ticket for speeding.
Your ship <ship name> has been threatened with legal action after dropping anchor on a mogre's house.
Your ship <ship name> has defeated a vast socktopus formed out of huge piles of wizards' discarded socks.
Your ship <ship name> has encountered a crude goblin ship, drifting while its two captains argue about the course to take.
Goblin Diplomacy is about two goblin generals incessantly arguing.
Your ship <ship name> has encountered a flying squid at sea, and is giving battle!
A flying squid may be encountered and defeated in Skies of Arcadia.
Your ship <ship name> has encountered a Fremennik longboat, and the crew have lost a drinking contest.
Reference to the Fremennik's drinking contest and drinking stamina.
Your ship <ship name> has encountered a ghost ship. The crew is human, but the ship is a ghost. No one's sure how that works.
A ghost ship normally means a floating vessel with no living crew aboard; in this case the ship itself is the ghost.
Your ship <ship name> has encountered a large trading vessel, with a finely dressed purple man on board, sipping tea.
A reference to Solomon's General Store.
Your ship <ship name> has encountered a mysterious ship, which released a kraken.
In Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, Jack Sparrow locates the Flying Dutchman, which subsequently begins unleashing the kraken on ships.
Your ship <ship name> has evaded a ninja monkey ship.
Your ship <ship name> has evaded a pirate ship.
Your ship <ship name> has evaded a zombie pirate ship.
Your ship <ship name> has explored a point on the map marked 'Here Be Dragons'. Nothing interesting happened.
Before the entire real world was mapped, unknown areas were labelled "Here Be Dragons". Also references the infamous in-game message "Nothing interesting happens." when a player does something that has no effect.
Your ship <ship name> has found an island inhabited by witches who live in the sand. Supplies have been restocked.
Reference to the Hawaiian Islands, named the Sandwich Islands by James Cook during his circumnavigation of the globe.
Your ship <ship name> has gone wildly off course; the navigator trusted his duties to a parrot.
Your ship <ship name> has had its rations transformed into poisonous fungi, so the crew has summoned giant toads to eat instead.
Some of the characters in the series Naruto Shippuden are able to summon giant toads.
Your ship <ship name> has hitched a ride on a surfacing whale.
Your ship <ship name> has laid in additional supplies of fresh water and fruit.
Possible reference to James Cook, explorer, one of the first captains to provide a good diet for his crew
Your ship <ship name> has managed to avoid a storm near the island home of an exiled sorcerer.
The Shakespearean play The Tempest.
Your ship <ship name> has passed a sunken island once fabled for its school for adventurers.
Refers to the now-removed Tutorial Island.
Your ship <ship name> has passed a Void Knight frigate doing battle with an extra-dimensional sea monster.
Your ship <ship name> has passed an island where natives ride on strange beasts like hornless unicorns.
Refers to the running joke in which horses do not exist in RuneScape.
Your ship <ship name> has passed another in the night.
A reference to the phrase "to pass like ships in the night".
Your ship <ship name> has passed the Entrana Monks' ferry. Those crew members who could not mind their language were locked below.
'Cursing like a sailor' is an idiom for swearing excessively.
Your ship <ship name> has repelled a boarding party of sea imps.
Your ship <ship name> has run out of space in the captain's log.
A reference to the Star Trek series where the captain would start the episodes "Captains log *insert date*".
Your ship <ship name> has sighted strange pylons. The crew are attempting to construct an additional one.
This is a reference to the Starcraft series of games.
Your ship <ship name> has spent entire minutes lost in fog.
Your ship <ship name> has temporarily run out of ocean.
Your ship <ship name> has traded for some yo-yos and a bottle of rum.
Fifteen men on the dead man's chest, yo ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
Your ship <ship name> has weathered a mild storm.
Your ship <ship name> has wisely stayed out of a battle between a ninja monkey ship and a zombie pirate ship.
This is a reference to the "war" between ninjas and pirates.
Your ship <ship name> is celebrating the captain's birthday. Grog all round!
Your ship <ship name> is going on course. Nothing bad has happened. Promise.
Your ship <ship name> is making good time thanks to a favourable wind.
Your ship <ship name> is trying to outrace dolphins.
Your ship <ship name> managed to avoid some pirates.
Your ship <ship name> spotted smoke signals on a nearby island and went to investigate.
Your ship <ship name> traded for a crate of swordbows. Sadly, a storm has washed them overboard.
A bow-sword exists in-game, but cannot be wielded by players and is only a quest item.
Your ship <ship name> was briefly abducted by a random event.
Refers to the now-discontinued random events that used to abduct players.
Your ship <ship name> was delayed when the helmsman fell asleep while turning starboard and sailed in circles all night.
Your ship <ship name> was double-parked in port last night.
Your ship <ship name> was painted in rainbow colours and is now 20% cooler.
Refers to the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic episode "Suited For Success". Also Greenpeace use the rainbow as a symbol painted on their ships e.g. Rainbow Warrior
Your ship <ship name> went off course when the helmsman sailed around Dragontooth Island three times.
Your ship <ship name>'s sighting of the Kalphite Queen turned out to be a weevil on the telescope.
When using a telescope, the player will occasionally claim a spider is eating the moon, but instead, it is simply crawling over the lenses.
Your ship has run out of rum. In desperation, the crew has turned to drinking water.