Gielinor Games Commentators

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During the Gielinor Games, occasional commentary is given through floating megaphones. In addition, a small dialogue occurs when entering or finishing a game. The team of commentators consist of:

The Commentators[edit | edit source]

Mr Mordaut[edit | edit source]
Mr. Mordaut chathead.png

Mr Mordaut is the old and wise draconic school teacher who is only encountered during the Surprise Exam random event. He seems to be an opposer of the cheese rolling, claiming it is too stupid for the advanced races. However, the circular cheeses are a whole new invention to the trolls. He appears to be the only one taking the commentating seriously, although he also makes the occasional random joke. He also appears to be trying to have serious conversations with the zombie, although that of course fails.

Thok[edit | edit source]
Thok of Daemonheim chathead.png

Thok is the master of Dungeoneering, brother of Marmaros and Bryll. He normally stands at Daemonheim selling the two Dungeoneering skillcapes, but now he has come to the Games to commentate. Or rather, compare athletes to himself and make funny but slightly dumb comments.

Tentacle[edit | edit source]
Tentacle chathead.png

Tentacle is the leader of five mermaids, two of which (Manta and Remora) are incinerated by the Queen Black Dragon, with Urchin and Anemone still being alive. Those three are encountered during Deadliest Catch in which they consider feeding the player to Thassalus. Tentacle is usually seen having conversations with the troll, constantly being surprised of his stupitidy.

Raptor[edit | edit source]
The Raptor chathead.png

Raptor, the mysterious warrior thinks that races are a waste of time, but he appreciates the type of races that Thok and his brother compete in which involves killing monsters. Also, he seems to opposed to the cheese rolling, for an unknown reason. Thok speculates that is because cheese gives him "bad Raptor nightmares".

Troll[edit | edit source]
Lalli chathead.png

The Troll is a rather slow character who shares many similarities with the Zombie, although he isn't as fussy when it comes to eating humans.

Zombie[edit | edit source]
Zombie swab chathead.png

The Zombie is the least intelligent of the commentators, worse than even the troll. He seems mostly concerned with eating brains.

Cheese Rolling[edit | edit source]

The commentary booth.

Starting comments[edit | edit source]

Audio options icon.png
Mr Mordaut: Five Ages. Years of conflict and learning, and our collective culture gives us cheese. Down a hill.
Thok: Cheese rolling is Thok's favourite! CHEESE ROLL - CHEESE ROLL - CHEESE ROLL
Mr Mordaut: Heavens preserve me.
With Thok and Mr Mordaut
Audio options icon.png
Cheese roll introduction
With Mr Mordaut
Audio options icon.png
Cheese roll introduction
With Mr Mordaut and a zombie
Audio options icon.png
Raptor: I refuse to be here while someone rolls cheese.
Thok: Why, Raptor? Bad history with cheese?
Raptor: No, that's not wh-
Thok: Eat too much cheese and have bad Raptor nightmare?
Raptor: If you'll excuse me, I have strykewyrms to kill.
With Thok and the Raptor
Audio options icon.png
Cheese roll introduction
With a troll and Tentacle
Audio options icon.png
Troll: Cheese is rubbish. Milk is better
Tentacle: You're not meant to troll the cheese, you're meant to roll the cheese.
With a troll and Tentacle

Ending comments[edit | edit source]

Audio options icon.png
Mordaut: You better grab some of that cheese because your performance was a cracker!
Audio options icon.png
Mordaut: You really are the big cheese
Audio options icon.png
Tentacle: Have a nice trip!
Audio options icon.png
[Tentacle laughs]
Audio options icon.png
Raptor: Heh.
Audio options icon.png
Mordaut: You're on a roll.
Audio options icon.png
[Tentacle laughs hysterically]
Audio options icon.png
[Mordaut laughs hysterically]
Audio options icon.png
[Troll laughs]
Audio options icon.png
[Zombie laughs hysterically]
Audio options icon.png
Tentacle: Congratulations! You have a talent for fermented bovine secretions.
Audio options icon.png
Mordaut: Ooh, they really milked that performance.
Audio options icon.png
[Mordaut laughs]
Audio options icon.png
Mordaut: That could have been feta!
Audio options icon.png
[Zombie laughs]
Audio options icon.png
[Raptor laughs]
Audio options icon.png
Mordaut: That was a gouda performance!
Audio options icon.png
[Troll laughs hysterically]
Audio options icon.png
Thok: Look on bright side: ten-second rule means the cheese is good to eat.
Audio options icon.png
Raptor: Not impressed.
Audio options icon.png
[Thok laughs]
Audio options icon.png
[Mordaut laughs]
  • Zombie: That' roll.
  • Thok: Carve that cheese into a crown! No one beats that score.
  • Tentacle: Like the cheese, that performance stank.

Random comments[edit | edit source]

Head-to-Head[edit | edit source]

Starting comments[edit | edit source]

Audio options icon.png
Thok: Welcome to the Games! I am Thok, champion of Daemonheim, drinker of mead, son of Daddy Thok...
Mr Mordaut: Deary me. People are here to watch the games, not hear about you.
Mr Mordaut: Welcome. My name is Mr. Mordaut and it is my honour to commentate on this event.
With Thok and Mr Mordaut
Audio options icon.png
Troll: How do mermaids run when they have no legs?
Tentacle: With difficulty.
Troll: Humans also run badly when they have no legs. That's why I eat legs first.
With a troll and Tentacle
Audio options icon.png
Mr Mordaut: Welcome, everyone. My name is Mr. Mordaut and my colleague here is known as
Zombie: So...many...people... So many brains.
Mr Mordaut: Indeed, we really have a good turnout today.
Audio options icon.png
Mr Mordaut: Some people compare running to a card game, with all the mind games and luck that entails.
Thok: Thok like card games. Snap is a big favourite after a glass of mead.
Mr Mordaut: I was thinking of a more intricate card game.
Thok: Snap with two packs of cards?
Mr Mordaut: Something like that, yes.
Audio options icon.png
Troll: Hur-hur, running good. Me look forward to running event.
Thok: Ha! Yes, my rocky friend, Thok thinks this will be good.
Audio options icon.png
Raptor: Running. Waste of time, unless you're chasing after a monster.
Thok: Metal-man, races can be fun. Me and brother Marm would race to kill as many monsters as possible.
Raptor: That kind of race I can get behind.
  • Mr Mordaut: It's a misconception that athletics is solely about strength and speed.
  • Mr Mordaut: It can be very tactical. The brain is just as important as the feet.
  • Zombie: Brains...taste better than feet...
  • Mr Mordaut: So, use your mind to take advantage of your opponents.

Ending comments[edit | edit source]

Audio options icon.png
Tentacle: Hahaha! That was a terrible round!
Thok: Do not be rude, squishy fishy. Thok don't like rude people.
Tentacle: I'm not scared of you, you great oaf!
Tentacle: Such pretty butterflies... I think I'll take a nap now.
Audio options icon.png
Mr Mordaut: A disappointing last round, but I'm sure our athlete can recover.
Thok: Can't do much worse.
Audio options icon.png
Thok: Athlete run like the wind!
Mr Mordaut: I'd say at least a gale force 10.
Thok: Thok say they have turned it right up to 11!
Audio options icon.png
Mr Mordaut: Well done athlete, a fantastic event and a score to be proud of.
Thok: *Belch*
Mr Mordaut: Have you been drinking?
Thok: S'victory drink. I shtarted drinkings thish morning jusht incashe. S'good game. Good game.
Audio options icon.png
Thok: Not good so far. Think more like Thok, be more like Thok!
Tentacle: You really are full of yourself.
Thok: Thok is full of Thok! Fish woman is correct.
  • Mr Mordaut: This athlete really has got their head in the game.
  • Zombie: Zombie go into game, eat head?
  • Mr Mordaut: No, zombie. We can snack at the post-race buffet.
  • Zombie: Mmm...brain canapes.

  • Thok: A good race. Thok think this was great.
  • Troll: Huh hur, me like fast food.
  • Thok: Thok see what you did there!

  • Troll: Little human ran well. Might be too fast for me to eat them.
  • Thok: No eating the athletes! Thok want to see more races.
  • Troll: Okay.

  • Tentacle: I'd give up now if I were you, human.
  • Thok: I have faith in athlete.

  • Mr Mordaut: A disappointing score for our athlete.
  • Mr Mordaut: I'm sure they'll do better in future attempts.

  • Thok: Thok though that was...BEST EVENT EVER!
  • Mr Mordaut: Yes, quite. Well done, athlete, a remarkable score that you should be proud of.

  • Tentacle: They run faster than I can swim!
  • Troll: They not run faster than troll can swim.
  • Tentacle: Aren't you made of rock? No troll can swim.
  • Troll: Look at it this way: trolls swim very fast downwards.

  • Raptor: Not bad. I'm impressed, should use your speed to chase down monsters.
  • Thok: Thok agree with metal man. Chase monsters, then crush them with your fists.

Random comments[edit | edit source]

Audio options icon.png
Thok: They faster than Thok going through Daemonheim!
Audio options icon.png
Zombie: Slow down! Too fast for Zombie!
Audio options icon.png
Mordaut: We might see a new Games world record here.
Audio options icon.png
Thok: Athlete is clearly merry on mead.
Audio options icon.png
Troll: A rolling troll gathers no moss!
  • Thok: Wow, watch them go!

  • Tentacle: How can they go so fast? Someone must be cheating.

COW!!?[edit | edit source]

To moo is bovine.

(The COW!!? card causes a cow to plummet from the sky)

Audio options icon.png
Troll: Huh, is food falling from sky now?
Audio options icon.png
Thok: Did someone order a cow?
  • Raptor: How did that get there?

  • Troll: Someone has a beef wiv dis race

  • Thok: Holy cow!

  • Zombie: All-you-can-eat buffet!

The Streaker![edit | edit source]

A troll. With a propeller cap. And a tutu.

(The Streaker! card causes a troll in a tutu to walk across the path)

Audio options icon.png
Thok: By Thok's mighty beard, what is that thing?
Audio options icon.png
Tentacle: That is very, very strange.
Audio options icon.png
Mr Mordaut: Holy dragonkin! Is that a tutu?
  • Troll: Hur hur...wait, what is dat?

  • Zombie: I like my brains like I like my bacon...streaky

  • Troll: What is dis...Troll don't know.

Fall-out[edit | edit source]

(An athlete is removed from the race)

  • Thok: Ow, Thok think that must have hurt.

  • Troll: If they not in race, can Troll eat them?

  • Tentacle: I've seen sea cucumbers move faster.

  • Thok: Don't give up in face of adversity! Punch it in nose!

  • Thok: Giving up? Thok fought on with worse injuries.

  • Zombie: Weak ones....easier to stumble after...

Resource Race[edit | edit source]

Starting comments[edit | edit source]

Audio options icon.png
Troll: Yay, a race! Collect all the shinies, yay!
Raptor: Bah.
With a troll and the Raptor
Audio options icon.png
Tentacle: Why are you surface dwellers fascinated with collecting things?
Mr Mordaut: It's a compulsion. We dragons are probably the worst of the bunch.
Tentacle: You sit on a horde of gold?
Mr Mordaut: Well, yes, but I only collect the rare coins. I have an Avarrocka guinea, would you believe...
Tentacle: Dragon geek!
Audio options icon.png
Thok: Lemme guess Zombie - you collect brains?
Zombie: Gotta...collect..em...all
Thok: Haha, Thok thinks you just eat brains. This race all about collecting and keeping.
  • Raptor: Waste of time. Should be killing things.
  • Troll: But look at the pretty shiny rocks and trees.
  • Raptor: I should kill you where you stand, monster.
  • Troll: Wanna see them collect shiny things. Yay shiny!

  • Troll: Troll don't get this race.
  • Zombie: Grab short space of time...
  • Troll: Do they eat them?
  • Zombie: No...but we eat athletes later...yes?

  • Mr Mordaut: Grabbing what you can in a short space of time. A metaphor for life, eh Thok?
  • Thok: I not know metaphor. My family talks with each other, not use flags.
  • Mr Mordaut: Good lord, I didn't mean semaphor! You have a beautiful mind, Thok.

Finish comments[edit | edit source]

Audio options icon.png
Mr Mordaut: Wonderful! A fantastic show! Bravo, athlete, bravo.
Raptor: Heh. Good event. I'm impressed.
Audio options icon.png
Thok: A performance to sing tales of! It tough for anyone to top that.
Mr Mourdaut: A marvellous display. I've not seen such skill for at least two centuries.
  • Thok: A good game, you make Thok proud.
  • Tentacle: Yes human well do-


  • Tentacle: What was that for?
  • Thok: Sorry, Thok thought you were about to make rude comment.

  • Thok: Haha! A good round! Well done, squishy person!
  • Tentacle: Squishy person...really?


  • Tentacle: Why are there two of you?

  • Raptor: Impressed. Good event.
  • Tentacle: Yes, good round...
  • Raptor: Don't try to escape me fish. I'll be coming after you.
  • Tentacle: Eep!

  • Raptor: Good event. I'm impressed
  • Mr Mordaut: Indeed. A great performance from our athlete.
  • Raptor: Now, dragon, time to meet my flail!
  • Mr Mordaut: *Sigh* Oh, do go away, Raptor.

  • Tentacle: Not the best score I've ever see.
  • Raptor: Seen better.

  • Thok: Keep it up, squishy athlete, and you'll be almost as good as thok.

  • Raptor: Bad score. Not impressed.
  • Mr Mordaut: Come now, my metal-encased friend, I'm sure this was just a practice game.
  • Mr Mordaut: With drive and determination, they'll have a top score in no time.

  • Tentacle: Hah! Better luck next time, human.

  • Raptor: Not impressed. Seems like a practice round.
  • Tentacle: Or they're just not very good.

Random comments[edit | edit source]

Audio options icon.png
Thok: Grab and pillage!
Audio options icon.png
Thok: You snooze, you lose!
Audio options icon.png
Mr Mordaut: It's a frenzy of picking things up!
Audio options icon.png
Tentacle: Grab that one, over there! No, the other one!
Audio options icon.png
Tentacle: Grab, grab, grab! The time is ticking down.
Audio options icon.png
Raptor: That would be better in weapon form.
Audio options icon.png
Mr Mordaut: Use your body and your brain if you want to win the game!
Audio options icon.png
Raptor: Heh. Good choice.
Audio options icon.png
Troll: Yay! Troll woulda picked dat one!
  • Zombie: a winner is one who...traaaains

  • Thok: Thok mentally high-fives all of you!

  • Troll: Why do they not eating that?

  • Zombie: Run...fleshy brainbags...

  • Mr Mourdaut: They've missed one there. That might cost them.

  • Tentacle: Pick that one up to your left! No, your other left!

  • Raptor: That resource? Not impressed.

  • Troll: Is that a good one to get?