Fashion, imps and one very relaxed chinchompa...

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Fashion, imps and one very relaxed chinchompa... is the twenty-seventh issue of Postbag from the Hedge published on the RuneScape website. On 12 August 2016, all mentions of Postbag from the Hedge were completely removed from the site. Any previous links to them redirects to the Customer Support section.

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The following text is transcluded from Transcript:Fashion, imps and one very relaxed chinchompa....
This official Postbag from the Hedge was copied verbatim from the RuneScape website, but has since been removed. It is copyrighted by Jagex.
It was added on 31 January 2008.

Happy New Year! I hope you had a spectacular one, I can't really remember mine but I do seem to remember turning up for a shindig at the Wise Old Man's place. Wow what a party, I still can't feel the rest of my body! Anyway, on with the letters.

Dear Lanthus,

Recently I've been seeing players around RuneScape dressed just like you! I made the mistake of trading them, instead of you when i was buying some of your fabulous armour! I was just wondering.. how do you feel about this new fashion craze? are you flattered? or furious?

Well, anyways, it's been a hoot watching other's see the common reseblience, and have a cow over it! You should consider getting a whole new look, maybe your own castle wars crown! YA! I would love to hear your side of the story!


Fluff muffin

Dear Fluff Muffin,

I can't say that I've noticed but then again I am stuck out here in the middle of nowhere. It's difficult to keep up to date with the front page of the latest Herald, let alone the fashion magazine Cosmicpolitan.

I know I have certain dashing style so I'm not surprised it's caught on. I used to be a star with the ladies of Ardougne and Varrock back in my day, I can tell you. I am, of course, flattered by the attention, though; it's been many years since I last set a fashion trend, that one was for bright green clothes and a white beret...thankfully it didn't last long.

Master of Castle Wars

Dear reldo,

I think I have found evidence of an ancient cult. It seems to have dissapeared but left clues to it's existance. the clues are too numerous to list, but it led me on quite the trail. I started at the shrine north of falador and ended up in draynor manor.

I have discovered that the magical symbols there were very similar to one of the symbols I have found in the shrine. My other discoveries are as follows:

The cult had possession of the house before count draynor(Or perhaps count draynor was one of them??) There was a battle that took place there, ending in one room(Possible as the cults last stand) The ghosts of teh clan members still reside(The largest concentration of ghosts was in teh most damaged room, showing further signs of a last stand) Most of the items in the house are possessed by other clan members. The witch is possibly connected with them, trying to cover them up, or something. she may also just be a current resident. The furnature and such did not come till after the house was mostly destroyed, perhaps was redecorated to cover up the details of the cult.

Anyways, my question is: do you have any information about a cult that used to reside in draynor, who were fond of using cryptic clues to leave their mark on the world, and any further information about any battles that took place there? This information is for me, an archeologist who is trying to find any social groups that are no longer existing.

Please and thank you.

My inquisitive friend,

Having spent a great deal of my life researching the histories of Misthalin and Asgarnia, I am quite familiar with the symbols you describe on the rocks north of Falador, though I was not aware of their presence in Draynor Manor. Every time I sent one of my junior researchers to explore that house, they would disappear - no doubt into one of the seedy bars in Port Sarim or Falador. Having said that, I've dug through a few tomes and found some sketches of the symbols in Draynor Manor.

I can see a distinct similarity to one of the symbols from the odd stone shrine north of Falador - the spiral, specifically - though the other symbols do not appear in any of the images I have seen. This particular pattern is common in many cultures as a symbol of growth and fertility: it represents the uncurling of a plant as it bursts from the soil. The complete symbol you have found in Draynor Manor, however, actually occurs in a number of locations across Runescape, especially wherever mages are likely to reside.

Should you choose to examine some of the walls in the Wizards' Guild (which I do recommend, as Yanille is especially lovely this time of year), you will find identical symbols. Wizard Cromperty, one of my least reliable correspondents (his letters are often lost or hideously delayed), tells me that he has had the same symbol emblazoned on the walls of his own house as an aid to his more intricate spells.

It is possible that cults in the past have used these symbols, but it is in itself no more sinister than the everyday act of teleporting across the width of RuneScape. If anything, this symbol tells us that the witch you claim to have seen within the Manor is much more than an eccentric woman, and is very probably capable of some powerful magical acts.

On another note, I am confused by your references to the furniture in Draynor Manor. Is there something about this furniture that surprises you? I should think furniture was a common feature of most houses.

Your learned friend,

Dear tiny squeaky adorable ickle Imps,

Is there some particular reason why you carry around things like burnt food and empty buckets? You wouldn't be able to eat the food, and there's not a lot you can do with an empty bucket in your inventory except milk a cow, fill it from a fountain, or maybe wear it on your head (provided your CUTE little horns didn't get in the way).

Hmm...actually, after thinking about the Ectofunctus bit, I'm starting to realize that I don't think I've seen any Imps in Morytania. What's up with that? You're everywhere else.

Also, when you "poof" somewhere else while I'm in the middle of killing you, my character /does/ automatically run after you, which I think is great; except that she tends to get stuck behind things like, oh, fences...and spear walls, and normal walls, and houses, and rocks, and trees... This must really entertain you, right? Except that you usually seem somewhat oblivious, just standing there for a second and then walking away. That's a little rude...if someone was trying to kill me and I "pooftled" away, I think I would take a minute to laugh at them. Loudly.

Muhwahahahahaha!'re just so cute, you teeny ickle red thingies!

Still crazy after all these years,

Helphyre666, me ol' china!

Trust me, guv, you 'oomans don't arf make us larf! Fing is, we imps don't have much of an attenshun span, so when we pooftle away and watch you stumblin' about behind a fence, we often get distracted an' we-

Bloomin' eck, did you see dat? Dat guy 'ad a massive frog 'ed! He can't see nuffink out of that, can he? Blimey.

What? Anyway, I can tell you dat us imps luv to eat burnt meat. You hornless weirdies waste meat by roastin' it a bit in der fire. Make it black as night an' serve it up wiv some nettle tea, will ya! Scrummy in my belly. Plus, we imps can't help what we nick, like. If you guys want it, we nab it. An' you guys use empty buckets loads, so we nab it! It's in our nature, so give over.

Regardin’ Morytania, we steer away from it. Dat place whiffs of dragon poop...which is weird-like, since there ain't been a dragon down dat way for a millemelum.

Anyways, I gotta get back so some adventurer can try choppin' me to get my beadies. It's an 'ard knock life.

See ya later!
(He blew a very big raspberry - Postie Pete)

To the Hairdresser of Falador,

I am outraged at your cruelty when it comes to caring for animals. Poor Ridgeley, your chinchompa who powers the barber's pole outside must be exhausted from the work he does! as far as I know, your shop is open all the time, so does this not mean that he is there, spinning in that wheel ALL day, every day? And is it even necessary to have a spinning pole?

Also, after searching your sophisticated salon for pet food and pet care essentials, I am dismayed to have found nothing but a bowl of water upstairs. (Yes, I even went upstairs while your back was turned.)

I am going to bring this up at the next WHAM! meeting wheter you like it or not. Your cruelty will surely ban you from further meetings, and then no-one will come to your Let's-all-abuse-animals hairdresser!

Pallax of Taverly

Good morning Pallax of Taverly,

Oh! Come, come, Pallax, there is no reason to contact the World Hairdresser’s Annual Meet. They have more pressing concerns - whether to send an emissary to Canifis with dog shampoo and ribbons, for example. Only this week a new member was inducted from Oo’glog, so I doubt they will even raise a powdered eyebrow at your criticisms. So, pffffrt to you, I say.

Besides, I am not one to cause cruelty, and certainly not to little Ridgley. I have only inadvertently caused cruelty once, when I misheard a customer’s hairstyle request. I am still convinced they said backsides, not back and sides. A stranger haircut you will never see...

Anyway, Ridgley has regular breaks from powering my pole. I often replace him with Michael, another chinchompa that I care for, so that Ridgley can scamper off and eat Wyson’s woad leaves. I think I am on Michael #17 now; aside from Ridgely, I am yet to find a chinchompa that has the stamina to work for long before, well, exploding. Hmmm…I trimmed the beard of a strange-named druid last week. He mentioned something about giant chinchompas...ooh, I think we might have just found the Ultimate Michael!

Still, pfffrt to you, I say.

You will find enclosed evidence of some of Ridgely's activities while he's relaxing on his day off. Quite photogenic isn't he?

Hairdresser – Hair Midwife.

Ridgely relaxes
To the wise old man, Juna, and Reldo.

Of all the beings I have met in my travels, you are among the wisest and most learned of all. If it’s not too much trouble, there are a few questions that have been bothering me for a while and every time someone asks them, the question is dodged. I am hoping that I may get some answers from you about Zaros.

In all my research I have found no images of Zaros or and for of description so my first question is, what does Zaros look like? Another question I have is about artifacts relating to Zaros. During the time before he was betrayed, Zaros was possibly the most powerful god in existence. Yet only one city remains with living followers, and they only had one artifact of Zaros in their possession, a staff with the symbol of Zaros at the end. Even the dig site near Varrok had more artifacts. Where might other items be found? Finally, during the god wars many different races followed different gods. The goblins followed Bandos, the humans followed whoever they saw fit, but who followed Zaros? I hope you can help put my mind at ease. (Even though I have asked the wise old man about Zaros he never gives me an answer, so maybe he will get the hint that I know how dangerous Zaros is and yet I won’t give up seeking answers just because of this fact.)

Thank you in advance,
Angel S Bane

The Wise Old Man, Reldo and Juna, respectively, weren't willing, able or interested in answering this letter. So I took the liberty of passing it on to Eblis over at the Bandit Camp, who was more than happy to answer your questions.

-Postie Pete

Angel S Bane,

Our loyalty here in the Bandit Camp is to Zaros, the banished one, though it is true we are few in number these days. Zaros was defeated at the end of the Second Age, before the God Wars. Subsequently, most of Zaros's followers switched allegiance to other gods out of fear, opportunism or necessity.

The few remaining loyal followers of Zaros were not numerous enough to directly involve themselves in that war. Some, like Sliske, had apparently disappeared into hiding; others, like Akthanakos and our master, Azzanadra, had been imprisoned.

Why is there little evidence of Zaros's existence? Well, history is written by the victors. There are many reasons why Zaros is no longer remembered: the greed of Zamorak's desire for even greater power leading to the destructive God Wars; the arrogance of Saradomin in trying to erase Zaros's memory from the world. This 'Dig Site' you mention sounds most intriguing... I may have to pay it a visit.

As to Zaros's appearance...well, a god can take many forms. The stories of my people speak only in metaphor. It is our hope that, even if it takes us a thousand lifetimes, we can return our lord to power, so the world can once again place its eyes upon his glorious visage.


Dear Goblins of RuneScape,

Passing on my travels I have seen many players defeating your species. What I had in mind, is that you should get yourself something to protect you with, maybe a new quest, a wild random event to protect you. Maybe even get a guard. There you stand, being defeated. Find yourself new items, get yourself a makeover, Invade cities.. Just to make it more exciting.

Get yourself some fancy sunglasses, Dazzle your enemy with a beam of light, do anything to protect yourselves from the players out there. Raise your level by killing things, do anything it takes to make yourself a better species, a species that will show the world how you want to make your revenge.

Thank you,


Postie skull first give your letter to Wartface, but stupid Wartface let better goblin general steal letter and lock him in cupboard so I answer instead. Haha.

You talk like goblins is weak stupid human! We not weak. You right when you say many goblins die, but we soldiers and for us it is glorious to die in name of Big High War God. Of course it even more glorious to kill in name of Big High War God, and maybe what you say is smart, but it sounds a lot like a plan and War God tell us not to make own plans and thinkers must die. You seem like smart thinker though so maybe if I tell my goblins to kill you I can do bidding of War God and they can become better level of warrior like you suggested.

Bentnoze find thinkers not too hard to kill. Spend all their time scratching their beards and mumbling stuff about the daffodils!

Thank you for your advice Peterlinux! Next time you see goblin wearing red armour he will kill you and you can be grateful to give up life for Big High War God. Maybe you come back to life as goblin!


Chaotic Luncheon Party

I noticed these on the fridge door of the Chaos Elemental last time I was over to deliver your letters, and couldn't make sense of them. One appears to be a list of people I've never heard of, which he's planning to invite to a luncheon. The other one appears to be a chaos rune covered in letters, but I can't find any words on there. Perhaps you can make more sense of them than me...

Kitty Traips Iris Tiarapulp
Greg Oftener Patti Mawns
Roger Vavida Tori Fishved
Gilian Bedooms Stan Oblate
Rob A. Dr. O Reply
Chaos Wordsearch
Click here for printable version

Anyway, that's it from me, but I'll see you all again next month, so keep sending me your letters and paintings!

Send your letters to [email protected].

Alternatively, send your pictures and paintings to [email protected].

Don't forget – when you send us your amazing creations we can't accept links, so please don't send them to us!

Next's time for something completely different.

Postie Pete